I sit here typing as I devour a delicious chicken pot pie, thinking about questions regarding who I am like, "What is my mbti type?" "Do I use Fi or Fe?" "What is my favorite color-berry or lime green?" I think I'm an extravert because I honestly truly do get excited when I have a conversation with someone. It makes my day a little brighter. The thing is though, I think of initiating conversation as a chore because of the initial stages of awkwardness. I'm pretty sure I'm an intuitive because I'm all about possibilities and the future. I'm a very goal-oriented person. I love keeping track of where I am, goal wise. I post a ton of post it notes with to do lists on them to my headboard every day. My social niceties revolve more about how I would feel if I were in someone's place than anything else. I love it when people are honest about what they feel. I try to avoid being a hypocrite and I like to think I rarely am hypocritical. I think more people should attempt to be compassionate. After all, we all make mistakes, insulting/hurting someone's feelings just makes things worse. I really hate it when people are mean to people who are socially awkward. Like what's so fun about that? Why can't you just explain why you're offended and just calm the fuck down? I've been there before and I was a depressed mess of a person.
I feel like I'm coming off as preachy so I'm going to share what I think are my flaws. I can be oblivious, annoying, and very harsh when I'm a mixture of hurt/offended. I also can be a bit bossy/pushy when nobody seems to be doing anything right. I'm also 14 years old, so that might give you all a clue about my cognitive function development.
For a large part of my childhood, I was depressed and unhealthy emotionally. From the time I was 8, I kept thinking about suicide and occasionally I cut myself. I think it was caused by being an shy, book-loving outcast and maybe by the fact that my mom can be slightly abusive. Like I was a seriously irritating kid so my mom hit me a lot and I remember a few times when I was around 5-7, she beat me with a belt but I'm not sure if that's actually abusive or not. She kept saying I was possessed by the devil since the age of 6 and I can hear her playing to God many times to fix me. It was somewhat hurtful at first but now when she talks a like that, it's more of a buzzing in my ear, like the type of sound a particularly annoying mosquito makes. My dad is really annoying and I consider him well-intentioned but I just find him super irritating because he shouts constantly, horse plays way too much, and listens to his music at the highest volume possible. Like I listen to music in my room a lot too but I don't turn it up too high unless nobody's home because I know I dislike it when I can hear music from somewhere in the house in my room so he could try respecting my wishes instead of telling me to, "quit nagging". He's an ESFP by the way and my mom's an ESFJ. Now don't get me wrong, I love her because she's a very sweet and helpful person but she can be very self-righteous at times. I tried to avoid sharing/showing my feelings to both my parents because I didn't want to get hurt nor do I feel comfortable. Occasionally, I share a positive feeling with my mom but it's rare.
I'm glad to say that I'm completely healthy and happy now. I overcame my issues by learning how to accept and appreciate myself for who I am. I love life and everyone's great! So that's it, what do you guys think my mbti type is? I'd love to hear your thoughts.