Questioning My Type...Again

[Silveresque]

Yes, I am seriously questioning my type. Again. After I just said I was 99% sure about my type. You guys are probably getting tired of this by now. I'm sorry I'm so indecisive. Anyways, this time I'm considering the possibility of being a type 9, so here are some points about myself that may be relevant:

-I'm extremely agreeable (I consistently score in the 90's on agreeableness)
-I often refrain from expressing my opinion when I believe it could cause conflict or make people dislike me
-I'm perfectly capable of expressing my opinion or being assertive when I need to be, especially for someone else's sake
-I can't stand it when I think someone may dislike me or have the wrong impression of me
-I almost never experience anger
-I make an effort to maintain positive opinions of everyone all the time (or to make sure I never think badly of anyone)
-I am extremely introspective and am very aware of my thoughts as well as my emotional state
-I have a strong need to find myself and be authentic
-I feel as though I'm never authentic enough (I've noticed I tend to act differently around different people)
-I'm not afraid of experiencing negative emotions (and sometimes I've even intensified them)
-The type 4 descriptions and levels of development fit me almost perfectly (although I'm not as dramatic, moody, and temperamental as most 4's)
-The type 9 descriptions and levels of development fit me pretty well (although I'm not nearly as conflict aversive and self-effacing as 9's are described)
-I'm not sure how strong a sense of self I have (I think I have a strong sense of self, but I can't be sure because it's in my nature to be self-doubting)
-I relate to 4's integration to 1 but not the disintegration to 2
-I relate to 9's integration to 3 and disintegration to 6
-I relate very much to 9's passion of the sloth (I get extremely lazy when I'm unhealthy and procrastinate on everything I don't feel like doing)
-I don't always go along with what others want and have no problem saying 'no' when I don't feel like doing something (and I've never had a problem with this)
-I have a hard time disagreeing with others, and when I do disagree, I usually do it in a way that makes it almost sound as though I'm agreeing with them (well, I think this, but you could still be right, and I do agree with this other thing you mentioned)
-I feel that I am missing something essential that others seem to have (well, I did, though not so much now, maybe a little)
-I used to be prone to melancholy, brooding, and intensifying negative feelings (not anymore, now that I'm healthy)

 

[Glycerine]

Why not just try it out to see if the shoe fits. That's what I did and do you have any close friends who would be willing to read through descriptions w/ you?

 

[Silveresque]

Why not just try it out to see if the shoe fits.

Yeah, I might do that. Thanks for the advice.

That's what I did and do you have any close friends who would be willing to read through descriptions w/ you?

Unfortunately, no. But I'm sure everyone who knows me irl would see me more as a 9 because I'm so pleasant and agreeable.

 

[Glycerine]

I would go w/ 9 then. There's a vast difference between the two ime. lol

 

[Silveresque]

I would go w/ 9 then. There's a vast difference between the two ime. lol

I'm not special anymore? This could take some getting used to...

 

[Glycerine]

You are a special snowflake.... that's what you are.

 

[Silveresque]

You are a special snowflake.... that's what you are.

Yay! I'm special!

(You know I was just joking though, right?)

 

[Glycerine]

haha, the special snowflake was supposed to be kinda ironic.

 

[Viridian]

Some INTPs can be Type 9s - Ansel Adams was a famous real-life example.

For what it's worth, you seem to have a "softer" edge than quite a few NTs in this site.

 

[Glycerine]

macguffin is one.

 

[Silveresque]

Hmmm...None of the instinctual stackings for 9 seem to fit me. Here's the closest fit:

Self-pres/Social

This subtype is the most self-effacing of type Nine, possibly the least assertive of all the enneagram types. They can feel as though they have been looked over and passed by. While they do desire attention and recognition, with the sexual instinct last in the stacking, they seldom actively pursue it. They feel as though it’s just not worth it. This subtype is usually very deliberate and methodical in their speech. They sometimes get frustrated because they don’t feel that they can say what they really want to say. They are therefore often very short and concise with their communication, not wanting to provoke any confrontation. But when given a chance and the time to express themselves, they can be quite talkative. While self-pres needs are important to this type, the fact that they are essentially Nines, sometimes causes them to put the needs of others before their own. When under stress, this type is likely to do busy work, anything that distracts them from their problems.

In relationships, the self-pres instinct combines with the merging qualities of the Nine to make a person committed and connected strongly in areas of security, home and other practical matters. They merge their environment with their loved ones. On the down side, this subtype can be passive-aggressive and withdraw under stress, holding back affection. They could possibly go long periods of time without talking to their spouse directly.

This could be problematic. The Sp/So description for 4 fit me very well (almost all of it would be bolded).

 

[sleuthiness]

I wish you luck!

 

[Vizzy]

Have you tried the descriptions here? http://webspace.webring.com/people/cl/lifexplore/chvar.htm

 

[Silveresque]

Have you tried the descriptions here? http://webspace.webring.com/people/cl/lifexplore/chvar.htm

Based on those descriptions I would be Sp. Just Sp. As in I don't identify at all with So or Sx.

Sp/empty space/So & Sx

 

[Viridian]

This could be problematic. The Sp/So description for 4 fit me very well (almost all of it would be bolded).

Sp Fours are less "blazing" than the other subtypes, so I think it's a possibility worth looking into.

 

[Silveresque]

Self-pres/Sexual

This subtype is self-effacing also, but is generally more assertive. They may be the subtype of Nine which is most aware of the boundaries between themselves and others and at the same time, possibly the most frustrated when those boundaries are violated. They can be aware of being walked over and they might even be aware of the anger it causes, but they become frustrated with their seeming inability to control this pattern. This is true, to some degree, of all Nines, but with the self-pres/sexual instinctual stacking, there seems to be a complex and interesting balance between the withdrawing energy caused by the dominant self-pres instinct and the assertive energy of the sexual instinct. This combination seems to raise consciousness of this dynamic.

Getting healthy for this subtype, and for all Nines, involves becoming aware of this dynamic and realizing they do have the power to control their boundaries. Part of this must come from the realization on the part of the Nine that they have invited this overstepping of their boundaries from others by not defining them. Close relationships will usually work or not for this subtype depending on how well they deal with this issue.

I do not have boundary issues, and that has nothing to do with how I became healthy. Are all nines really that bad at voicing their opinions and needs?

 

[Silveresque]

Type 9

Basic Desire: To have inner stability, peace of mind - Who doesn't want this?
Basic Fear: Of loss, separation (of being cut off from everything) - Um...maybe somewhere deep down?

In brief, Nines want to find unity and wholeness, to create harmony in their environment, to feel spacious and at ease, to emphasize the positive, to avoid conflicts and tension, to resist change and preserve things as they are, and to ignore whatever would upset or disturb them. Nines do not want to have conflicts with loved ones, to feel cut off or separated from others, to be angry, to be upset or disturbed, to have their habits or routines interrupted, to arouse themselves or to be emotionally uncomfortable, or to be forced to face unpleasant realities.

Type 4

Basic Desire: To find themselves and their significance (to create an identity out of their inner experience) - Fits me very well
Basic Fear: That they have no identity or personal significance - Maybe

In brief, Fours want to express themselves and their individuality, to create and surround themselves with beauty, to maintain certain moods and feelings, to withdraw and protect their vulnerabilities, to take care of emotional needs before attending to anything else, and to attract a "rescuer" who will understand them. Fours do not want to restrain or lose touch with their emotions, to feel ordinary, to have their individuality unrecognized, to have their taste questioned, to be required at social settings, to follow impersonal rules and procedures, to spend time with people they perceive as lacking taste or emotional depth.

Maybe I'm just a highly agreeable 4.

 

[Rasofy]

I think you are a 9. You don't look as individualist as 4s tend to be.

 

[Silveresque]

It's possible that I'm a highly agreeable 4, but it may also be possible that I'm a very introspective 9. At this point, 9 seems very possible, and I'm starting to doubt my 4-ness. Unlike most 4's, I don't really have a need to express myself. I'm content as long as I know myself, and I'm perfectly fine going along with others and not standing out or being unique.

There are a couple points about 9's that I'm seeking clarification on. All of the type 9 descriptions seem to indicate that 9's have trouble expressing their own opinions. I've seen this with my mom, who happens to be a 9, and I've always found her inability to just say what she wants frustrating and somewhat baffling. Are all 9's like this? Is it possible for a 9 to have no problem at all expressing their needs and wants?

And what about the "emotional numbing" part of 9's? Do all 9's try to numb out emotional pain? Or can this "numbing" manifest in a different way, like controlling how you feel about certain things or people?

 

[Silveresque]

Hey, [MENTION=5109]Glycerine[/MENTION], that's a cool link you posted on Viridian's type me thread. I think I'll make use of it too.

Four/Nine
Intense/Disengaged
Idealize fantasies/Idealize reality
Negative/Positive
Explore pain/Deny pain
Identify with emotions/Detach from emotions
Pessimistic/Optimistic
Conflictual/Avoid conflict
Misfit/Merges with others
Dark side/Bright side
Authentic/Submissive
Moody/Easy-going