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  1. #1
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    Default Cannot tell if my boyfriend is an ENTJ or ESTJ.

    Alright, so my boyfriend took a free test online (the HumanMetrics one), ended up with ENTJ. But I've been skeptical as to whether he's really an intuitive, Ni-utilizing type. I'll post as much info as I can that would be helpful for analysis.

    So, to start off... In many ways, my boyfriend will understand what I'm trying to say, but he will completely misunderstand me in other ways. There is a slight difference when I compare our conversations to those with my INTJ friend, who more easily picks up on the meaning of what I'm trying to put into words, even if I don't articulate it well. My boyfriend requires better explanation from me when I'm trying to express an abstract thought, as he will often take it the wrong way. This isn't to say that he cannot UNDERSTAND an abstract thought - he is quick to learn new things in general, but cannot completely read my mind and connect the dots when I'm attempting to articulate something that's difficult to explain. This is a more recent example: I was trying to explain to him why a certain instrumental song was so touching to me. It had no lyrics, but (in my opinion) you could glean the emotional message from the music itself. He did not understand how I could KNOW what the actual meaning of the song was, because there were no lyrics to describe it. It was something that required a certain level of interpretation. The meaning felt blatantly obvious to me when I heard the song, but he didn't want to just ASSUME what the true message of the song was, because you cannot empirically prove that an interpretation is correct. Now, this was something that surprised me about him, because he listens to instrumental music quite a bit (mostly flashy, neoclassical/power metal shredding. He likes it because it's powerful and fast and explosive, which he feels is fitting for his struggles. He often compares real-life obstacles with epic battles to be conquered :P).

    Now, it's also hard to pinpoint just how INTROSPECTIVE my boyfriend is. He is not (entirely) self-oblivious and he can answer questions about himself fairly well. If something's wrong, he will talk about it with me. He has no problem telling me he loves me; even so, he is not in touch with his emotions by any means (I'm the only person he will show his vulnerability around, but usually only if something very stressful is going on in his life). He CAN be romantic, but he really has to make an effort at it. He takes pride in his actions, though he rarely considers how those actions may affect those around him. He has never been one to care what others think of him. If he finds something about himself that he dislikes and/or causes problems (which is a bit rare, as he's a somewhat proud person), he will work to change it.

    He often learns things the hard way; I don't think he naturally looks before he leaps. If he changes something about himself, it's usually because he made a big mistake that forced him to realize the consequences of his actions. For one example, he's a former World of Warcraft addict who spent 5 years constantly playing. He finally realized that he wasn't actually having fun anymore, and since then, he hasn't touched an MMORPG. He's reluctant to try another one, because he's afraid he'll become addicted again and waste more of his life away. Today he looks upon MMORPGs and its fans with a level of contempt.

    He does not see much inherent value in tradition. It deeply annoys him when people stick to methods that are outdated and/or inefficient, and moreso when they are closed-minded about learning new things. For example, he hates it when old people say stuff like "When I was your age, we didn't have this and that" and frown on progressive technology. He has expressed that he never wants to stop learning, even when he gets old and comfortable. But although he isn't big on the concept of tradition, he DOES have a strong set of moral values. He holds this standard to both himself and others.

    Despite his enjoyment of learning, I would not exactly call him the creative type, or innovative. This isn't to say that he is unable to think outside the box - he can if the situation requires it, but he isn't naturally bursting with new ideas or possibilities.

    He's definitely an assertive and take-charge kind of guy. He does not tolerate bullshit. He's honest, a fast learner, and highly well-spoken. He's also extremely quick on his feet and a VERY good arguer. He's a huge jokester as well, and can be loud and boisterous and teasing.

    I heard that ESTJs value efficiency, whereas ENTJs value mastery. I asked my boyfriend if he's more likely to do things in the most efficient way, or work extra to do them the "right" way; he said that he'd do it the efficient way if he could, but will not neglect the need to do something perfectly if the situation demands it. He seems to value both depending on the situation.

    He's really good at explaining things to people like they're five. He's very articulate and for this reason, he has considered becoming a teacher in the future.

    Now, here is a huge thing to consider... I had a long talk with him about the attributes of Ni and Si, trying to see which one he leaned more towards. He is really not interested in personality types, but after learning the general differences, he said that he couldn't decide which one he practiced more. He feels that they are both important, and that people shouldn't just have ONE and leave out the other. And I feel like he really incorporates both into his thinking. While he's a huge demander of empirical evidence and is reluctant to make assumptions, he also doesn't ignore the concept of meaning and the big picture. He typically lives in the present, not dwelling on future problems until they actually arise; however, he still has the ability to plan long-term if he feels that it's needed. On one hand, he sees Ni dominants as unable to prove their interpretations and somewhat irrational; on the other hand, he sees Si dominants as shallow and a bit dense. For me, this is the main reason why it's so hard to pin down his type.

    So, now I'm wondering if it's the tertiary functions that I should look into, but I'm not sure how significant of a role they play in this analysis. Any thoughts on this would be appreciated.

    As for other information that may or may not be helpful... His main interests include gaming (his major is game development, it's his passion), anime, some sciences, stand-up comedy, computers and technology. In terms of appearance, he does not care about fashion in the least. HOWEVER, he really prefers to keep his hair long, because he likes the look of it more and feels that it separates him from others.
    Last edited by Valkyrian; 05-07-2012 at 05:43 PM.

  2. #2
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    If he's an ExTJ his firm morality and being in touch with his feelings puzzles me, unless he's middle aged (or at least approaching middle age).

    I know an ISTJ who thinks his friends who got married and had kids and got fat straight out of school are fucking retards. He makes fun of his neighbor's poor spelling, and his ESTJ ex's conventionality about planning her "perfect wedding" even whilst pushing her kid off on others. He said what vexed him most about the idea of marriage was the boredom of being forced into a situation, like picking out dishwashers and dryers, that kind of shit. He also loves kids but doesn't want them.

    My ESFJ ex is socially liberal, and loves progressive film and music.

    SJ =/= "just like grandpappy."

    You have to figure out if he values Si or Ni. Does he value a lot of consistency and routine and order in his life?

  3. #3
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    I'll simplify it for my own joy.

    ENTJ: I'm the biggest fish in this pond fo sho.
    ESTJ: Maby it's time to flush ol' goldie down the toilet.

  4. #4
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    If he's an ExTJ his firm morality and being in touch with his feelings puzzles me, unless he's middle aged (or at least approaching middle age).

    I know an ISTJ who thinks his friends who got married and had kids and got fat straight out of school are fucking retards. He makes fun of his neighbor's poor spelling, and his ESTJ ex's conventionality about planning her "perfect wedding" even whilst pushing her kid off on others. He said what vexed him most about the idea of marriage was the boredom of being forced into a situation, like picking out dishwashers and dryers, that kind of shit. He also loves kids but doesn't want them.

    My ESFJ ex is socially liberal, and loves progressive film and music.

    SJ =/= "just like grandpappy."

    You have to figure out if he values Si or Ni. Does he value a lot of consistency and routine and order in his life?
    maybe your ISTJ friend was enneagram 7
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  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    maybe your ISTJ friend was enneagram 7
    No he's a 9w1 sx/so.



    Quote Originally Posted by Within View Post
    I'll simplify it for my own joy.

    ENTJ: I'm the biggest fish in this pond fo sho.
    ESTJ: Maby it's time to flush ol' goldie down the toilet.

    Hahahahaha!

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    If he's an ExTJ his firm morality and being in touch with his feelings puzzles me, unless he's middle aged (or at least approaching middle age).

    I know an ISTJ who thinks his friends who got married and had kids and got fat straight out of school are fucking retards. He makes fun of his neighbor's poor spelling, and his ESTJ ex's conventionality about planning her "perfect wedding" even whilst pushing her kid off on others. He said what vexed him most about the idea of marriage was the boredom of being forced into a situation, like picking out dishwashers and dryers, that kind of shit. He also loves kids but doesn't want them.

    My ESFJ ex is socially liberal, and loves progressive film and music.

    SJ =/= "just like grandpappy."

    You have to figure out if he values Si or Ni. Does he value a lot of consistency and routine and order in his life?
    My boyfriend is 23 years old. I wouldn't go so far as to say he's in touch with his emotions. He doesn't ENJOY expressing himself very much, especially because he feels like a weakling for doing so. However, he is mostly comfortable opening up to me, especially when there's something important going on that's causing him great stress (his mother, for example, has breast cancer. I think it would be unhealthy for him to bottle up his pain and be unable to talk about it to anyone). He never expresses his feelings to anyone else other than his family (and that's still very rare).

    I wouldn't call my boyfriend either liberal OR conservative - he's somewhere in between and has criticisms of both sides. He's also not the type of person who hates the idea of marriage (we are in a committed, long-term relationship and are aiming for marriage after college).

    It's hard to say, but I think he would prefer Ni slightly over Si. He doesn't seem to exhibit Si on an overly noticeable level.

    He HATES it when he's having a problem that's completely out of his control. I don't think he's the type of person who wants EVERY DAY TO BE THE SAME, but he doesn't want complete randomness and chaos, either.

  7. #7
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    Definitely an ENTJ, because of the emphasis on NT topics such as arguing, computers, learning, breaking traditions, and doing things in innovative new ways. Might not be that introspective though because of the extraverted part and focus on controlling the environment rather than INxx types who are highly aware of internal states of mind.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Mitsuko Souma's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Valkyrian View Post
    I really am not sure where my boyfriend fits. He took a free test (the one on HumanMetrics) and ended up with ENTJ, but I'm a bit skeptical if he's really an intuitive type.

    It's really hard to tell with him. In many ways, he understands what I'm trying to say, but he will completely misunderstand me in other ways. There is a slight difference when I compare our conversations to those with my INTJ friend, who more easily picks up on the meaning of what I'm trying to put into words. My boyfriend requires more explanation from me when I'm trying to express an abstract thought, as he will often take it the wrong way.

    It's also hard to pinpoint just how introspective he is. He is not (entirely) self-oblivious and he can answer questions about himself fairly well. He will immediately talk about his feelings with me if something's up. He is aware of his own actions and takes pride in them, though he rarely considers how those actions may affect those around him. He has never been one to care what others think of him. If he finds something about himself that he doesn't like, he will tirelessly work to change it.

    He does not see much inherent value in tradition. It deeply annoys him when people stick to methods that are outdated and/or inefficient, and moreso when they are closed-minded about learning new things. For example, he hates it when old people say stuff like "When I was your age, we didn't have this and that" and frown on progressive technology. He has expressed that he never wants to stop learning, even when he gets old and comfortable. But although he isn't big on the concept of tradition, he DOES have a strong set of moral values. He holds this standard to both himself and others.

    He's definitely an assertive and take-charge kind of guy. He does not tolerate BS. He's honest, a fast learner, and highly well-spoken. He's also extremely quick on his feet and a VERY good arguer. He's a huge jokester as well, and can be loud and boisterous.

    I heard that ESTJs value efficiency, whereas ENTJs value mastery. I asked my boyfriend if he's more likely to do things in the most efficient way, or work extra to do them the "right" way; he said that he'd do it the efficient way if he could, but will not neglect the need to do something perfectly if the situation demands it. He seems to value both depending on the situation.

    As for other information, his main interests include gaming (he's a game development major, it's his passion), anime, some sciences, stand-up comedy, computers and technology.

    Sorry for the long post. Any insight about these two types is greatly appreciated.
    ENTJ. I think its worth saying that seeing the differences between S and N are hard, even in person. Here is what I think though. Both ESTJ and ENTJ have Te as a dominant function. That is extroverted thinking where the person takes information from the environment, organizes and tries to apply it in situations. This is where your boyfriend kinda gives off the "sensor" type feeling with the "efficient way" over the "mastery way." Both ESTJ and ENTJ have that but for ESTJ they have Si secondary where they use their past experience and try to apply that to the future where your boyfriend whom is most likely an ENTJ has Ni secondary where they tend to not rely on experience as much and be more innovative and inventive with their views/morals. The fact that he doesn't like the "in my day..." type reasoning is proof to me that he is an Ni user over Si.

    On a side note; don't try to compare him to an INTJ. They are Ni dominant and its very hard as I said to see difference in S and N in person. The Ni shows more in the INTJ than your ENTJ boyfriend. With that being said; just because your ENTJ boyfriend isn't as "intuitive" as your INTJ friend doesn't make him a sensor. Hope this helps.

  9. #9
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Valkyrian View Post
    I really am not sure where my boyfriend fits. He took a free test (the one on HumanMetrics) and ended up with ENTJ, but I'm a bit skeptical if he's really an intuitive type.

    It's really hard to tell with him. In many ways, he understands what I'm trying to say, but he will completely misunderstand me in other ways. There is a slight difference when I compare our conversations to those with my INTJ friend, who more easily picks up on the meaning of what I'm trying to put into words. My boyfriend requires more explanation from me when I'm trying to express an abstract thought, as he will often take it the wrong way.

    It's also hard to pinpoint just how introspective he is. He is not (entirely) self-oblivious and he can answer questions about himself fairly well. He will immediately talk about his feelings with me if something's up. He is aware of his own actions and takes pride in them, though he rarely considers how those actions may affect those around him. He has never been one to care what others think of him. If he finds something about himself that he doesn't like, he will tirelessly work to change it.

    He does not see much inherent value in tradition. It deeply annoys him when people stick to methods that are outdated and/or inefficient, and moreso when they are closed-minded about learning new things. For example, he hates it when old people say stuff like "When I was your age, we didn't have this and that" and frown on progressive technology. He has expressed that he never wants to stop learning, even when he gets old and comfortable. But although he isn't big on the concept of tradition, he DOES have a strong set of moral values. He holds this standard to both himself and others.

    He's definitely an assertive and take-charge kind of guy. He does not tolerate BS. He's honest, a fast learner, and highly well-spoken. He's also extremely quick on his feet and a VERY good arguer. He's a huge jokester as well, and can be loud and boisterous.

    I heard that ESTJs value efficiency, whereas ENTJs value mastery. I asked my boyfriend if he's more likely to do things in the most efficient way, or work extra to do them the "right" way; he said that he'd do it the efficient way if he could, but will not neglect the need to do something perfectly if the situation demands it. He seems to value both depending on the situation.

    As for other information, his main interests include gaming (he's a game development major, it's his passion), anime, some sciences, stand-up comedy, computers and technology.

    Sorry for the long post. Any insight about these two types is greatly appreciated.
    If it makes a difference, I'm an ESTJ and I relate to everything in this post. And by everything, I mean 90% of it; the things I don't relate to are all small things like interest in game development and stand-up comedy. And I don't think I'm a good arguer (although that isn't type-related).

    I especially relate to the bolded.

    Edit: Something to consider, is how much he relies on his own personal experience, to decide what is "normal" or what is "done". An ESTJ could easily have a distaste for tradition, but still be guided by his or her own past experiences, that they wouldn't define as "traditions" per se. This would be Si, and, like others have said on this thread, deciding between Ni and Si would be the best way to see if your boyfriend is ENTJ or ESTJ.
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  10. #10

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    The awesome factor could be an indication of ENTJ, does he dress in suits or is he a snappy dresser?

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