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  1. #101
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Yours is tough because I'm having a hard time linking all that to MBTI...

    But I kind of relate to your description, so you may be looking for a healthy ESTJ

    EDIT: Maybe ESTP, if not ESTJ.
    Possibly. They'd have to be a VERY healthy ESTJ or ESTP. But then again, my ideal guy would obviously be "healthy" and pretty balanced in whatever type he was.

    I've heard of enough difficulty-fraught INFJ/ESTJ relationships both IRL and here to feel a bit wary. But I dunno, I don't really subscribe to looking for someone based on type anyway...
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  2. #102
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Possibly. They'd have to be a VERY healthy ESTJ or ESTP. But then again, my ideal guy would obviously be "healthy" and pretty balanced in whatever type he was.

    I've heard of enough difficulty-fraught INFJ/ESTJ relationships both IRL and here to feel a bit wary. But I dunno, I don't really subscribe to looking for someone based on type anyway...
    Yeah... I tend to forget that not all ESTJs are as introspective as I am. But imo, that probably has to do with emotional maturity. And pretty much everyone I've talked to on this forum who's been in a less-than-ideal relationship with an ESTJ, has been in a relationship with one who wasn't very emotionally mature.

    I think your ideal guy is out there somewhere. Of course, I've been reading most of these descriptions thinking "Hey, this isn't a terribly farfetched description; seems like a real person!"
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    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
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  3. #103
    Senior Member shoshana's Avatar
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    haha this thread is pretty entertaining!

    -he is opinionated (to the point where he might seem almost resolute in every word that comes out of his mouth, however, is always open to new ideas and thoughts). respects a logical argument, regardless if it conflicts with his own.
    -thoughtful and literate
    -taller than me is a must (as i'm about 5'3) however being 6+ inches taller would be sweeeet
    -knows what they want and how to get it
    -likes spicy food. wont cry when i mix saracha or chili oil into the food i make
    -is affectionate but isn't clingy. respects that i need my own space and they are more than okay to be on their own doing their own thing
    -hardly ever jealous (if ever)
    - being on time to a commitment (personal or work related) is important to him
    - knows how to shut me up (it's a hard thing to do)
    - someone i could learn from indefinitely and vice versa
    -he has a deep, soothing voice (but not crazy like tom waits)
    -could spend a day hiking or goofing off around the house
    -he looks good in a suit but would laugh at the thought of wearing one unless the ocasion required one
    -he could add to a conversation about music history, or industry (i'm a daughter of a musician and composer).
    -appreciates live music
    -likes to travel and digs museums (even if in moderation)
    i could probably go on and on with this... but i'm sure this is more than enough info to type him?

  4. #104
    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I did think there was a possibility this guy simply doesn't exist. We are talking "ideal." I thought some kind of ExxJ was the most likely, honestly.

    I honestly have serious doubts as to how I'd do with an xxxP.
    You know what they say, "Once you've had P, you can't let it be."

    ...nm.

    Seriously though, an ExTJ could fit with a lot of the things you described. I just got a twinge you were looking for someone relatively more spontaneous, or who could at least bring out the spontaneity in you. The EXXJ guy may not be that person.
    And so long as you haven’t experienced this: to die and so to grow,
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  5. #105
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind-up Rex View Post
    You know what they say, "Once you've had P, you can't let it be."

    ...nm.

    Seriously though, an ExTJ could fit with a lot of the things you described. I just got a twinge you were looking for someone relatively more spontaneous, or who could at least bring out the spontaneity in you. The EXXJ guy may not be that person.
    Yeah, I know what you mean. I think basically I'm looking for a (relatively) spontaneous and fun-loving ExxJ, or a (relatively) grounded and serious xxTP.

    And actually, if there are some fairly balanced guys out there, those might not be impossible to find.
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  6. #106
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind-up Rex View Post
    Seriously though, an ExTJ could fit with a lot of the things you described. I just got a twinge you were looking for someone relatively more spontaneous, or who could at least bring out the spontaneity in you. The EXXJ guy may not be that person.
    VERY good point. Especially since the ideal partner I posted about was the type of person to bring out the spontaneity in ME. So maybe a well-balanced, J-ish ESTP.
    Quote Originally Posted by shoshana View Post
    haha this thread is pretty entertaining!

    -he is opinionated (to the point where he might seem almost resolute in every word that comes out of his mouth, however, is always open to new ideas and thoughts). respects a logical argument, regardless if it conflicts with his own.
    -thoughtful and literate
    -taller than me is a must (as i'm about 5'3) however being 6+ inches taller would be sweeeet
    -knows what they want and how to get it
    -likes spicy food. wont cry when i mix saracha or chili oil into the food i make
    -is affectionate but isn't clingy. respects that i need my own space and they are more than okay to be on their own doing their own thing
    -hardly ever jealous (if ever)
    - being on time to a commitment (personal or work related) is important to him
    - knows how to shut me up (it's a hard thing to do)
    - someone i could learn from indefinitely and vice versa
    -he has a deep, soothing voice (but not crazy like tom waits)
    -could spend a day hiking or goofing off around the house
    -he looks good in a suit but would laugh at the thought of wearing one unless the ocasion required one
    -he could add to a conversation about music history, or industry (i'm a daughter of a musician and composer).
    -appreciates live music
    -likes to travel and digs museums (even if in moderation)
    i could probably go on and on with this... but i'm sure this is more than enough info to type him?
    Definitely ExTx. I almost think you're looking for another ExTJ.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



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    want to ask me something? go for it!

  7. #107
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Yeah, I know what you mean. I think basically I'm looking for a (relatively) spontaneous and fun-loving ExxJ, or a (relatively) grounded and serious xxTP.

    And actually, if there are some fairly balanced guys out there, those might not be impossible to find.
    Yeah I posted mine and then realized pretty much any type could be that as long as the person is mature, somewhat introspective, and balanced.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  8. #108
    Senior Member shoshana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Definitely ExTx. I almost think you're looking for another ExTJ.

    awh... sorta been down that road and it ended up being rather unpleasent lmao

  9. #109
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    Yeah I posted mine and then realized pretty much any type could be that as long as the person is mature, somewhat introspective, and balanced.
    Yes, exactly.

    I actually think my greatest concern could be over the F/T balance. On one hand, I'd like (even need) the guy to be reasonably emotionally aware and certainly to view my feelings as valid and important, and to put forth great effort to understand me. I'm not high-maintenance at all as long as you treat me nice and try to understand.

    On the other hand, no emo crybabies who are consumed with their own feelings, please. So that's where I'd probably want him to be most balanced. And quite honestly, it often seems very difficult to find that balance.

    I do think that some T guys can do quite well in that regard if they put forth the effort to be understanding. They may not fully empathize with a lot of deep and difficult feelings, but they can be good at "If I do a+b, my woman will be happy and feel loved and cared for. If I do c+d, on the other hand, she is unhappy and feels neglected and unloved. So, because a+b is reasonable and makes her happy, I'd better do that as much as possible." I could live with that.

    I know that I'm extremely devoted in a relationship so I would really just need someone who would treat me well, and help me to communicate instead of clamming up and feeling resentful (that's when I can get nasty), and then make an effort to understand what I am communicating.
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  10. #110
    Senior Member uncommonentity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    I'm sorry, what?
    It's just an opinion based on personal experience and the following:

    May be unaware or uncaring of how they come across to others.
    May deliberately bully people into behaving a certain way (with the justification that they're enforcing a principle.)
    May quickly dismiss input from others without really considering it.
    May have difficulty communicating their thoughts and feelings to others.
    Maybe have difficulty understanding the importance of considering people's feelings, and trying to meet their emotional needs.
    May hold grudges, and have difficulty forgiving people.
    May have an intense and quick temper.
    May be highly controlling towards others.
    May be unable to place value on individual life.
    May be unable to see the long-term impact of their behavior.
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