I hope someone can help me sort this out.
I have been reading MBTI for a very long time. I've taken about a bazillion free online tests with varying results. The three that seem to come up the most are INFP, ISFP and ISTJ.
I've spent some time lurking on various forums and especially enjoy the "You Know You're A ____ When" threads over on a different forum. I can especially relate to the INFP and ISTJ.
This has been very confusing for me.
So then I stared focusing on the function stack instead and that helped clear it up somewhat.
I took the Keys 2 Cognition thing and have excellent use of Si, Te and Fi. I have limited use of Ne and Ni. So, by reviewing all of the function stacks, I discovered that ESTJ, ISTJ, ENFP and INFP all use the same four functions (Si, Te, Fi and Ne) just in different orders.
The thing is, I've been all over the board behaviorally. I did not grow up in a safe environment and I turned all of myself inward. I am slowly learning who is the real me. I've always thought I was an introvert but now I'm not so sure if I'm an introvert or an extrovert who was terrified into silence. I have started support groups and gone on retreats where I didn't know a soul just to reach out to people. When I'm in a good mood, I will chit chat with the people in line at the grocery store or gas station. It's when I get crabby or depressed that I clam up and go DEEP inside of myself.
I work as a bank teller and, once I got over my fear of people, I LOVE my job. When I was younger I worked around people all the time and loved it. Then I went into accounting. Even then, I used to go cover for the receptionist once in awhile because not being around people drove me bananas. At the same time, when I home-schooled my kids, they drove me bananas and I did not do well at all. I needed quiet down time and never got it so I don't know. It's like I really need both. If I don't have lots of people time, I don't do well but I also need lots of time to process or I don't do well.
Another reason I'm wondering if I'm an extrovert is I know that sometimes I'm a verbal processor. I've been told it's exhausting listening to me and that the only thing consistent about me is I'm inconsistent. Which is funny because my last job I had for nine years, home with my kids for six and now I'm six years into this job. I'm far more consistent than the person who told me that. I'm inconsistent because people mistake my brainstorming for plan-making and then get frustrated with me when I don't do any of it. I wasn't planning. I was clearing out the mental clutter!
I have no qualms spilling my entire life story to whoever will listen to the point that it's pathetic. I know I'm self-centered when it comes to conversations and it drives me nuts. I really try to get others to talk about themselves more. But I might just be hard on myself because I have been told that I am so interested in other people and that I remember things about people that others don't remember.
So I have a theory that one of these is the "real me" and its opposite is my depressed alter-ego. I just struggle to figure out which. I feel like more of a sensor than an intuitive. I feel like more of a feeler than a thinker. I have very strong values and morals. I follow the rules and beat the snot out of myself when I don't. I feel better when I'm a judger and hate it when my little perceiver comes out and wrecks my plans. But it feels good to indulge at the moment. Then I beat the snot out of myself for not getting the laundry done. I hate dayplanners. I never stick with one. My best dayplanner is my brain.
It takes me forever to make a decision because I have to consider all of my known options and explore all of the alternatives. It took me five years to decide to stick with banking. I didn't do anything rash during that time. I did try out a few things on the side - a craft business online, a couple blogs online - and realized that I really like my job now so I may as well pursue it as a career. Part of that came when I realized that I feel like an S, not an N. I was trying to find a "life purpose" and "mission" and a way to devote my life to helping people and all that garbage and it was really depressing because nothing was coming to me. Nothing inspired me at all. When I stopped trying to be an intuitive flower-child, I felt so much better. I am pumped up to go be a business goddess. I feel back to me.
I've been told I'm a leader, I know when I'm bossing the other tellers around. It happens often. I can't help it. I have an almost-genius IQ. I'm the top salesperson in our branch. I see what needs to be done and it drives me nuts to leave it undone. I see when they're making a mistake and I'm trying to be helpful. Now two years ago I didn't boss anyone on this job. As my confidence grew, so did my bossiness. It drives me nuts sometimes.
Sometimes I want to just be one of the girls but I can't. I'm not like them. For fun in my spare time I read anatomy textbooks and personal development books. I don't drink. I don't do bars. I don't do Cosmo. I don't care which celebrity is sleeping with who this week. I don't do body lotions and foundation and youth serum. I do curl my hair and wear make-up. I just don't obsess over it. I find Victoria's Secret distasteful and I blush every time there's a commercial on or when I see their store in the mall. Some things are meant to be private and ladies undergarments are one of them. Ladies monthly cycles are another. And I really did not need to know that Bob Dole suffered from ED.
I do have a great sense of humor. I love puns. I take words literally. I can find a song for just about any occasion. I have an amazing memory in general. It is most useful for song lyrics and lines from movies.
So what am I?