My M-B type has been on my mind for several weeks now, probably because I’m always using the system to better relate to others. I’ve been increasingly bothered that I do not know with certainty my type, and I’m hoping that the insight here will help me find closure.
One reason I feel it has been difficult for me to settle on a type is that I’m exceedingly self-aware, and change my traits and behaviour depending on which individual or which group I’m interacting with(in). I’ve justified this before as “giving people what I perceive they need from me”. But now, I think I’ve begun to see this as mostly good but borderline duplicitous, and want to start living authentically in whatever type I am now. I’ve been acting like an XXXX, but of course I’m not, and I’ve confused myself so much, I’ve come closest to truth by determining which masks I enjoy wearing and which I don’t.
While I am unsure about my MBTI, I am very sure about my Enneagram 9w8 sx/sp.
I’ve also tested my cognitive functions: Ni>Fi>Se>Fe>Te>Ne>Ti>Si
Another new test gave me: N-17 , T-8 , S-6, F-6
All the tests I’ve taken point to ENFJ, ENTJ, INFJ, or INTJ.
I don’t fit any of them perfectly. XNTJs are stereotyped as being unsympathetic and driven. XNFJs are stereotyped as being self-sacrificing to a fault and conflict avoiding. I’m a pretty even balance of both, intuiting when and how I should act in a situation according to my inner values and sensing of limitations.
Arguments for and against each type (based on stereotypes):
ENFJ+: I love helping people and groups reach their potential and solving relational issues. When I like or care for someone, I can be very self-sacrificing. I like to be someone everyone knows and respects.
ENFJ--: I have little patience with those who are slow to grow emotionally/intellectually when I think they are capable of more. Moreover, I love conflict situations. I think that’s when people’s true colours emerge. I’d like to be a diplomat for this reason. I’m not an idealist when it comes to people, and think that they’re generally selfish and naïve.
ENTJ+: I do well when in charge. People seem to trust my plan and respect the role I give them in implementing it. I’m really argumentative (although I usually don’t initiate), but once I know the depth of someone’s ignorance, I find it hard to let go. I don’t try to hurt feelings in decision making, but am perfectly fine if it happens (although I may pretend to care more than I do).
ENTJ--: I’m not one to seize power, but I won't reject it either. I would rather be the true leader/manipulator without the title or the spotlight.
INFJ+: I can recognise the essence of a person, animal, situation almost immediately. I can walk into rooms and feel the emotions of others floating in the air. I know how people genuinely feel, no matter what they tell me, yet I’m private with my emotions.
INFJ--: I’m not that nice. I’m not a worrier. I like conflict. I’m willing to deem some people hopeless or not worth my time and move on.
INTJ+: While I can’t control my emotions, I’m great at controlling their expression. My brother said that he gets the sense that I repressed negative emotions as a child and always appeared happy, but that he sensed otherwise. While my behaviour would point to me being an extrovert, I prefer only having a few close friends at a time, and being on a friendly basis with everyone else. I’ve always loved school and learning, and I’m good at anything involving strategy. I have a high chess rating and love any strategy games. I hate games or activities that involve too much chance and not enough skill or smarts. I get bogged down and annoyed with too many details, and prefer people tell me what I need to know and craft their language when talking to me. I’m angered by those who are not willing to question their beliefs/assumptions or slow to make necessary choices. I hate when people tell me to do something based on their authority or preferences when I don’t see it as being useful or necessary. I hate when someone repeats themself to me or asks me to repeat something to them too many times. I'd rather someone criticise my character than my competence. I don’t like teaching/telling anything more than once. I also don’t like clingy people. I prefer not to touch anyone.
INTJ--: I'm pretty sure I like people, although sometimes I can literally feel myself pulling an extroverted caring mask off as soon as I walk away from someone. I’m very good with language and speak quickly and succinctly (somehow I imagine introverts struggle to piece their thoughts together?) When I’m by myself, I tend to become very critically self-reflective unless I’m working on something, creating, or enjoying art. I think this might be a product of being the youngest of three. In this position, I was forced to be social and preconditioned to think that others were wiser than me and that I should defer to them. Now it’s so apparent to me where everyone fall short.
I realise the imbalance of data I gave is troublesome. I could have done it differently, but I trust you all will see some meaning in it. I’ve been thinking a lot about INTJ lately because my cognitive functions point to that type NiFiTeSe, but I’ve never really thought of myself as introverted before. But now I’m contemplating whether I wear an extroverted mask to the rest of the world.
I’d be fine being two types (although it seems many of you feel that’s impossible), but I’m just looking for some sort of definition for my experience. Maybe I have a disorder...I’d be fine with that too. I pride myself on brevity in communication (5 sentences or less), but I think I really needed to get some of this out as most of the people I know mock MBTI and personality typology. Part of me feels incredibly selfish/stupid being here, writing all this, and asking for help, but this is bothering me enough.
Thanks for your help, and for the patient, servant's heart that you undoubtedly possess if you read all of this.