1. Is there anything that may affect the way you answer the questions? For example, a stressful time, mental illness, medications, special life circumstances? Other useful information includes sex, age, and current state of mind.
I am 14 years old and a female. I'm also speaking online, which causes me to act more formal and outgoing than I actually behave in real life.
2. Study these two images here https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8287/...4da6df716d.jpg and here https://farm7.staticflickr.com/6005/...c083ea9f_m.jpg. Which one do you prefer and why? How would you describe it?
I prefer the first one. The second one is too dull, every day and boring for my own tastes. The first one seems sweeping and abstract while also realistic. It's a magical place that you could actually go to. You feel like you can reach out and touch the colors and it really makes you think, because it looks like it's from a different universe. You feel like you just want to go there and live there and sit on that shore and think while the waves roar and the stars twinkle. It's calming in a way.
3. Please describe yourself as a person if you were to introduce yourself to someone else like in a cover letter. What kind of person are you and why?
I'm going to write this like I'm actually writing a letter—it'll help me get into the mindset.
I don't know where to begin, really, on describing myself, but I would like for you to understand me. That's one of the key components of me: I want to understand other people and to be understood, in turn, by other people. I have a lot of ideas in my mind that I have difficulty articulating to other people, because I always end up rattling on and on if I let myself speak. Normally they're about things other people aren't interested in, as well, so I feel fear of being judged. It's not that I think what I'm thinking about is wrong, I just feel timid to expose it to the rest of the world.
I love other people, yet I also hate them. I love studying the human condition. We are not whole, not a one of us. We are not complete, but we all find different ways to be complete. Other people, or certain hobbies or interests. I would like to get to know you to the point where I know what makes you feel complete, and I can tell you what makes me feel complete with complete, pure honesty, and not a bias on what I think you want to hear.
I often have intuitions about other people that I can't quite explain. They mostly come in forms of, “I really want to talk to this person”, or “I should stay away from this person”. Sometimes I immediately know what to say to make situations feel better, and sometimes I immediately can guess what's wrong, or why they did a certain thing. It's sort of like a sixth sense.
I'm terrible at math. I hate it. I'm also terrible at chemistry, physics, and anything similar. What I thrive in is art, creative writing, performing, and psychology. I love art, creative writing and performing because I can say what I want to say, show what I want to show and be myself and be seen and heard without being looked at too closely, because that intimidates me. I love psychology because, again, I love the fragility of the human condition and I love thinking about why people are the way they are. Going along with this, one of my goals is to help people. Not really in a day-to-day “let me get the laundry done for you”, “wash the dishes”, “cook you food”, “get you medicine” (though I love doing this for people I'm close with when they're sick or very busy), I mean more of mentally and emotionally. I love playing counselor and therapist. I love holding my friends when they're crying. It's just something I like. I'm not a fan of history, but the Holocaust is utterly fascinating to me as well. My heart breaks for all those who died, and the families of those who died. I think the reason why it's so intriguing to me is because of the injustice of it. How could one do that to another human being? How could one even harbor that much hate? I don't understand.
Now, let me admit something to you. I am not mean-spirited, but sometimes I can be very selfish and manipulative to get my way. I promise you that if you put up with this, I will be your best friend for life in return. I will hold you when you cry, get you your favorite candy during a breakup, make you a mixed CD using my music to help you better understand me, and you will be one of the first person to hear my ideas when I want to talk about them (which may or may not be right after I have them). I will also take a chainsaw to the face of anyone who hurts you, regardless of who's in the wrong. I am a good friend if you're willing to put up with me.
4. What kind of person would you LIKE to be? Why? What kind of person would you NOT want to be? Why?
I want to be the kind of person who inspires others. I want to help them along in their life journey and watch them thrive and grow. I want to be fragile but strong, like a baby bird whose nest falls, but it flies back up on its fragile, easily broken wings and tries to begin anew with another nest. I don't want to be mean, cruel, or value logic too much. I don't want to lose sight of what I feel is good in life. I don't want to hurt other people, ever. No matter who they are. I would rather help someone who abused me for years and years than say a mean word to a murderer. I just cannot do it. (This, however, only covers being mean, not being defensive. I Tweeted someone who called Demi Lovato fat saying “I cannot believe you just said that. Cannot.” I hate confrontation and conflict because I always internalize them and end up feeling ill, I take them way too personally and they completely overwhelm me and result in low-key panic attacks or high level anxiety, but I will defend what I believe is right... just gently.)
5. Do you think there are any differences to how you described yourself and how people actually perceive you? How do you think others would describe you? If there are any discrepancies between these two that are you are aware of; do you know why exactly that is?
I'm not sure on a lot of this, but I do know people either perceive me as more hyper than I am, or as more helpful than I am. (I'm rarely taken for more serious than I am). Going off of how I behave in real life, though. I always have a smile on my face and act happy to help, even if I'm completely grudgingly doing it, complaining, back talking and insulting in my head. People often don't realize what's really going on underneath, they only see what I choose to portray on the surface. (I'm trying to answer these questionnaires as honestly as I can, though.)
6. What in life do you find to be of importance? Why? If you are unsure you can always take the Value Test and post the results here. Do note that it helps if you narrow it down to 20 or ideally 10 values as suggested at stage 2.
I find taking life seriously and treating everything special as special as it is is a big thing for me. This translates into chastity (I asked my parents for a purity ring when I was 12), for example. Kindness, humility (I need to work on that one), strength (of mind, not body), love, and faith are all big ones, too. Anything along the lines of those.
7. How do you react to new situations in your life? Can you describe an event in your life where you were in an unknown situation? How did you deal with it?
Um... For this one, I'm going to pick a situation when I was 11. I tend to react similarly with changes depending on what KIND of situation it is usually. I was starting a new type of dance. I've always done lyrical, ballet, tap, jazz, and modern was close enough to lyrical that I could fumble along, but I was starting Irish dance for the first time. I was in a different studio, I'd never met the teachers before, and I knew not a single soul. My mom was so pumped up and excited for me I didn't have the heart to tell her how nervous I was, so I just smiled and told her I was excited too. I was the first person there, due to my obsessive punctuality, and I sat there in a chair in the room fiddling my thumbs with my toes going numb waiting for other people to get there. When the teacher walked in, she smiled at me, and I smiled back, but I was resisting trembling all over. I was so scared that I was going to hold the class back, be the only person there, not know what I was doing, etc. However, after about 15 minutes of the hour long class, as I was introduced to other new students my age (and older!) who were in their first class as well today, and realized I had more dance training than all of the other new students, and a more versatile background than just Irish dance with all of the old students, I quickly grew confident, made 3 or 4 friends that appeared to be more serious than the hyper ones, and almost got a bit show-offy (while trying to remain humble, but I did let myself get too big of a head...) So basically, my first instinct was fear and anxiety, then I realized I wasn't the only new person there and had a lot more experience than other new people, then quickly thrived in the environment and just kept reminding myself I wasn't the only person who didn't know what I was doing.
8. Please describe yourself when you are in a stressful situation. How do you act and why? Real life experiences are welcome.
I get anal, obsessive, anxious, and lash out at others (and feel incredibly guilty later). I tend to exhibit almost OCD behavior, such as one time, I used an entire pack of 90 bobby pins in a ponytail at a dance competition because I had recently gotten my hair layered and was paranoid that it was going to fall out. My mom said “Stop putting pins in it, it looks ridiculous”, and I promptly put in another one. She went to remove it and I smacked her hand away and said “Stop! I need them all!”
Looking back on it it was pretty dumb, but I was SO convinced at the time that if I did not have every single available bobby pin in my hair (even if that number chalked up to 500), the whole entire WORLD was going to fall apart, and we weren't going to do well, and it was going to be my fault!
9. Please describe yourself when you are in an enjoyable situation. How do you act and why? Real life experiences are welcome.
Depends on who I'm with and how comfortable I am. My most enjoyable and comfortable situation would be hanging out with my INFJ (she might be a P in my opinion but she thinks she's a J) and ENFJ best friend at a sleepover. I tend to just sit there and smile and offer my input when asked. I get lost in thought and just watch them interact and feel so special and lucky to be their friend. I often end up having deep conversation with them. I don't feel the need to compare for air time if I want to say anything like I do with anyone else. I just let myself be myself, I guess? It's hard to describe. I get lost in the moment a lot, or just let my thoughts run wild and don't feel abashed about it, because they know I'm just being myself and they appreciate that better than other people do, usually, with me.
10. Describe your relationship to socialization. How do you perceive one-on-one interaction? How do you perceive group interaction?
I prefer one-on-two interaction, like when it's me, INFJ(/P) and ENFJ. One-on-one interaction (unless it is with ONE specific person, he is the only person this does not apply to) is usually intimidating for me. I feel awkward and shy and like I have a huge spotlight on me, and I don't like that. It makes it hard for me to hold eye contact and I end up just fidgeting and cutting corners where I shouldn't, conversation-wise and moral-wise, because I just feel so intimidated and overwhelmed at the moment. Group interaction I prefer to sit back from almost completely, like a wallflower, and just watch how they're all interacting. Even if I have something really good to say, I'm afraid to say it because I feel like they'll judge me for it, so I bite my tongue and hold it back. (This may have something to do with I've been made fun of and ridiculed for my more imaginative traits and my love of books and anime, etc. before, and also that I was bullied when I was 9 years old. Or it may not. But I thought it was worth mentioning.)
11. Describe your relationship to society. What are the elements of it you hold important or unimportant (e.g. social norms, values, customs, traditions)? How do you see people as a whole?
I hold important the unspoken rule that everybody ignores where you don't shove any beliefs down anyone else's throat, no matter what belief or opinion it is. You respect and love others, regardless of whether or not you receive it in return. I'm not sure what else to say, except that I hate the vanity of our society and our human conditions. I hate how we teach men to be masculine and all-muscle. And I hate the Barbie company for releasing (sometime during the 1960s-80s, not sure exactly when) a fitness Barbie that came with a scale permanently set to 100 and a book with instructions on how to lose weight that simply said on the inside “Don't eat”. It's so vain and stupid. I don't like it. In fact, I hate it.
12. Describe your relationship to authority. How do you perceive authority? What does it mean to you, and how do you deal with it?
Authoritative figures should be respected even if you don't particularly like or agree with them. I tend to just do what they say. If I don't like them, I'll rant to my friends or my mom about that person while they're not around, but politely. (Such as “I don't think it was fair s/he did ___” is what I'll typically say, or “I don't like ____ about ____”, rather than “THAT ****ING **** DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT!”) If I really don't agree with them, I might make a side comment disguised as a joke/compliment that they'll never figure out was actually a snide comment about them, because I'm too afraid of ruining what they think of me, of humiliating them in front of other people, and of hurting their feelings.
13. Describe your relationship to order and chaos. What do order and chaos mean to you? How do they manifest in your daily life?
I like order, but it takes too much work to attain/maintain it. I hate chaos, it makes me feel sick and anxious and jumpy.
14. What is it that you fear in life? Why? How does this fear manifest to you both in how you think and how you act?
I'm afraid of not reaching my full potential, which results in an ever-ongoing quest to find myself and how best to apply myself to the things that I want to accomplish in life.
15. What is it that you desire in life? What do you strive to achieve? Why? Where do you think these drives and desires stem from or are inspired by?
I've mentioned what I desire the most earlier, I think. I desire to help people psychologically and emotionally, and to watch them thrive. I want to start an organization with my boyfriend, similar to TWLOHA, that caters to these needs. I'm not sure where they come from, I just know that I have to do it and that I'm one of the best people for the job at the present moment in time.
16. a) What activities energize you most? b) What activities drain you most? Why?
a) Writing, performing, art, and talking to a handful of people who understand me well—like I said earlier, because I can be seen and understood without being looked at too closely. b) Talking to people that don't really understand me, because it's so draining physically and mentally to try to explain myself to them if they don't understand me or the object of conversation at all.
17. Why do you want to know your type? What type do you think you are? Why this/these type(s)? Is there a type that appeals to you, to your self-perception, that you would like to be? Why? If you know your enneagram, please post this here. If you have done any online function tests such as the Keys2Cognition, it helps if you post these results here as well.
I want to know my type because I think it would be beneficial in learning about myself, becoming the best me that I can be, and explaining myself to other people. I think I'm an IxFJ but I have considered IxFP before. Because they're the types I relate to most or act like most. I would like to be an INFJ if I could choose—there's just something that draws me towards them like a magnet, I'm not quite sure why exactly. I don't know what my enneagram is but I'm thinking 4w5 or 6w7. 2 with a 3 wing is a possibility but I'm really leaning towards 4w5. I'm not sure why, I just read it and go “yep, that's me.”
It's pretty late right now and my mom might catch me up at any minute, but I'll take Keys2Cognition tomorrow and post my results. I've taken it before but I don't remember what function orders and numbers it gave me, though it did say I'm either an INFP, INFJ or ISFP the last time I took it two months ago-ish.
This isn't a part of the questionnaire, but a few nights ago I suddenly felt inspired by the Heavy and Light 2012 Intro video posted by TWLOHA (if you're curious on what that video is, it may be found here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57MvEOXNW4E ) and I immediately did what every sane person does... gushed it out on Tumblr.
This was what I wrote. This was when I wasn't thinking about “what type am I?”, which may subconsciously be making me act a certain way, so you might get an idea of some type of mental process in my head by reading it.
“I’m glad that I’m friends with the troubled and disordered people that I am. Of course, I wish they weren’t that way because it hurts me when they’re hurting… but I’m glad I’m friends with them. No matter how hard it is.
No matter how much they worry me.
No matter how terrified I am sometimes.
There’s something painful and hard but also easy and inspiring about it. It’s impressive, and it’s instinct. It’s awful and it’s wonderful. It’s ugly and it’s beautiful, just like people.
When you’re up all night with the friends that mean the most to you in the world and you feel kinda funny and disoriented and you have the aftertaste of everything you’ve eaten and drank in the last 10 hours awake with them in your mouth and they’re crying in your arms and you’re holding them, it’s so honest and it’s also hopeful because they can cry.
They are breathing. They are gasping. They are crying. And they’re fighting. Because they’re letting it out and trying to win they are fighting.
And as you watch them go from drunk every day and scars all over to drunk once a week and fading scars to completely sober and only caving to blades once in awhile, there’s something so raw and hopeful and personal and inspiring about that.
Or when you look back on old photographs and you can see in their eyes there’s death and pain and blood and worries and self-consciousness, and then you look at the same person sitting next to you and they’re smiling honestly and laughing and enjoying life and not worrying, or knowing how better to handle that worry.
If you look at some big celebrity, like Demi Lovato, you can see what I’m talking about. Listening to Skyscraper, listening to Fix a Heart, listening to For the Love of a Daughter, you can see what I’m talking about. But she was hiding it for the majority of her journey. Imagine watching it.
Or, not even her.
Imagine watching your very best friend, your eccentric and crazy and raw and sad and happy and beautiful and wonderful and out of the norm and complicated best friend who you can order for at Starbucks without asking them what they want and whose house you could maneuver to without asking and who you had tons of inside jokes with and who you could read like a picture book go through it.
And you see them go from the most broken person who no glue in the world could fix, to being happy enough they’re stable but sad enough they aren’t really happy, to the point you almost never have to worry about them anymore, though they do fall down because we’re human.
None of us are complete.
But you feel complete and whole when you watch that.
That is why I love being friends with the troubled, disordered people that I am, because I love watching them learn how to be happy and helping to teach them when all their own wisdom fails.
That is why I love To Write Love on Her Arms.
That is why I want to start my own organization and be a counselor someday.
I want to feel that painful and hard and easy and inspiring and impressive and instinct and awful and wonderful and ugly and beautiful raw and hopeful and personal and people-connecting and inspiring feeling every day because it’s so wonderful to watch them come out on the other side.”
Will post an Ennagream questionnaire tomorrow, maybe. For now, I'm going to go get on here on my phone and pretend to be asleep in case my mom wakes up.