Second thoughts about my type

[Presumptuous Pepper]

I already posted one thread where i wanted to check my type. Unfortunately, as much as i want to make a final decision there is always smth in a back of my mind makes me have second thoughts about my type(maybe because of lack of information, lack of knowledge or simple internal confusion about myself).

I'm having problems seeing my way of thinking, feeling etc.
Why am i having these problems?
It is not that i have doubts about everything. I am sure as hell, even if im doubting, that i am certain N type. On the other hand seeing do i think or feel is rather hard for me which can be lack of application of this theory in a sense of seeing traits in myself and others. Simply, i sometimes think it's best for others to decide according to how they see me, but i see myself in two different lights: outside and inside. Not like an earth and water differences but certain traits only you know about yourself, and you are in a hidden fashion aware of these.

But I am done having an idea about which type i could be and then just type myself as that type. Cuz i have noticed a certain degree of submissive thinking in me which works in a way of finding more and more traits about a type i choose in me. Which can be fooling myself. Maybe it's not seeing an objective external options and connecting them to myself, maybe it's ever other way round: finding traits and connecting them to this theory. I can see im doing both.

I personally feel like i need directing to find what am i looking at really. What am i searching for? I have always seen this theory as nothing more or nothing less then a certain core of ones personality. What is really in my core and what is build through ages? How am i?
Ofc, i am not trying to answer existential question with this theory but i am trying to go inside of this theory for which i have a lot of hope and faith for.


Why not INFP?
There are many traits of INFPs i can correlate to. But Fi dom doesn't seem like me. I don't put as much as weight on deciding with my feelings. I would say i put equally faith in head and heart. I usually choose what i care for, find also rational explanation for my feelings about it and then go for it. But rational alone or feeling alone do not make decisions for me.
I strive for balance myself. Even if i don't have a balance in my life i have to feel things i do make some kind of a sense but they also need to feel right.
Generally i am very confused about how i feel myself about things, i would say i understand better how am i suppose to feel. This often makes dual in me cuz i am feeling i am not being myself. But i don't see it as wrong since i believe in two sides of everybody and everything that you do is you and it is coming from a very core of your personality and each trait for many different reasons.

Inferior in certain S function?
Another of my doubts. As much as i noticed inferior function rises when stressed. Reading descriptions of inferior sensing functions and regarding the fact they show themselves in stress periods of life, i had a little observation on myself since i was in stress period of my life recently and still am.
Usually description of my stress would seem like this: if stress is about some medical issues i am usually badly paranoid cuz i have troubles listening to my body. Generally my feelings become very extroverted and i seem to show very often mood swings (according to people around me). I have symptoms of smth for example that show nothing but i have a hunch so i get paranoid. Then my mind usually starts to create symptoms on my body - transferring literally. Under stress i also tend to be (and this will be funny and extremely shameful to admit) more sexual then usually...don't notice it very often, its not really some extreme but it seems like it's one of my ways of dealing with stress.

This is all noticed by outside world which often results with me explaining myself and trying not to be boring and then apologizing around. Hence, why i always joke around when talking about a bit of serious to prevent a damage on my relationship with another person. I seem to have problems with negative reactions of my surroundings but i seem to handle reactions well and i can often predict them or in a way manipulate them which usually means not being completely honest.


Other little things is Fi/Fe that bugs me:
I seem to be a bit confused about how i feel myself, i tend to go by how other people feel. This doesn't necessarily means being in tune always, but it means i am very much uncomfortable with myself if i can't follow moods around me. I usually avoid conflicts in a way that i am prepared to tell the truth in someone face and then as soon as i see someone mad, my instincts go: "calm them down!!!" so that ends up with me changing my story to smth nice so i can fix their mood.
I am also a little aware of my feelings, other people see them on me and read them of me more then i do. I mostly can't hold a lot in me cuz i get too stressed about it, but i don't like to be a burden to others. But i know how to say it to be amusing at the same time and serious so it gets on a right way. I am constantly following my gut feelings about things and i do follow my heart and head almost equally but prefer for my decision be a bit more on a heart in a core of them.


As a person i have concentration problems often and i get lost in my head all of the sudden so people have to call me to come back to reality. I get obsessed easily with things and i don't let go until im done investigating everything about it. I was a bit impulsive person as teenager and a bit more aggressive for a girl but i always tend to control it in front of others and show a calm face. To be honest, mostly cuz i think it's bad for people to see you as assertive and it's not fair to anybody to put up with it. This personally brings more harmony in my opinion. I am kinda control person and i often regret and like int he same time when i do loose control over myself.

so that's all i can remember for now, as in type related or i hope it is at least a bit. So you can maybe help me out here. My main doubt is mostly that i do think the certain Si or Se function is my inferior (maybe im doubting the wrong thing but it's just an idea that got in my head while reading more articles about it etc. and exactly when i did find myself in stressful period of my life).

So any help here or comments on my suspicions would be helpful thank you a lot and sry for being pain in the a**

 

[Presumptuous Pepper]

Also - to make myself useful i will do one more questionnaire to help out.

1. Click on this link: http://www.flickr.com/explore/ Look at the random photo for about 30 seconds. Copy and paste it here, and write about your impression of it.

Usually black and white picture remind me of past or smth that doesn't have boundaries of time.
Stairs seem to represent a certain path or a way. This is a way down, so i am guessing it's either going into the deep or the back of your mind or in your head. Could represent downfall of ones life path but not in this picture i think. It seems to go into the fog. Fog is usually dreamy element and irresolution. Which means ones you dive in down these stairs your mind is in almost another dimension. this picture gives me a feeling of smth i feel like a free ways and open end of mind. It's might closed in your mind but for me that always felt like an infinity of possibilities.
This picture also reminds me of period of time when i was writing. For some reason i have always put pictures under the text which would be able to correspond to the text. Implication of subjective meaning i guess. also the picture gives me a good idea about a certain subject that could be discussed, few of thous. Could be describing feeling or sensation of diving in into your own mind (blessing in a way for me would be a feeling).


2. You are with a group of people in a car, heading to a different town to see your favourite band/artist/musician. Suddenly, the car breaks down for an unknown reason in the middle of nowhere. What are your initial thoughts? What are your outward reactions?

Well my initial thoughts would probably try and predict can we still make ti somehow or we are gonna be in the middle of nowhere which can be exciting if i decide to be flexible and embrace that at least i can have adventure with my friends. But if i get to stressed and goal oriented about where we were going i can get very frustrated. I guess i would feel best if everybody would be happy in the end with how things turned out even if we don't see the concert.
Outwardly i would either panic and soon calm down and see positives. Or i would say, what the hell, we will see what happens - at least i am with friends which would make me feel better no matter what happens, but i would wish for everybody to feel as comfortable so positive attitude would be best.

3. You somehow make it to the concert. The driver wants to go to the afterparty that was announced (and assure you they won't drink so they can drive back later). How do you feel about this party? What do you do?

First of all, i would be disappointed cuz part of me probably already got used to the fact we are spending time in the middle of nowhere so i would have to adapt myself again and set up another mind set.
Well driver doesn't drink, i know that's not fair to him but the others shoudl just have their drinking in a control...if ti happens. But step by step, i would have faith that they would be smart enough to what they should. Ofc i would mention these terms in the beginning...maybe. Anyway i would see how many people wanna go and i personally would feel a bit impartial. It can be good party to see, why not. I don't like big crowds but maybe i can have some fun on a side and with smaller group of friends. I would probably count on someone being a bit more loner like me so we can step aside to gather and chat with a pine of smth and chill and talk.


4. On the drive back, your friends are talking. A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward reaction? What do you outwardly say?

Lol well i would maybe try and discuss it in friendly manner before starting an argument to see what are opinions really like. I could get impulsive but i tend not to be. I would try to make a compromise if possible but if not, this person has her's opinion and i have mine...what the hell...there is a place for both opinions in this car. But as long as her opinion doesn't put the whole group on fire i am fine, if i am only on fire i can handle myself and maybe resolve it friendly manner.

5. What would you do if you actually saw/experienced something that clashes with your previous beliefs, experiences, and habits?

I think i would state my opinion about it to my close friends to see what they think of the situation as well. I like to discuss sometimes these things. But i react mostly if smth is generally not so good and damageable for most people. If it's only a private choice issue i would have an opinion of whats best to do but i also except private choice. Ofc in some general boundaries. But accepting is a part of that i don't like to show myself as pushy even if i can be. But i know how to state smth general always in order to be diplomatic.
If it's an experience, what the hell, we all have different experiences - i guess they are all possible to happen - i don't mind that at all.

6. What are some of your most important values? How did you come about determining them? How can they change?

I guess they change with time and maturity if i have them. They change according to people with who i am talking to. My values and relationship with opinions are dependable also about with who am i talking to, i take into consideration the other person and it's personality and how that fits in with them. I think it's also how i determine them. As i already stated, my values can be easily compromised but there are simply some things that are objectively right or wrong so to some things you can't really say "ok, it's maybe right" - cuz objectively - it's simply not.

7. a) What about your personality most distinguishes you from everyone else? b) If you could change one thing about you personality, what would it be? Why?

a) I guess i can be less transparent in putting in other picture of me then some of my friends. Some of my friends always say that my personal emotions are not always able to read well even if my face is expressive when i am talking. I guess my own personal world is the most special thing i have. I always considered it to be like a certain secret garden, a space in my mind where i can always put on a new show or imagination on a stage, like my own private theater in my head.


b) i would like to understand better what i really want. i would like to not to freak out so often cuz i hate to show that face of me. The face of someone unreasonable and uncontrolled.
It's just not smth that makes a positive effect. Getting older i control it well, but i am still a bit paranoid and i hate it cuz i always feel like im the most tiring person to them cuz of it. I wish i am so much more calm and controlled.

8. How do you treat hunches or gut feelings? In what situations are they most often triggered?

Hunches i have often, correct or incorrect, depends. If it's me being paranoid simply and disregarding completely facts - yeah they tend to be too much. But if i am calmed and have a hunch i am usually right. Gut feelings - i have them usually about people, can't explain them but they tell me how to behave around others. Thous are usually right.
I have hunches sometimes about what is gonna happen, or could, that can be a little bit thinking of future and i am good at it. As long as i don't go 20 steps too much into the future cuz then everybody start slowing me down

9. a) What activities energize you most? b) What activities drain you most? Why?

Energy i get from being imaginative, thinking about things, imaginations - i feel the happiest doing it. It just gives me enough food to have a better mood through the whole day.

What drains me is when i have to pay full focus and attention on current ask or world around me. I feel very uncomfortable with it, it makes me panic really.

10. What do you repress about your outward behavior or internal thought process when around others? Why?

Well i am always trying to hide anger and impulsive nature. I am always trying to be less paranoid and say the right thing not some release of my current state.
I am always trying to not to worry less about small things cuz small things always annoy me.
But i am generally just always trying to stay in my best no matter what, sometimes goes well, sometimes goes bad :/

 

[Eugene Watson VIII]

Hmm, if you were typed INFP once and for a while, I'm going to assume it will be INFP or rather close to it. My votes for INFP 9 (maybe an 8 winger).

 

[Presumptuous Pepper]

First of all, thank you for your response and opinion!

Hmm, if you were typed INFP once and for a while, I'm going to assume it will be INFP or rather close to it. My votes for INFP 9 (maybe an 8 winger).

I get your point but in reality i was typed many different things from resolving questions like this.
My first type according to tests was INTP! But i am not as blunt as dom thinkers.
Next type was an ENTP. Not from tests but most people claimed i show sings of Ne dom even when choosing my type cuz im always looking at possibility to be every type. That and it was observed i show sings of subjective logic and apologizing when criticizing people in Fe fashion. That and my internal reactions had sings of Si inferior.
Then again...i doubt i am an extrovert, i seriously do. And im not sure that being capable of logical thinking has to make me exactly a T type. Alsn5 ENTP missed describing many parts of me.

INFP does make sense, but looking at the development, as a kid i surely wasnt Fi dom child. I didnt have emphasis on emotional. If i should describe my early life i think i was just comfy in my mind with my random ideas and imagination. Later on i developed emphaty for people and making them laugh and them enjoying my company made me socialize. I simply enjoy being in company of other when i see a purpose of doing good to them. But my mind often draws itself inside so i get terrible with not hearing anything around me. But i like it when it makes other laugh.

And as i have said, i dont think im inferior in T function. More like in S function. Thats my thought.
So when you say smth close to INFP, what would your second guess be?
(Just to give me an idea of your full opinion)

 

[Presumptuous Pepper]

First of all, thank you for your response and opinion!

Hmm, if you were typed INFP once and for a while, I'm going to assume it will be INFP or rather close to it. My votes for INFP 9 (maybe an 8 winger).

I get your point but in reality i was typed many different things from resolving questions like this.
My first type according to tests was INTP! But i am not as blunt as dom thinkers.
Next type was an ENTP. Not from tests but most people claimed i show sings of Ne dom even when choosing my type cuz im always looking at possibility to be every type. That and it was observed i show sings of subjective logic and apologizing when criticizing people in Fe fashion. That and my internal reactions had sings of Si inferior.
Then again...i doubt i am an extrovert, i seriously do. And im not sure that being capable of logical thinking has to make me exactly a T type. Alsn5 ENTP missed describing many parts of me.

INFP does make sense, but looking at the development, as a kid i surely wasnt Fi dom child. I didnt have emphasis on emotional. If i should describe my early life i think i was just comfy in my mind with my random ideas and imagination. Later on i developed emphaty for people and making them laugh and them enjoying my company made me socialize. I simply enjoy being in company of other when i see a purpose of doing good to them. But my mind often draws itself inside so i get terrible with not hearing anything around me. But i like it when it makes other laugh.

And as i have said, i dont think im inferior in T function. More like in S function. Thats my thought.
So when you say smth close to INFP, what would your second guess be?
(Just to give me an idea of your full opinion)