on the MBTI tests i have done so far, i’ve scored as an INxP (with pronounced N and P and weak introversion). however, after i started to read more about the various types, i began to have more doubts as to how accurate this really is. i wonder how you would define my type based on these answers.
1) What aspect of your personality made you unsure of your type?
i seem to be a collection of contradictory – or mutually exclusive – traits. what i am does make sense to myself, on an instinctual level, but i wonder whether there might be an explanation for my being that way.
2) What do you yearn for in life? Why?
right now my goals are very specific:
1) i want to finish a sci-fi book i've been writing with a co-author for several years, complete the constructed language that is to go with it, and see both published;
2) i want to do all the cross-stitching projects i have planned (of which there is a lot, owing to my habit of chronic procrastination);
3) i want to find a man whom i would see as a suitable mate, marry him (or just start living together) and give birth to a child. if this doesn't work out, i would settle for an agreement with a man to make me pregnant, after which i would raise the baby on my own.
for a variety of reasons, i think it would be pointless to look further than this for the time being.
3) Think about a time where you felt like you were at your finest. Tell us what made you feel that way.
i was fifteen and had just finished high school (i graduated slightly earlier than most). i had no idea what was going to happen to me; i don’t think i could even imagine what university life would be like, because of how sheltered i had been before, but this, in itself, made me excited. the future was a dark, thrilling enigma. i would look forward to each coming day and inwardly urge time to fly by faster, so i could finally discover *what* was waiting for me. i was full of half-formed dreams i could not define even for myself. everything seemed to be breathing, losing its solidity; the leaves on the trees glowed with an internal light of their own, the sensation of the wind lifting my sarong and touching my bare legs was intoxicating and i felt so light i could well have been floating a few inches off the ground. i was happy, whole, at one with myself and my surroundings, and more friendly and outgoing than ever before.
i know that i was probably having a hypomanic episode (i am suspected bipolar), but i still think of this as a time when i was happiest.
4) What makes you feel inferior?
in my teens and early twenties, i used to feel inferior because i felt powerless. my parents were rather controlling and pressured me into accepting the choices they saw most fit for me. at the time, i wasn't strong enough to just tell them to mind their own business, so the only way i would retain my sense of self was through passive aggression, i.e. refusing to become what my parents wanted to see me as, and, at the same time, taking no real action to make my own dreams come true. it went as far as my failing at elementary hygiene (not brushing my teeth until they darkened, not combing my hair until it became tangled and i had to cut out entire strands, changing my clothes once a month or so, only once they would start to smell and would become drenched in sweat) just because my mother thought a woman’s appearance was of paramount importance, and was not particularly fond of my body shape. i felt as if i was betraying myself by behaving in this manner and was ashamed of my own weakness.
these days, i no longer feel inferior. thankfully.
5) What tends to weigh on your decisions? (Do you think about people, pro-cons, how you feel about it, etc.)
my understanding of what is "right" and "wrong". hurting other people does qualify as wrong for me, so i will take this into account.
i used to be much more impulsive in the past, and would rely mostly on my “sixth sense” and my feelings about the situation (which i frequently was unable to identify or describe to others). there are two areas where i still act on impulse: gift-giving and shopping (for presents, flowers, postcards, food that falls into the “mood food” or “comfort food” category, objects that have an emotional significance for me, such as collectable tiny glass figurines, glass ornaments or soft toys, art or craft supplies, and, on occasion, clothes that i particularly like). both of these are directly connected to my sense of emotional well-being.
6) When working on a project what is normally your emphasis? Do you like to have control of the outcome?
i focus on the process itself. after all, this is the only way to ensure that the outcome is as excellent as possible.
7) Describe us a time where you had a lot of fun. How is your memory of it?
i’m not sure this qualifies as fun – “warm”, “special” or “emotionally intense” might be better descriptions – but each of the many evenings i have spent with a friend would do.
8) When you want to learn something new, what feels more natural for you? (Are you more prone to be hands on, to theorize, to memorize, etc)
it depends on what i am learning, but i think it is most vital for me to be able to visualize the material. while studying ethics i see certain situations in my mind, the choices one could make or the ways one could behave, and the feelings one would be likely to experience (or, in general, the feelings caused by specific types of human behavior). while learning a foreign language, i do the exercises in writing and make a summary of each grammar section, which i can then write down several times over and/or type out in MSWord. having the written text in front of me ensures that the learning is fast and very efficient.
hands-on learning is useful, but not necessary. for example, if i want to learn a new recipe, i will be fine as long as i can imagine all the required ingredients (what they look like, myself reaching for the shelf to get them or buying them at the department store or the farmers’ market, etc.) and the process of cooking (standing at the table and doing the chopping, slicing or mixing, pouring water into the pot, heating it with the flame tuned to a specific height, etc.). i do not have to watch a cook carry out these actions or to repeat them.
9) How organized do you to think of yourself as?
i am the very opposite of “organized”. at university i used to be dreadful at observing deadlines and would habitually miss them and submit my work several days late (i don’t envy the tutors who had to deal with this – i guess they were very generous in that they not only accepted my assignments but also gave me positive assessments). whenever there is a task i need to do, i tend to delay it until the very last moment. then, if i am lucky, i will have an insane outburst of energy, during which i will sit down, concentrate as much as i can and complete the whole task in a matter of hours. if i am not, i will feel crushed and hide from the person for whom i was supposed to do the task, or write apologetic emails until the issue is resolved. i wrote both my BA and my MA theses in this manner; there is a saying here that a typical student spends no more than two weeks on a final paper, and i did just that. usually, i would write on the night before the scheduled meeting with my supevisor, and i remember “giving birth” to the introduction and conclusions of my MA paper at an internet cafe, just minutes before i had to hand in the final version. surprisingly, i got an 8 (on a ten-point scale).
my room is sheer (un)inspired chaos – there are stick-on notes everywhere telling me to do this or that (though, of course, i forget to look at them when i have to), my desk is covered in open books and sheets of paper with something scribbled on them, there are clothes strewn all over my mattress bed and chairs and occasionally on the floor as well. i may neglect it so much that there will be a thick layer of dust on my table and book shelves and the PC keyboard becomes so dirty it is difficult to see which key is which. then, once a month or so, i will suddenly notice this and spend the whole day tidying up. if i do start doing this, i become obsessive about cleaning out each tiny stain or each mote of dust, even those of them that would have gone unnoticed by somebody else, so that in the end everything is shining. not for long, though. i allow a heap of dirty cutlery and utensils to collect in the kitchen sink; then, when the heap becomes huge and starts to smell, and i no longer have anything to eat with, i will spend an hour or two doing the dishes.
i read books in random snippets, starting at the final pages or in the middle. i rarely have the patience to read a book consistently from the beginning to the end like most other people i know, even if i find it extremely engaging.
10) How do you judge new ideas? You try to understand the principles behind it to see if they make sense or do you look for information that supports it?
it would depend on the idea itself and the sphere it belongs to. if it’s a theological concept, i would most certainly focus on whether or not it makes sense within the larger conceptual framework i am using as a basis (and also on the emotions connected to it); if it is a biological hypothesis, i would try to determine whether it is based on any factual data obtained through observation.
11) You find harmony by making sure everyone is doing fine and belonging to a given group or by making sure that you follow what you believe and being yourself?
i don’t tend to meddle in group dynamics. i think i can only focus on one individual at a time; if i am within a group, i tend to concentrate on a single member and lose track of the others. when it comes to others feeling well, yes, i do care about that – for instance, if i come to work and hear a colleague complaining about being sick, i will feel concerned and will try to suggest something they might want to do to get better, if i can.
being myself and following my values and beliefs is what i do always regardless of the situation, so i should think this is more important for me.
12) Are you the kind that thinks before speaking or do you speak before thinking? Do you prefer one-on-one communication or group discussions?
ideally, i do like to think before i speak. this might mean that i have to talk slowly, but i don’t mind. however, when i am feeling uptight or tired, i tend to do the opposite and say the first thing that comes to mind, which may or may not make sense (and is often less than nice).
i definitely prefer meeting my friends one at a time, rather than in a group. what i really like are lengthy conversations with a single friend, most commonly at some cozy pub or while taking a stroll together. i feel this is the only way to communicate in the genuine sense of that word, and to form a certain lasting bond. i don't think i could do the same in a group; all the more so my friends are all very different and there are few topics that would interest all of them at once, save for the most superficial ones.
13) Do you jump into action right away or do you like to know where are you jumping before leaping? Does action speaks more than words?
these days i like to be cautious and to consider all the advantages and disadvantages before i reach a decision. shopping, giving gifts to friends and treating them to dinner are the major exceptions.
actions do speak louder than words. i don’t mind people who avoid discussing their relationships and feelings for each other altogether, as long as they actually do something to show that they care. and i feel revolted when people talk about feelings without actually meaning what they say.
sometimes i wonder whether the word “love” should be banned for a while both from literature and everyday discourse. it’s such a valuable word, but one constantly hears it being uttered by those who have no idea what it stands for, just because it sounds glorious.
14) It's Saturday. You're at home, and your favorite show is about to start. Your friends call you for a night out. What will you do?
i'll choose to go out with my friends. i can always watch the show when it is repeated, or download it from a torrent; it can wait. my friends, on the other hand, may not have the time to see me later on, and the same may be true for myself. it's best to make use of any opportunity to socialize as soon as it presents itself.
15) How do you act when you're stressed out?
as a rule, i talk non-stop, to a point where it becomes very difficult to shut me up; i say many redundant phrases without thinking, break off in mid-sentence, forget what i had just been saying, repeat things i had already stated again and again, and struggle and fail to find the right words. i also tend to use a horrible pidgin consisting of russian, english and lithuanian expressions. i would not be sure that it's always possible to understand me.
i may also become restless and start thinking obsessively about the stressful situation (or, rather, imagining that situation, its possible outcomes and the ways i might act to resolve it).
16) What makes you dislike the personalities of some people?
the following qualities:
* when one coerces or forces others into subcribing to one’s own vision of the world;
* when one projects one’s own desires, dreams or fears onto another person and lives vicariously through them, as if they were a (metaphorical) ventriloquist’s dummy;
* outright physical violence;
* when one attempts to force another person to accept one’s point of view, citing “arguments” that are rife with logical fallacies, and, in fact, are not proper arguments at all.
17) Is there anything you really like talking about with other people?
i like to discuss anything – my and my friends’ personal lives, what we have been doing lately, our hobbies and interests, general subjects such as philosophical and ethical issues, books we have read, shows or movies we have watched, the characters and their behavior, our pets. all of this is engaging and helps create a stronger mutual connection.
18) What kind of things do pay the least attention to in your life?
my physical appearance. on the one hand, i feel somewhat dissociated from my body, because it has been used in the past to manipulate me, and am still trying to develop a better awareness of it. on the other, i refuse to be an object whose “packaging” has to be perfect. if someone is really interested in me, they should be able to see and appreciate what is inside; but if the “wrapping” is all that matters to them, i want them out of my life. now.
19) How do your friends perceive you? What is wrong about their perception? What would your friends never say about your personality?
my friends’ opinions of me are very different, so much that it is sometimes hard to believe they are talking about the same individual. i think each of them could be right in her own way, though.
friend nr. 1 says that at first, when we had just met, she thought me very odd. she was somewhat wary of me, too, as i seemed to have a cold, hard quality she found difficult to pinpoint. it took a while for her to get used to me, but now that she has, she just appreciates me and tries to accept me for who i am. however, she has admitted that there is an intense vibe about me which feels “too much”, at times, and that my presence makes her reflect on various issues when she doesn’t want to do so, so she often avoids me.
friend nr. 2 thinks i am nice, sweet and a somewhat helpless, probably due to poor social adjustment. she says i am what could be translated as a “space cadet” and is, more often than not, fairly overprotective toward me.
friend nr. 3 summed me up in two phrases: "friend to all living things" (i personally would have changed this to "good with animals, not (so) good with people", but there it is) and "cloud cuckoolander", a la luna lovegood or winifred burkle. i do agree with the last one.
friend nr. 4 thinks that i am very outgoing, fond of simple pleasures such as good food or drink. she envies me a little because she thinks i have a much easier time expressing my emotions and getting them out of my system than she does. but then she thinks i am a doormat because of the way i have allowed my parents to take advantage of me. she also thinks me somewhat on the stupid side (not so much because my thinking is weak, but because i never bothered to develop it) and lacking in imagination. by this she means both that i have literal difficulty imagining some situations, and that some of them, such as scenes of torture, are too shocking for me and i stop and go no further.
i'm not sure what my friends would never say about me - i cannot read their minds.
20) You got a whole day to do whatever you like. What kind of activities do you feel like doing?
it would depend on how i feel, whether or not i have had enough sleep and feel the same chronic exhaustion that i’ve been struggling with over the last several years, but supposing that i am in fine shape, i would start the day with something that requires more concentration (reading, embroidery, the scenes from the book i’m currently working on). then i would go the gym and train at the heavyweight athletics hall until i feel tired, after which i would do a few rounds at the sauna and possibly swim for a while in the pool. in the evening, just as it starts to grow dark, i would call a friend to go to a quiet pub to have a chat and a good solid dinner with a couple of beers.
of course, i doubt that i could ever be this organized. most of my days off are similar, except i manage to do just one or two of these activities and waste the rest of the time on, well, i am not even sure what.