INFJ: What ennagram type does this sound like to you?

[Ribonuke]

For the record, I've taken Enneagram tests before, and I know what my score is. But I don't wanna list what my score was right this minute because I don't want it to have an influence on your opinion. ^^;;

I know these traits relate to some particular Enneagram type, but due to my lack of familiarity with it, I can't figure out what:

* I worry very much about how I come across to other people; I want to be unique and stand out, and I want to be able to be comfortable with myself. However, I often go through these periods of self-doubt, becoming very concerned over my ability to take care of myself, but even more-so worrying about how I appear to other people. When I am not emotionally stable *COUGHCOUGHpmsCOUGH*, I start thinking that others see me as this very introverted, awkward, submissive, ineffective person, and such worries have a very negative impact on my self-esteem. I keep feeling like I myself am responsible for how others perceive me, and that I will never be able to reconcile the conflict between my desire to be loved and respected and my desire to be "myself".

* I love learning, or rather making new connections about the world. Ever since I was very young (read: 3-4 years old), every time I saw something that scared, thrilled, or otherwise put me in a state of awe, I would become obsessed with it and want to learn everything I could about that scary thing. Straits of Magellan, volcanoes, Ebola virus, Iceland, classical pieces, certain kinds of bodily injuries, etc. Usually I would see these kinds of things in movies, and if I didn't understand why those things affected me the way they did, then I would do a lot of personal research on the topic until I became an expert on it.

Does this strike anyone as a particular Enneagram type, wing or no wing?

 

[CuriousFeeling]

4w5

Tritype:
4-5-9, the Contemplative.

This is on the basis of your identity, feeling self-conscious, and yearning for others to understand you. Penchant for researching on a topic till you become an expert is indicative of having 5-wing, as well as having it in your tritype. Type 9 in gut triad in your tritype, since under stress you disintegrate to negative type 6 behaviors.

Self-preservation instinctual variant and social instinctual variants seem more prevalent here. I'm leaning towards social because you're concerned about interacting with other people, followed by your own personal security.

 

[Riva]

My enneagram knowledge is weak but even I could have guessed 4w5.

 

[Ribonuke]

Yeah, I figured that 4w5-ness would be the most apparent one.

This leaves me a bit disheartened, because I read somewhere about the life-satisfaction of 4w5 having a relatively negative prognosis... ._.;;

Any advice on how I can try to make the most of it?

 

[Tiltyred]

What you should do is ... just try to make the most of it. :-D
Don't you have some fun learning about the stuff that turns you on? People-watching? Wallowing in melancholy on a rainy day while listening to moody music? Being alone? Y'know, the simple pleasures?

 

[Ism]

Yeah, I figured that 4w5-ness would be the most apparent one.

This leaves me a bit disheartened, because I read somewhere about the life-satisfaction of 4w5 having a relatively negative prognosis... ._.;;

Any advice on how I can try to make the most of it?

Don't take enneagram stereotypes as a death sentence, haha. They say 9s are meely-mouthy and can barely decide which way is up or down, but I hardly subscribe to that. Try and use it more as an explanatory tool than as an authority; you'll be all the better for it.

 

[Ribonuke]

What you should do is ... just try to make the most of it. :-D
Don't you have some fun learning about the stuff that turns you on? People-watching? Wallowing in melancholy on a rainy day while listening to moody music? Being alone? Y'know, the simple pleasures?

xD I've been trying to enjoy the little things, but there's always this little nagging voice in my head that tells me that I should be doing something more productive, and ends up ruining my enjoyment and making me feel anxious (I have a Generalized Anxiety Disorder). But it's something I'm working on...

Don't take enneagram stereotypes as a death sentence, haha. They say 9s are meely-mouthy and can barely decide which way is up or down, but I hardly subscribe to that. Try and use it more as an explanatory tool than as an authority; you'll be all the better for it.

Understood, but the issue with me is that the stereotype is sorta TRUE...I've had trouble letting myself be 'happy' ever since about age 12; I always felt like I was a burden to others and that I was unaware of how the world worked, or that there was always something "lacking" in me before I could fully become a human being...

 

[skylights]

Yeah, I figured that 4w5-ness would be the most apparent one.

This leaves me a bit disheartened, because I read somewhere about the life-satisfaction of 4w5 having a relatively negative prognosis... ._.;;

Any advice on how I can try to make the most of it?

I always felt like I was a burden to others and that I was unaware of how the world worked, or that there was always something "lacking" in me before I could fully become a human being...

I understand that "holding back" feeling. You have to trust and go for it, which I know is much easier said than done.

Surround yourself with people who encourage you to be the best you. I'm a 6 and always get trapped inside my head, watching, waiting, waiting, waiting. I like people who are warm and welcoming, and who encourage me into action. I still struggle on my own, but it's easier with them around. For me that's generally FJs - my mom's ESFJ, my best friend ENFJ, another close friend ESFJ, my boyfriend ISFJ. I'm learning from them. There's so much to be said for a good support system.

And enjoy the simple pleasures, like Tilty said. Emphasize the good in your enneatype. You're deep, artistic, original, aesthetic. Enjoy beauty, emotion, creativity, originality, difference, empathy. Use your talents to make yourself and others happy. You will always be the ultimate empath because you understand the depths of unhappiness and dissatisfaction, and there is a soothing groundedness in that. You can be a refuge for others, and from doing that from them you can see how they really do understand you in ways, too.

I read a pleasing article on studies that have shown that humans are very good at reporting current happiness, and very bad at accurately remembering past happiness and predicting future happiness. Don't worry yourself with the prognosis, it's probably inaccurate anyway. Focus on moment-to-moment happiness!