You sound a lot like me. I just changed my type yesterday from 4w5 so/sp to 5w4 sx/sp. I can definitely relate to not being able to express my feelings, and I think I know what you mean when you say that your need to be unique may actually be the need to have something unique to you. While I want to have a unique identity, I tend to base that identity on something I'm good at - I'm the language girl, learning German, Spanish, French, and Japanese. I'm not a competitive person, but I think my uniqueness would feel threatened if someone else came around who was my age and knew as many or more languages, silly as it sounds. I think this could actually be related to the 5's desire for competence, to have something they can do really well.
Anyways, have you looked at my "what's my type" thread? I think it might help you figure out your type as well.
Yeah, I agree, thanks for that. It's not silly at all what you say because I can totally relate. I don't really want anyone to outdo me in my special area, in part, because my sense of competency is so fragile. Outside, I think I appear more Five, but internally I always could relate to the Four attitude more. Recently it seems my type has been changing to Five. The idea of the Four's ideal self-image vs. real self has been with me for a long time. In order to compensate for my real self, I focus developing into other people/characters. And I have a very push-pull tendency with things. That I miss it when I don't have it, and once I get it, I think I need something else. It's all about not being content with what I have. But, recently I've been more defensive, wanting people to just leave me alone because I cannot take their demands, especially emotionally. In the past, I think I could be with people in times of distress, but my needs have been neglected that I just don't want (and can't) deal with it any longer. And because of this, I've shut myself off from everything. Feels like there's a wall between myself and the outside world. On the other hand, when I am stressed out, I sometimes cling to people out of fear, but I don't really do things for them like an unhealthy Two would. I am always aware that I could be too much of a burden on them. I need constant reassurance that I'm not. I could relate to the Five going to Seven more. I get extremely scattered, wound up, and cannot focus on anything before jumping to the next thing. I'm not a dramatic person at all; in fact, I resent people who overdo their emotions/image (Lady Gaga comes to mind) in the name of being different, like some Fours do. I'm not at all concerned with scientific knowledge itself, but the deeper aspects of human experience. I enjoy the Enneagram, but I can't stop my mind from gathering information about people's behavior, connecting it to a tentative type, and then continually re-evaluating it. It's maddening. But I think I do it more to find out what my type (figuring it out (head space) or need for stable identity (image space)?) is rather than just to know. I'm sp-instinctual first, I think.
Not to be too superficial, but would a Five ever say their favorite movies are the ones that made them cry?
If you type the characters above, though, that's how I appear outwardly, which is an easier way of figuring it out than reading the above.
