I'm still not sure what type I am! this is after something like a year of trying to figure it out. I know I'm I, and P. I'm decently sure I'm F too, but I'm not sure about the S/N divide. Sometimes I identify with things I read about INFPs, sometimes with ISFPs. Like, I identify more with N-ness than S-ness, but then when it comes down to choosing one specific type, I get stuck.
here's a summary of how I see myself:
Music is extremely important to me. When I really like a song, I internalize it deeply. Songs come into my head, and I'll start singing them to myself, and then a few seconds later I realize why that particular song occurred to me at that particular moment. Like, say I'm thinking about how I need to be more independent--then the song "army of me" by bjork pops into my head, and a minute later I go, oh yeah that totally reflects where I'm at right now. not sure how much that impacts my type, but music is definitely a big part of who I am. I like to make music, too...also, books--I do the same thing with books. there are a few books that are really important to me that I've internalized and now seem like part of reality to me. especially books that have a bit of a surreal edge, like ones by haruki murakami (favorite author).
oh, also, the poetry I write is really important to me. I like the idea of making art, but when it comes down to it I'm most comfortable using words instead of say paint to get my message/how I'm feeling across.
people are super important to me too. I tend to either be close to people or not talk to them much--there's not much in-between for me. I'm either close enough with someone to be able to confide in them, or I just don't really consider us friends. I do a lot better one-on-one than I do in groups--I need to feel like I can say anything I feel like saying and not be judged or laughed at, and that trust is easier to find when I'm just with one or two other people.
but yeah, high school has been hard for me, because I'm such an introvert, and I have so much social anxiety. It's hard for me to communicate at all when I don't have any privacy!
I get hurt so easily. I take things personally all the time. Sometimes I'm so surprised when I realize someone didn't mean to criticize me, when I thought they did. I get upset when people don't understand how deeply things affect me. I'm trying to work on this, though.
A big part of who I am--maybe the biggest part right now--is my depression and anxiety. I know those things aren't type-specific, but maybe the way I deal with them is? I tend to feel this great urge to talk about how I'm feeling. And there aren't many people I feel ok sharing that with, so it can be pretty tricky to manage that in the right way. I'll get this huge need to say something like "I absolutely want to die right now, but I know life is worth it no matter what, so I'm gonna keep trying". and I say that, and it helps a lot, just being able to say that. but at the same time I also isolate myself a lot as a result of my depression/anxiety. like this: I just went through a period of not seeing any of my friends for almost a month. and even though I know that's not going to help anything, I still have this tendency to cut myself off from the people I love--I make up reasons, like "oh they don't want to see me anyway" or "I don't want to make other people be around me when I feel like this". Basically when I'm going through a tough patch, I tend to shut down. that's something I need to work much harder against.
I really want to change who I am, and that's a big part of my identity too. I know more or less who I want to be, but sometimes I don't know how to get there, and that's frustrating. frustrating also is the fact that I don't know all that much about who I am right now. I need to change my life, not just who I am deep down. That's the thing I need to accept. I want to get back a certain feeling I've had before: a feeling of acceptance and light, of being basically ok with the way things are. I would kill for that feeling (well, not actually). that's what I'm living for right now--for trying to get that feeling, or whatever it is, back again. trying to get back in a good place, so I can live life and be a person again.
and I want to help people, too. I don't know how, exactly, but for now I'm starting by just sharing how I feel and trying to help other people who are going through what I've been through.
oh and let's see: here are some words I would use to describe myself. shy, kind, obsessive, endearing, clingy, convoluted, uplifting, anxious, awkward, funny, strange, smart, unconfident. I'm not sure how clearly I'm able to see myself, but yeah.
anyway, hopefully that gives you an idea of what kind of person I am, and of what type I might be.
so indulge me, if you will. what type do I sound like?
I know the MBTI isn't perfect, or a solution for life, or anything like that. but I want to be able to understand myself better...and I thought some outside input would be helpful. thanks to anyone who replies to this post!
oh and this is pretty much my first post here, so also: hi everyone!!!