maybe this questionnaire could help a bit (though it's designed more for enneagram and I am about 85% sure of Sp/Sx at this point)
1. What would you say to a 5-year-old child if he or she asked you what the purpose of life is?
life is about getting what you want, doing what you want, being who you want and expressing who you are
2. What type of advice would you give that same child on how to survive in this world?
get good at something that makes you a lot of money. then you'll have enough money to survive and be safe and plenty left over to do whatever the hell you want with.
3. If you were told you only had one year to live from today, and it was 100% guaranteed that you would die exactly 1 year from now, what would you do in that year? Note: Your health will be fine all the way up to the end.
take out a bunch of loans that I knew I'd never be able to pay back in less than a year and use the money to get a bunch of nice stuff, go on a few kick ass vacations and do a bunch of crazy stuff
4. Why aren't you doing this now?
cuz I'd have to pay those loans back
5. What are your defense mechanisms? i.e. When you start to feel uncomfortable or anxious about a situation, what do you generally start to do?
- shelling up, becoming an uptight bitch and trying desperately to prevent my emotions from leaking out of the narrow crevices of my venir of strength, formality and detachment
- when I need someone to comfort me, rather than ask them to, I ask people what is wrong with their lives, what they're upset about etc and then offer to comfort them instead. this is kind of a cop out because I am able to experience comfort vicariously through the other person without revealing any of my own problems
- escapism "I don't have to deal with that, it'll go away on it's own"(...puh-lease)
- domineering and territorial when I feel I am being restricted. I try to protect what little control I have and act aggressively if any of it is threatened
6. What does your heart feel like it needs and wants? What does your head say it needs and wants? What does your body say it needs and wants?
head: money, safety, predictability, stimulation, comfort
heart: fulfillment, adventure, excitement, drama, strong bonds/intimate relationships, extravagance
gut: power, stability, magnanimity, the ability to protect those I care about, control, influence (over what I think is important), to be left the fuck alone
7. What condition is your heart in right now? What condition is your mind in right now? What condition is your body in right now?
heart: beginning to open up. at the moment, it's kinda like a starving dog at a buffet after being repressed for so long, but it's starting to settle down a bit
head: fine for the most part, but a little confused.
gut: not so great. angry and frustrated, pushing for more control, space and territory.
8. What are your predominant faults?
- delaying gratification
- focus, discipline, hard work
- being a coward and using escapism to run from my problems
- denying my feelings and basic psychological needs. trying to prop myself up with this image of "I am strong, independent, I don't need people...EVER" when in reality, I do (I still hate to admit this. I want complete independence, but it's seeming more and more difficult to attain)
- I'm a hyper critical bitch at times, especially under stress. I can be vindictive, stubborn as a mule and refuse to listen to reason when my expectations aren't met.
- as mentioned above, I can be domineering and territorial if I don't feel like my boundaries are being respected.
- I am a total attention whore when I get the chance to be, though I often disguise it well
- I neither forgive nor forget easily
9. Think of a time when you felt at ease and connected to yourself and others. What did you think about yourself, others, and the entire world during this time?
I felt like I was finally able to open up. I could be natural warm, cuddly, affectionate self without having to worry about others taking advantage of my kindness.
10. Think of a time when you felt anxious and disconnected from yourself and others. What did you think about yourself, others, and the entire world during this time?
cold, detached, full of indignation and spite, perpetually disgusted, angry, demanding, highly misanthropic
11. What is an addiction or urge that seems to drive you almost as if you’re not in control? Almost like an alien force that drives or pushes you down.
- intense music
12. What do you need in your life to face your fears?
my beliefs and convictions give me the strength to face my fears. as long as I am able to draw from these, bring it bitch! I'll face anything!