I already posted one thread where i wanted to check my type. Unfortunately, as much as i want to make a final decision there is always smth in a back of my mind makes me have second thoughts about my type(maybe because of lack of information, lack of knowledge or simple internal confusion about myself).
I'm having problems seeing my way of thinking, feeling etc.
Why am i having these problems?
It is not that i have doubts about everything. I am sure as hell, even if im doubting, that i am certain N type. On the other hand seeing do i think or feel is rather hard for me which can be lack of application of this theory in a sense of seeing traits in myself and others. Simply, i sometimes think it's best for others to decide according to how they see me, but i see myself in two different lights: outside and inside. Not like an earth and water differences but certain traits only you know about yourself, and you are in a hidden fashion aware of these.
But I am done having an idea about which type i could be and then just type myself as that type. Cuz i have noticed a certain degree of submissive thinking in me which works in a way of finding more and more traits about a type i choose in me. Which can be fooling myself. Maybe it's not seeing an objective external options and connecting them to myself, maybe it's ever other way round: finding traits and connecting them to this theory. I can see im doing both.
I personally feel like i need directing to find what am i looking at really. What am i searching for? I have always seen this theory as nothing more or nothing less then a certain core of ones personality. What is really in my core and what is build through ages? How am i?
Ofc, i am not trying to answer existential question with this theory but i am trying to go inside of this theory for which i have a lot of hope and faith for.
Why not INFP?
There are many traits of INFPs i can correlate to. But Fi dom doesn't seem like me. I don't put as much as weight on deciding with my feelings. I would say i put equally faith in head and heart. I usually choose what i care for, find also rational explanation for my feelings about it and then go for it. But rational alone or feeling alone do not make decisions for me.
I strive for balance myself. Even if i don't have a balance in my life i have to feel things i do make some kind of a sense but they also need to feel right.
Generally i am very confused about how i feel myself about things, i would say i understand better how am i suppose to feel. This often makes dual in me cuz i am feeling i am not being myself. But i don't see it as wrong since i believe in two sides of everybody and everything that you do is you and it is coming from a very core of your personality and each trait for many different reasons.
Inferior in certain S function?
Another of my doubts. As much as i noticed inferior function rises when stressed. Reading descriptions of inferior sensing functions and regarding the fact they show themselves in stress periods of life, i had a little observation on myself since i was in stress period of my life recently and still am.
Usually description of my stress would seem like this: if stress is about some medical issues i am usually badly paranoid cuz i have troubles listening to my body. Generally my feelings become very extroverted and i seem to show very often mood swings (according to people around me). I have symptoms of smth for example that show nothing but i have a hunch so i get paranoid. Then my mind usually starts to create symptoms on my body - transferring literally. Under stress i also tend to be (and this will be funny and extremely shameful to admit) more sexual then usually...don't notice it very often, its not really some extreme but it seems like it's one of my ways of dealing with stress.
This is all noticed by outside world which often results with me explaining myself and trying not to be boring and then apologizing around. Hence, why i always joke around when talking about a bit of serious to prevent a damage on my relationship with another person. I seem to have problems with negative reactions of my surroundings but i seem to handle reactions well and i can often predict them or in a way manipulate them which usually means not being completely honest.
Other little things is Fi/Fe that bugs me:
I seem to be a bit confused about how i feel myself, i tend to go by how other people feel. This doesn't necessarily means being in tune always, but it means i am very much uncomfortable with myself if i can't follow moods around me. I usually avoid conflicts in a way that i am prepared to tell the truth in someone face and then as soon as i see someone mad, my instincts go: "calm them down!!!" so that ends up with me changing my story to smth nice so i can fix their mood.
I am also a little aware of my feelings, other people see them on me and read them of me more then i do. I mostly can't hold a lot in me cuz i get too stressed about it, but i don't like to be a burden to others. But i know how to say it to be amusing at the same time and serious so it gets on a right way. I am constantly following my gut feelings about things and i do follow my heart and head almost equally but prefer for my decision be a bit more on a heart in a core of them.
As a person i have concentration problems often and i get lost in my head all of the sudden so people have to call me to come back to reality. I get obsessed easily with things and i don't let go until im done investigating everything about it. I was a bit impulsive person as teenager and a bit more aggressive for a girl but i always tend to control it in front of others and show a calm face. To be honest, mostly cuz i think it's bad for people to see you as assertive and it's not fair to anybody to put up with it. This personally brings more harmony in my opinion. I am kinda control person and i often regret and like int he same time when i do loose control over myself.
so that's all i can remember for now, as in type related or i hope it is at least a bit. So you can maybe help me out here. My main doubt is mostly that i do think the certain Si or Se function is my inferior (maybe im doubting the wrong thing but it's just an idea that got in my head while reading more articles about it etc. and exactly when i did find myself in stressful period of my life).
So any help here or comments on my suspicions would be helpful thank you a lot and sry for being pain in the a**