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  1. #1
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    Default Boyfriend's Type, Part 2: ESTJ? ESTP?

    Gah, it's me again. So, I originally made a thread inquiring whether my boyfriend was an ENTJ or ESTJ here. It was established that he is most likely not an N-type due to unconcern for future implications, need for direct (rather than vague/abstract) evidence and explanation, and focus on how things are rather than how they should/could be. One very intelligent user suggested that he may actually be an ESTP. After doing much research on both ESTPs and ESTJs, I found that he has many attributes of both. Still, he doesn't seem to be a pure model of either type, and this is where I'm completely stuck and would like more input from others here.

    This post is probably going to be pretty long since I'm going to list as many relevant attributes as possible. Let's get started:

    -He is blunt and never beats around the bush. This makes him pretty unpopular on the internet, ha... He's always been the type of person to mean what he says, unless it's very clear he's joking. He will put on his diplomatic face if he's in a situation where politeness is key (like meeting up with my parents, or if he's in a job situation).

    -He is not the type of person who would flippantly leave a relationship or career just because he gets bored with it. He's very steady and reliable in this way.

    -He's extremely committed in our relationship and has no problem telling me he loves me. I've read that ESTPs usually see sex as a recreational activity that's meant mainly for fun... My boyfriend doesn't quite feel this way. While sex is definitely FUN, he also feels that it's a way for us to connect emotionally and doesn't see it as just a physical release between us. He's expressed that the idea of having sex with anyone else, even in a consensual setting like a threesome, makes him uncomfortable because, I quote, "I'm too committed to you. Maybe in the beginning of the relationship when we weren't serious, I might've considered it, but even then I don't think I would've gone through with it. It's like my feelings for you are too strong to really want that shit."

    -In high school he used to date a lot of people, but I think he's reached that stage where he's settled down, as illustrated in my previous point. When he's invested in a relationship, he's really serious and committed. Gosh, when we first met, he went after me like a tiger fixated on its prey! :P After only a few months of dating, I broke up with him due to religious differences... It was a really messy breakup and we stayed apart for a year. We still loved and missed each other the whole time (he didn't even try dating anyone else that entire year) and got back together eventually. Been together for 2 years now.

    -He's careful about where he spends his money; he's not a big risk taker in terms of financial issues.

    -He's a HUGE jokester and has ADHD to boot. Definitely has an over-the-top, boisterous and teasing nature. One thing that annoys me is that when I'm trying to talk about a serious subject, he'll sometimes make a random joke and go on a tangent. This isn't to say that he doesn't care or gives serious input - he does, every time. It's just that sometimes his ADHD kicks in and he momentarily loses focus.

    -He is amazing at living in the moment and adapting to whatever changes enter his life.

    -He doesn't feel the need to try things if he's morally opposed to them (he's anti-alcohol and anti-drugs).

    -He doesn't care about getting every shiny new gadget that comes out - not the type of person who needs to buy every new iPhone for example.

    -He doesn't have a wide circle of friends and is fine with this. He generally prefers to sit in with me rather than go out with a group. He's also very picky about the friends he chooses; he is not afraid to drop someone if he turns out to not like them. He feels content having a romantic relationship with me as well as some internet friends.

    -This isn't to say that he's against doing things that are fun and exciting. He's expressed interest in skydiving with me, for example (this idea frightens me though...:P). He definitely enjoys going new places and experiencing new things with me, as long as we can afford it.

    -He's spontaneous and doesn't feel the need to stick to plans.

    -He has a naturally rebellious personality and doesn't feel the need to follow the rules unless he finds them reasonable. He was highly rebellious towards his parents if he thought they were being unreasonable. He often tries to find a loophole in the rules or discover exploits. He'll only strictly follow the rules if he has to, like at a job.

    -He's optimistic by nature, definitely not a doom and gloom type of attitude unless he knows there's nothing he can do to change his situation.

    -He's very tactical. He played through all of Dark Souls (for those unaware, a videogame that's widely regarded as being VERY difficult and something many people can't finish) relatively easily, far better than most people do, because he's so good at figuring out how AI works and how to adapt to any situation as it comes. This also makes him great at RTS games that demand immediate, quick reactions and strategy based on the current problem.

    -He doesn't really care about fashion at all; all that matters is that he has T-shirts and jeans that fit.

    -He has a "fuck you" type of attitude towards those who try to tell him to be someone he's not. He's independent and true to himself.

    -Honesty and truth are things he values above almost all else.

    -He doesn't care about tradition unless it's a method that's proven to be practical and effective.




    SO, basically... He does not appear to have the negative traits of ESTPs or ESTJs. He is not flippant, disloyal, or needy for new things. At the same time, he's not a stiffler for rules, a conformist, or overly serious. He's spontaneous, adaptable and independent while, at the same time, committed to his big life choices, steady/reliable and set in his ways. Are there ESTJs who are boisterous jokesters and AREN'T like your strict boss? Are there ESTPs who are staunchly committed romantically for the long run, don't constantly change jobs and don't need to have a wide circle of acquaintances?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Catzilla View Post
    Gah, it's me again. So, I originally made a thread inquiring whether my boyfriend was an ENTJ or ESTJ here. It was established that he is most likely not an N-type due to unconcern for future implications, need for direct (rather than vague/abstract) evidence and explanation, and focus on how things are rather than how they should/could be. One very intelligent user suggested that he may actually be an ESTP. After doing much research on both ESTPs and ESTJs, I found that he has many attributes of both. Still, he doesn't seem to be a pure model of either type, and this is where I'm completely stuck and would like more input from others here.
    Stop believing in the MBTI and you'll cure your stuckness.
    "Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the mouth." Mike Tyson
    “Culture?” says Paul McCartney. “This isn't culture. It's just a good laugh.”

  3. #3
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Catzilla View Post
    Are there ESTJs who are boisterous jokesters and AREN'T like your strict boss? Are there ESTPs who are staunchly committed romantically for the long run, don't constantly change jobs and don't need to have a wide circle of acquaintances?
    yes and yes...my boss isn't too crazy as an ESTJ...she can steamroll people...I guess....but I don't notice it ha ha probably cause I feel the same way as her, I just don't act like it. It's really the F's that take that personally though.

    When I'm trying to type someone, I keep it simple. I go by the letters. Then I make sure the functions match.

    You have already established that they're an S, right?
    -So are you 100% sure they're an E? are they energized by external world more than they are internal?
    -Are you 100% sure they're a T..
    - I feel like the last letter is easy if you have those down sometimes. Do they NEED a clean environment to think?

    -If their facial expressoins are more animated they could be TP...meaning extraverted feeling so the top half of their face may contribute to facial expressions. Introverted feelers don't really move any of the muscles above the eyes a whole lot when making facial expressions.

    For the functions it's sometimes hard for me to distinguish Te from Se because they both want concrete immediate results just for different reasons. they both want to be "doing" something. Does he try to control the environment or not?
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

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