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GUYS, I need help typing my manfriend!

Hotherym

New member
Joined
Dec 7, 2007
Messages
83
MBTI Type
INFU
Desperate times call for desperate measures.

My [young adult] manfriend and I have been struggling together for a year with issues, serious and not. The most serious issue is that he was neglected and even mildly verbally abused as a child, which has caused him to become codependent and clingy. But I know he has normal cognitive functions below the superficial mess that's been created over time, however distorted they may be. My INFJ self is dying to find out what they are so we can work with them to help him build a good mental foundation of his own.

What I've been trying to do is dissect his mind enough to know what the resulting issues are, what are his normal functions, and even more importantly, whether the functions have caused him to react the way he has.

Care to take on a challenge?

First off, let me list some of his attributes that I find most relevant to his functions, keeping in mind these are always going to be muddied by his life of isolation and subsequent moderate codependent behaviour.

--He's an introvert
--He's extremely anxious, depersonalizes often, and becomes 'detached' or/and overwhelmed easily
--He's been extremely timid and shy his whole life
--He used to look at art constantly, forming a loose library of his favourites, as inspiration, on his computer
--Related to that, he's done very skilled art himself
--He's always done well at school, even without trying much at all
--He's always loved to help people, and he'll often dangerously give himself and his attention, even to strangers
--He places himself before anyone else, often to the point of neglecting his own needs
--He's apparently always been very quiet, rigid, and aloof, even as a young child
--He was very bossy as a child -- especially as a young child -- before becoming more insecure later on in life
--Similarly, he'd always try to initiate, or push, his young peers into participating in activities, such as imaginative games, that he'd create
--He seems mostly unable to build an internal value system on his own, and without his mother's guidance growing up, has started taking values from others, including tastes in music
--He's often painfully romantic, gushing over romantic ideals and situations
--He's DROWNING IN FANTASY, always daydreaming and going off on tangents of imagination which he rarely shares
--He never asks for help-it's a shock when he does
--His brain, he says, is constantly on the go -- reflecting, cycling through thoughts and feelings about other people, such as their background and life story
--The above often can lead to neuroses; obsessive-compulsive thoughts and so-on
--He buries emotions immediately, sometimes to have them explode when he's under stress
--Sexually, he's held back, and often tends to be surprisingly more feminine than masculine, considering his rampant hairiness and heterosexuality--he loves foreplay
--He's not much of a thinker; he can try, but he's often clouded by emotions

These relatively nondescript tidbits aside, I've personally thought I've seen a lot of Fe in him, Si somewhat, but when it comes down to it, I just can't tell most of the time. He thinks he's INFP. I kept arguing he's ISFJ, at least in his actions. I'd like to get to the bottom of it so he can move on knowing what he has.

One big problem, however, is that he doesn't want to be ISFJ. Let me rephrase that a bit: he empatically does not want to be ISFJ. He knows that, for a mate, I don't do well with SJs of any kind, and I worry his SJ tendencies -- superficial or otherwise -- make him more codependent (if you look at the description of an ISFJ, it actually appears to be one of a codependent) and thus eager to please me in that arena. I'm not sure if that's true, though.

CONUNDRUM.

Codependency can strike ANYONE AT ANY TIME. Well, that's partly true. Mostly, it's common with anyone who's grown up the way he has, so it's incredibly difficult to know if his personality functions have had anything to do with how he's coped. His mix at this point is damn near 50/50 INFP/ISFJ, best I can tell. To me, that creates a whole lot of questions; are ISFJ/ISXJs actually the result of a codependent lifestyle? Are INFPs more susceptible to the effects of certain parental neglect?

I'd love any and all input. Any questions for clarification would be awesome.
 

elfinchilde

a white iris
Joined
Jan 26, 2008
Messages
1,465
MBTI Type
type
remember that under stress, the shadow persona comes out. so you may be reading a muddle of types that is not him when he is healthy. You may like to check out the descriptions of the types under stress (as opposed to healthy types) and see which is closest to him.

as an aside, don't mistake type for the individual person. when one needs help, the worst thing others can do is to typecast and pigeonhole them.

Fe does seem strong to me tho. alt, it may be insecurity in an unhealthy individual at that point in time.

the N also seems strong, from what you say.
 

Hotherym

New member
Joined
Dec 7, 2007
Messages
83
MBTI Type
INFU
Thanks! And yes, let it be known, I have actually deliberated on 'typing' him until now. I feel it would be helpful for him to think about how he functions in a healthy way, rather than focusing on how, as he's often put it, 'f**ked up he is'.

If he's got Fe and strong N, I start wondering if he's INFJ. The Fe is all that stands out to me really strongly, though his tendency to waffle suggests Ne. :D THAT CAN'T WORK.
 

tovlo

New member
Joined
May 2, 2007
Messages
248
MBTI Type
INFJ
If he thinks he's INFP, then perhaps he is?
 

Carebear

will make your day
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
1,449
MBTI Type
INFP
I agree with tovlo. If you strip away all the anxiety related stuff, you end up with a person ticking very much like I do and several other male INFPs I know of. There does indeed seem to be some Fe in what you describe, but most of it is connected to the anxiety. There is however a much stronger theme of Fi there and even Fi/Ne specifically.

http://www.personalitypage.com/INFP_per.html
Most of the weaker characteristics that are found in INFPs are due to their dominant Feeling function overshadowing the rest of their personality. When the dominant function of Introverted Feeling overshadows everything else, the INFP can't use Extraverted iNtuition to take in information in a truly objective fashion. In such cases, an INFP may show some or all of the following weaknesses in varying degrees:

* May be extremely sensitive to any kind of criticism
* May perceive criticism where none was intended
* May have skewed or unrealistic ideas about reality
* May be unable to acknowledge or hear anything that goes against their personal ideas and opinions
* May blame their problems on other people, seeing themselves as victims who are treated unfairly
* May have great anger, and show this anger with rash outpourings of bad temper
* May be unaware of appropriate social behavior
* May be oblivious to their personal appearance, or to appropriate dress
* May come across as eccentric, or perhaps even generally strange to others, without being aware of it
* May be unable to see or understand anyone else's point of view
* May value their own opinions and feelings far above others
* May be unaware of how their behavior affects others
* May be oblivious to other people's need
* May feel overwhelmed with tension and stress when someone expresses disagreement with the INFP, or disapproval of the INFP
* May develop strong judgments that are difficult to unseed against people who they perceive have been oppressive or suppressive to them
* Under great stress, may obsess about details that are unimportant to the big picture of things
* Under stress, may obsessively brood over a problem repeatedly
* May have unreasonable expectations of others
* May have difficulty maintaining close relationships, due to unreasonable expectations
 

alcea rosea

New member
Joined
Nov 11, 2007
Messages
3,658
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
He sounds I N F to me and more Fi than Fe so I would say INFP too.
 
Last edited:

arcticangel02

To the top of the world
Joined
Oct 5, 2007
Messages
892
MBTI Type
eNFP
--He's an introvert
--He's extremely anxious, depersonalizes often, and becomes 'detached' or/and overwhelmed easily
--He's been extremely timid and shy his whole life
--He used to look at art constantly, forming a loose library of his favourites, as inspiration, on his computer
--Related to that, he's done very skilled art himself
--He's always done well at school, even without trying much at all
--He's always loved to help people, and he'll often dangerously give himself and his attention, even to strangers
--He places himself before anyone else, often to the point of neglecting his own needs
--He's apparently always been very quiet, rigid, and aloof, even as a young child
--He was very bossy as a child -- especially as a young child -- before becoming more insecure later on in life
--Similarly, he'd always try to initiate, or push, his young peers into participating in activities, such as imaginative games, that he'd create
--He seems mostly unable to build an internal value system on his own, and without his mother's guidance growing up, has started taking values from others, including tastes in music
--He's often painfully romantic, gushing over romantic ideals and situations
--He's DROWNING IN FANTASY, always daydreaming and going off on tangents of imagination which he rarely shares
--He never asks for help-it's a shock when he does
--His brain, he says, is constantly on the go -- reflecting, cycling through thoughts and feelings about other people, such as their background and life story
--The above often can lead to neuroses; obsessive-compulsive thoughts and so-on
--He buries emotions immediately, sometimes to have them explode when he's under stress
--Sexually, he's held back, and often tends to be surprisingly more feminine than masculine, considering his rampant hairiness and heterosexuality--he loves foreplay
--He's not much of a thinker; he can try, but he's often clouded by emotions

Those bolded strike me as quite strongly NFP, and since you've indicated he's very much an introvert, then INFP.

Are INFPs more susceptible to the effects of certain parental neglect?

INFPs are quite sensitive to external negative criticism - and if he's been neglected/mildly abused, I think it would have a deeper impact on an INFP than some other types.

You seem a little resistant against typing him INFP, though, despite his arguments - why is that? Anything you're spotting in him that might not come through so clearly here?

You said you see Si and Fe in him.... INFPs are Fi Ne Si Te, so you could quite easily be seeing his tertiary function coming out.

So then that leaves Fe.

A combination of Ne and Fi (in ENFPs) often give off the impression of Fe, although it is more momentary than true Fe. I'm not sure if the INFP gives off a similar impression (seeing as they're using the same two functions), though.

Fi, with it's strong internal compass, is often driven to help people, if that's what he values - are these strangers that he gives dangerously to obviously disadvantaged, or can it be just anyone?

Yeah, I don't know if I'm going in circles or over what you've already thought of, but hopefully that might help a little?
 

Ishida

New member
Joined
May 5, 2008
Messages
132
MBTI Type
INTJ
My twin brother is INFP, and well, they act quite similar... so I'll throw in my vote for INFP as well.
 

Jogi

New member
Joined
Dec 27, 2007
Messages
15
MBTI Type
INFP
This is me by the way. Har har.

Fi, with it's strong internal compass, is often driven to help people, if that's what he values - are these strangers that he gives dangerously to obviously disadvantaged, or can it be just anyone?

I tend to be weak to homeless people and such asking for money, and people who are in a tight spot asking for things. I generally wouldn't give in, but it would be really tough, and I found myself constantly apologizing when people asked for money. I've gotten stronger with that, though.

I also tend to be a magnet for weird people. I think I come across as either easy to take advantage of, or just someone who pays attention to them, because it's not always asking for money. I seem to constantly have homeless people and crazies talking (or yelling) with me and hanging around. I think it's because most people tend to totally ignore them while I give them some kind of attention and caring.

I personally think I match the description of INFPs, and I relate very well to the way their functions are described. I have a tough time really understanding how I work without influence, but best I can tell I do generally take things in with intuition and process them with internal feelings. What makes me co-dependent is that I often listen to adopted values of other people above my own feelings.

I do definitely 'get' ISFJ though, especially with the way I become more rigid and tend to adopt other's values so readily and concretely. I just feel like I do that because of my insecurities and distrust with myself as opposed to a natural way of functioning.
 

Hotherym

New member
Joined
Dec 7, 2007
Messages
83
MBTI Type
INFU
Hahah, thanks, guys. I love the input. Hopefully he'll stop by and put in his two cents soon--he's been very busy.

Oh, never mind, he beat me to it.

You seem a little resistant against typing him INFP, though, despite his arguments - why is that? Anything you're spotting in him that might not come through so clearly here?

BECAUSE I HATE INFP'S! No, really, I'm just hesitant to type him either way, so I didn't want him falling on something with conviction without first knowing. I provided argument against it so he'd consider in more depth how he functions in all areas.

My mom was never typed and is now deceased, but I'm convinced she was an INFP. They share a lot in common, and she, too, had been neglected and abused (albeit more seriously). She had hardcore Fi and lots of Ne, whatever the case.

I wanted to add that he has a hard time connecting to people, too. I once thought he was suffering from schizoidism, but he's not like that anymore. I've actually thought he was INTP in the past because of his cold detachment from emotions, but now he's an 'emotional fruitcake,' as I like to say. :D He's also quite 'in tune' with people's emotions, though he doesn't always know how to react to them.

Damn it. WHY DO BRAINS BE COMPLEX?

And, man, I should have put the thread in here to start with. I just figured it was by an INFJ for a probably INFP--DON'T HIT ME TOO HARD, GUYS.

My twin brother is INFP, and well, they act quite similar... so I'll throw in my vote for INFP as well.

I laughed. INTJ with INFP twin brother. My god, that's like some classic 'evil twin' scenario in the making, somehow; the mastermind villainous INTJ (I should know, my dad was typical) and his humanitarian do-gooder INFP twin brother.

I also tend to be a magnet for weird people. I think I come across as either easy to take advantage of, or just someone who pays attention to them, because it's not always asking for money. I seem to constantly have homeless people and crazies talking (or yelling) with me and hanging around. I think it's because most people tend to totally ignore them while I give them some kind of attention and caring.

I'm completely daft--I have no idea why I just remembered this so clearly after all this time: my mom used to attract crazies, too. Everywhere we lived, it got to the point that all the disabled, disadvantaged and generally disheveled types would learn that my mom was a very giving person. It got to the point where she'd have to hide when they came around.

God, the stories. I'd repressed them all.

Is that common with INFPs (or NFs in general)? For some reason I can't quite see even the most giving ISFJs having to deal with that. It strikes me as an NF problem. My friend's a mildly and ignorantly INFJ has an extremely similar problem. I'll have to tell her about this. :D
 

heart

heart on fire
Joined
May 19, 2007
Messages
8,456
--He buries emotions immediately, sometimes to have them explode when he's under stress

I don't think this is INFP trait necessarily. I don't tend to explode under stress, I get dictatorial. Here it is the INFJ who blows under stress.
 

Hotherym

New member
Joined
Dec 7, 2007
Messages
83
MBTI Type
INFU
Yeah, but after burying emotions? I explode under stress, which is every five minutes. The other two INFJs I know are like that, too. :D
 

heart

heart on fire
Joined
May 19, 2007
Messages
8,456
Yeah, but after burying emotions? I explode under stress, which is every five minutes. The other two INFJs I know are like that, too. :D

Oh there is the constant surface level bitching and venting, that's nonstop but that's just hot air. I am talking about the deeper content, the 9.0 on the ricter scale. :D
 

Hotherym

New member
Joined
Dec 7, 2007
Messages
83
MBTI Type
INFU
My god. I've been there. It isn't pretty and it leaves a trail of blood.

Oh there is the constant surface level bitching and venting, that's nonstop but that's just hot air. I am talking about the deeper content, the 9.0 on the ricter scale.

By that logic, you'd definitely think it'd work like volcanic forces; continuous venting allows the pressure to decrease. but if you listen closely to those harmonic tremors, they speak of imminent pyroclastic rage.

Conclusion: INFJs may have less silica-rich emotions.
 

LunarMoon

New member
Joined
Oct 19, 2007
Messages
309
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
3
He seems to be a somewhat unhealthy INFJ. Due to your statement on how exceptionally eager he was at sharing his ideas with his peers (to the apparent point of bossiness) I first suspected that he was a socially anxious ENFJ, but your later statement on how he's always carried introverted tendencies makes me assume that he's a natural introvert rather than a shy extravert. Adult ENxx will often act far more introverted than their sensing counterparts because their presence was often shunned at a young age; your friend seems to carry the typical ENxJ qualities that would lead to that. His inabillity to form an internal value system sounds counter-evident of Fi so it'd be strange for him to be an INFP. That is, if I understand correctly, that you're referring to an internal moral value sytem as well when making this statement:

He seems mostly unable to build an internal value system on his own, and without his mother's guidance growing up, has started taking values from others, including tastes in music

Fi on the other hand is geared towards establishing an internal value system, both moral and otherwise:
Introverted Feeling
 
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