Zhuli Lily Askar
New member
- Joined
- May 24, 2012
- Messages
- 184
Help me find my enneagram. These are the right questions right?
I seem to be out of stress mode more now where I can answer these questions more accurately than before at least. I don’t think I’ve said as much as I could here but I did my best for now, these were very hard for me to answer. I might be able to add some more when discussing because it usually brings ideas into my head but for now that’s my best…
1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
Discovery! Understand the relationships and connections between every existing element of the world. Why things are the way they are (and were) and discovering the reasons and details on why the world is constantly changing and what influences the speed that this happens. I look for experiences that are different from what you would normally find in life today because they are priceless, the point is that they have something unique to offer. If you miss out you might lose a valuable opportunity. It’s very important that I seek out what lies beneath where people live their everyday lives and have the courage to do so.
2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
I want to explore nice places that people don’t seem to take advantage of! I want to have seen a lot in comparison to most people because the average person doesn’t meet my standard regarding this type of thing. I’m looking for at time where I won’t be held or tied back by anything and am free do whatever I want. I hope to find out what my passion is in life and become skillful at it so that I will always have something to turn back and do as a sort of sanctuary. I hope to meet people that I can truly trust, the one’s that I can share my opinions and will give me great ideas that show that they understand me. People are like me but think in a different style? I’m not exactly sure how to explain but I think this might be a difficult task to accomplish.
3 What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
I want to avoid being in a state that will prevent me from accomplishing my goals. I don’t want to be easy to manipulate and don’t want to be easily hurt so I can speak up when I need to. I don’t want to sacrifice anything for no good reason. Honesty, earnestness, loyalty, cleanliness, creativity, freedom, openness, be careful of your judgements.
4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
I fear getting stepped on without knowing it. I fear being forced into a situation when I won’t have any choice but to hurt someone. I hate not being able to compromise reasonably. I hate it when I try to meet my goals while making the biggest effort to make everything fair and do the best out of the group to meet everybody’s most important needs and everybody doesn’t notice this and turns on me for it. Praise embarrasses me; I just don’t like getting squished. I hate being misunderstood, I have big plans and somebody as the power to stop them and don’t consider my ideas and doesn’t think I can do what I say for no good reason at all. Not being able to fix something that prevents me from doing is also scary. Disorganized thoughts stop me from doing a lot of things including being able to try new things. I can’t have it.
5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
Wannabe: Fast, capable, hope giving, trustworthy, reliable and not-fake, relaxing, different (not necessarily strange),generous, modest, cultured, assertive, opinionated, thoughtful.
I see myself as: developing, anxious, overthinking, jealous, sometimes suspicious, secretive, hope giving, cultured, quiet, shy, nice, respectful, generous, thoughtful, unique.
6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
I feel my best when I’m seeing great possibilities and everything seems to be working out. When people cooperate with me and hear me out just like I’ll gladly serve them as well. I’m at my best when I’m enjoying some aspect of life such as being in the water or drawing in some nice grassland on a hill. I’m feel good when I’m in a safe spot, when I’m not being my own worst enemy.
7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
a) Anger: I’m not one to get very angry much and hate it when people do no matter what. They give off a release by throwing what is known as a temper X) It really just doesn’t do anything. I get annoyed often and act snappish when I’m “angry†I feel like everybody is unreasonable and just wants to sit there and not move on and act. Why can’t we explain ourselves and come to an understanding so it the problem never occurs again and everybody can be comfortable.
When I’m “angry†I feel like I’ve been treated unfairly and need a lot of reassurance before I begin to speak to anyone. When I’m angry I give off very sarcastic remarks and even laugh. I never show my anger, I hold it in and that makes it worse. But none of this happens often.
b) Shame: I rarely feel ashamed because I’m a complete over thinker. I wouldn’t let myself get into that situation. When I do get into that situation it’s usually because I couldn’t do a good job and feel like there’s something that I might have been able to do to better. I usually just try to brush it off and it usually works because people are busy.
Anxiety eats me alive. I can’t think or do ANYTHING my brain can’t function when I’m under pressure I do things 10x worse than I typically do. I can’t eat because I’ll be thinking about my problems, I definitely can’t sleep. I’m indulgent with myself instead. I seek pleasurable activities as a retreat of my instead of getting any priorities done even if I will regret it because I feel the world is out go get me when I’m in that situation.
8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
a) Similarly to anxiety I cannot handle high levels of stress. I have a high capacity for such things compared to the average person I’ve met but once you reach my limit I cannot take it. This possibly partially because I cannot just “forget it†and not do it. It stays on my mind as something I must do. But stress leaves me crippled in some situations and so I don’t do it and I feel horrible. In a sense its shame but it’s more that I feel like I’m not good at anything at all. All the negativity comes back and I know it’s nonexistent but I can’t handle it when I’m in the moment.
b) Unexpected change is not necessarily bad unless it stops me from getting all my plans done, I can compromise and do things in a different order. That doesn’t matter to me, I’m patient and I’m not picky. But if I’m under stress and there is an unexpected change I get a shock because I think that no matter what everything is going to get messed up because of one change that caused a sequential “mission failedâ€.
It’s rare that I was really anticipating something I wanted badly and I didn’t get the excitement I wanted.
c) I really don’t mind conflict as long as everyone is on equal ground but if often isn’t so because I don’t have the best social skills in the world. I love having a debate. I don’t understand why some people get bothered by conflict, just because you don’t have equal views it doesn’t mean anyone wants to harm you. And if they look down on you shouldn’t care because it doesn’t make sense. Everyone has different views and if we didn’t the world wouldn’t function. They also fail to realize that having the same view as somebody else doesn’t mean anything at all. It doesn’t mean they actually care about you.
Conflict only scares me when again, it relates to stress and anxiety. When I’ve committed myself to a job and somebody with more power than me stands in the way I am terribly frightened of being rejected. This of course has a connection with the person themselves, if I’ve come to respect them I’m afraid of rejection because 1) they might create more stress and 2) More anxiety will occur because I’ll will ponder forever why they did this to me. My thoughts will not be rational during the conversation
9 Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power.
I don’t really get this question but….
I don’t understand people’s need to rule others. I don’t understand power. They want this power because it means that nothing can stand in the way, but the things is if nobody would seek power than nobody would stand in your way anyways. I just think there is a way to avoid such things and the people who have it should avoid using their authority in its unique way. I know what it feels like to be suppressed by it, suffocating my ability to speak because I used to be like this. When you have something to lose, you’re afraid of those with power.
People who have authority have it because they have had experience, etc instead of dominating over others with a title why don’t you simply share your knowledge and leave them to their own devices. This way when people have problems they will come back, problem solved.
10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
It’s a huge system that is built and adapts over time based on various influences. I don’t think I know enough about this to make a judgement though. I need more time.
For now however, I see humanity as something that is decaying over time overall, much is being destroyed as a result of introductions to new things such as advanced technology. I think much could be done to stop this but this hasn’t caught the attention of many and that is why humanity is faltering.
In the midst of this however, more room is left the explore what has been left behind by most to explore throughout one’s life.
Btw, the title was to draw attention. xD
I seem to be out of stress mode more now where I can answer these questions more accurately than before at least. I don’t think I’ve said as much as I could here but I did my best for now, these were very hard for me to answer. I might be able to add some more when discussing because it usually brings ideas into my head but for now that’s my best…
1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
Discovery! Understand the relationships and connections between every existing element of the world. Why things are the way they are (and were) and discovering the reasons and details on why the world is constantly changing and what influences the speed that this happens. I look for experiences that are different from what you would normally find in life today because they are priceless, the point is that they have something unique to offer. If you miss out you might lose a valuable opportunity. It’s very important that I seek out what lies beneath where people live their everyday lives and have the courage to do so.
2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
I want to explore nice places that people don’t seem to take advantage of! I want to have seen a lot in comparison to most people because the average person doesn’t meet my standard regarding this type of thing. I’m looking for at time where I won’t be held or tied back by anything and am free do whatever I want. I hope to find out what my passion is in life and become skillful at it so that I will always have something to turn back and do as a sort of sanctuary. I hope to meet people that I can truly trust, the one’s that I can share my opinions and will give me great ideas that show that they understand me. People are like me but think in a different style? I’m not exactly sure how to explain but I think this might be a difficult task to accomplish.
3 What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
I want to avoid being in a state that will prevent me from accomplishing my goals. I don’t want to be easy to manipulate and don’t want to be easily hurt so I can speak up when I need to. I don’t want to sacrifice anything for no good reason. Honesty, earnestness, loyalty, cleanliness, creativity, freedom, openness, be careful of your judgements.
4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
I fear getting stepped on without knowing it. I fear being forced into a situation when I won’t have any choice but to hurt someone. I hate not being able to compromise reasonably. I hate it when I try to meet my goals while making the biggest effort to make everything fair and do the best out of the group to meet everybody’s most important needs and everybody doesn’t notice this and turns on me for it. Praise embarrasses me; I just don’t like getting squished. I hate being misunderstood, I have big plans and somebody as the power to stop them and don’t consider my ideas and doesn’t think I can do what I say for no good reason at all. Not being able to fix something that prevents me from doing is also scary. Disorganized thoughts stop me from doing a lot of things including being able to try new things. I can’t have it.
5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
Wannabe: Fast, capable, hope giving, trustworthy, reliable and not-fake, relaxing, different (not necessarily strange),generous, modest, cultured, assertive, opinionated, thoughtful.
I see myself as: developing, anxious, overthinking, jealous, sometimes suspicious, secretive, hope giving, cultured, quiet, shy, nice, respectful, generous, thoughtful, unique.
6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
I feel my best when I’m seeing great possibilities and everything seems to be working out. When people cooperate with me and hear me out just like I’ll gladly serve them as well. I’m at my best when I’m enjoying some aspect of life such as being in the water or drawing in some nice grassland on a hill. I’m feel good when I’m in a safe spot, when I’m not being my own worst enemy.
7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
a) Anger: I’m not one to get very angry much and hate it when people do no matter what. They give off a release by throwing what is known as a temper X) It really just doesn’t do anything. I get annoyed often and act snappish when I’m “angry†I feel like everybody is unreasonable and just wants to sit there and not move on and act. Why can’t we explain ourselves and come to an understanding so it the problem never occurs again and everybody can be comfortable.
When I’m “angry†I feel like I’ve been treated unfairly and need a lot of reassurance before I begin to speak to anyone. When I’m angry I give off very sarcastic remarks and even laugh. I never show my anger, I hold it in and that makes it worse. But none of this happens often.
b) Shame: I rarely feel ashamed because I’m a complete over thinker. I wouldn’t let myself get into that situation. When I do get into that situation it’s usually because I couldn’t do a good job and feel like there’s something that I might have been able to do to better. I usually just try to brush it off and it usually works because people are busy.
Anxiety eats me alive. I can’t think or do ANYTHING my brain can’t function when I’m under pressure I do things 10x worse than I typically do. I can’t eat because I’ll be thinking about my problems, I definitely can’t sleep. I’m indulgent with myself instead. I seek pleasurable activities as a retreat of my instead of getting any priorities done even if I will regret it because I feel the world is out go get me when I’m in that situation.
8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
a) Similarly to anxiety I cannot handle high levels of stress. I have a high capacity for such things compared to the average person I’ve met but once you reach my limit I cannot take it. This possibly partially because I cannot just “forget it†and not do it. It stays on my mind as something I must do. But stress leaves me crippled in some situations and so I don’t do it and I feel horrible. In a sense its shame but it’s more that I feel like I’m not good at anything at all. All the negativity comes back and I know it’s nonexistent but I can’t handle it when I’m in the moment.
b) Unexpected change is not necessarily bad unless it stops me from getting all my plans done, I can compromise and do things in a different order. That doesn’t matter to me, I’m patient and I’m not picky. But if I’m under stress and there is an unexpected change I get a shock because I think that no matter what everything is going to get messed up because of one change that caused a sequential “mission failedâ€.
It’s rare that I was really anticipating something I wanted badly and I didn’t get the excitement I wanted.
c) I really don’t mind conflict as long as everyone is on equal ground but if often isn’t so because I don’t have the best social skills in the world. I love having a debate. I don’t understand why some people get bothered by conflict, just because you don’t have equal views it doesn’t mean anyone wants to harm you. And if they look down on you shouldn’t care because it doesn’t make sense. Everyone has different views and if we didn’t the world wouldn’t function. They also fail to realize that having the same view as somebody else doesn’t mean anything at all. It doesn’t mean they actually care about you.
Conflict only scares me when again, it relates to stress and anxiety. When I’ve committed myself to a job and somebody with more power than me stands in the way I am terribly frightened of being rejected. This of course has a connection with the person themselves, if I’ve come to respect them I’m afraid of rejection because 1) they might create more stress and 2) More anxiety will occur because I’ll will ponder forever why they did this to me. My thoughts will not be rational during the conversation
9 Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power.
I don’t really get this question but….
I don’t understand people’s need to rule others. I don’t understand power. They want this power because it means that nothing can stand in the way, but the things is if nobody would seek power than nobody would stand in your way anyways. I just think there is a way to avoid such things and the people who have it should avoid using their authority in its unique way. I know what it feels like to be suppressed by it, suffocating my ability to speak because I used to be like this. When you have something to lose, you’re afraid of those with power.
People who have authority have it because they have had experience, etc instead of dominating over others with a title why don’t you simply share your knowledge and leave them to their own devices. This way when people have problems they will come back, problem solved.
10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
It’s a huge system that is built and adapts over time based on various influences. I don’t think I know enough about this to make a judgement though. I need more time.
For now however, I see humanity as something that is decaying over time overall, much is being destroyed as a result of introductions to new things such as advanced technology. I think much could be done to stop this but this hasn’t caught the attention of many and that is why humanity is faltering.
In the midst of this however, more room is left the explore what has been left behind by most to explore throughout one’s life.
Btw, the title was to draw attention. xD
