Hi there. I am a recent convert to the Myers-Briggs personality assessment, and am a total amateur as far as how the test results are reached and really about psychology at large. I have taken at least eight different tests to determine my type, and have every time gotten INTP. However I find myself doubting the validity of this result based on the fact that I have what I would consider Feeling tendencies and it’s hard for me to judge which has the stronger pull in my psyche. At this point I also think that my awareness of the MBTI test and types are influencing my answers and that I’m starting to second, third-guess myself and am no longer constructively testing. Therefore I have joined the board in an attempt to receive some external feedback on what you think my type might be. I would really like to know what kind of personality I have. Although it would be flattering to me to be an INTP, and I like the idea of it, it’s more important to me that I know the truth and be able to accurately determine what my strengths and weaknesses are as an individual than pad my ego with false information.
Of the IN part of my personality, I really have little doubt that this is accurate- I am highly introverted and intuitive both. At this point in my life I don’t have anybody that I really trust, and no people that I associate with outside of my immediate family, a self-imposed exile that’s been in effect for about two years. It’s not impossible for me to have friends, and although I am uncomfortable and drained in social situations, it’s not because I’m cripplingly insecure or worried about what they think (that doesn’t come unless I get really close to someone). I just find 99% of human interaction really monotonous and boring, and would really rather not. My mind is just a much more interesting, vivid place for me to be at all times, and I don’t mean that in an ‘I’m so smart, so much better’ kind of way. I’m just so unswervingly selfish that I can’t hold even a five-second conversation with someone unless it concerns something I’m interested in. It’s not that I hate you or don’t want you to be successful or think you suck. I’m just not interested in personally authoring your rise to full potential. However, I pride myself in being very polite and cordial and always acting appropriately in social situations, and I will only start to act rudely, i.e. ignoring you until you go away, if you try to force your unwanted relationship on me. People think that I’m cold, and I am, but I’m not mean either.
However, after this things get a little muggy. I am fairly convinced that I am Perceiving type because I procrastinate like crazy any sort of decision, big or small, until it is finally taken out of my hands, at which point I feel a sense of relief, even if the outcome is negative. I have a huge problem with aimlessness and living without direction in general, and I’m not anal-retentive at all- things that I consider small, like what movie we watch, where we eat dinner, what we talk about, I don’t even bother to put forth an opinion about. On the other hand, I am highly opinionated about some things, passive aggressive with both direct and indirect conflict, and really like to keep my house clean. I have a very all-or-nothing mentality, and the way I look is no exception- I either look homeless or have every hair in place. There’s really no in between. However, when I do dress to the nines, I do it for myself and not because I’m trying to impress anyone or get attention. It just makes me feel good to be aesthetically pleasing.
And the most undetermined part of my personality would, of course, be Feeling VS Thinking. As I mentioned, I have consistently tested as Thinking, but I’m not convinced. Around other people, I am very restrained. Although I enjoy exchanging witticisms and sort of being the behind-the-scenes sarcastic person (I don’t do it consciously but that’s what I come off to other people as being) and will hand over my opinion on anything trite or removed if asked, I don’t like to gossip or hear gossip- I think it’s detrimental and low-minded. I feel highly uncomfortable expressing any sort of ‘real’ emotion, or anthing having to do with the ‘real me’ enough that I feel a little nauseous writing this post, even though none of you know me or think anything of me. I only let my emotions out when I am alone, and when that happens (every six months or so), they’re usually very strong and it takes me anywhere from a day to a week to talk myself off a cliff of swirling negativity and nihilism. About most things, though, I am indifferent to a fairly high degree. Most people who have gotten to know me well enough find it alarming that I am so indisposed to show emotion, so I’ve adapted to this and will often ‘affect’ feelings that I don’t really feel. I show concern when someone has been sick when inside I don’t care, feign excitement when someone says that they’re having a baby, etc. This adaptation is applied to all people I associate with, including my immediate family, because I realize that my emotions (or lack thereof) are not condoned.
I also think that I might be T because I am never overwhelmed by feeling, if that makes sense. I personally know people who just can’t be reasoned with when they’re emotional, get to a place where they won’t hear logic in any context, and inevitably end up doing and saying rash things because their feelings are so strong in the moment. This isn’t like me at all. I will get angry, sad, depressed, paranoid, etc., but I can count on one hand the times in my life that I have flown off the handle and let anyone have it verbally or emotionally. To me, rampant emotionalism is manipulative and infuriating, whether I’m on the giving or receiving end of it, and few things annoy me more than an illogical, high-strung person ranting. When I see people in hysterics, screaming, or out of control ‘feeling’ I think that they look incredibly immature and stupid. Even when I do feel strong emotion, I can usually deal with it because I am able to place exactly where it came from and why I feel that way. Also, I am never ‘out of my mind’ with any given emotion- I have had people tell me that I seem to be deficient in the ‘panic gene’- I’ve never freaked out about anything because the brain part of me is always chiming in and reminding me that I’ve got logical options.
On the other hand, I wonder if INTP is correct because I am not particularly scientific or systematic in the things I do (at least I don’t think I am). Mathematics has never been able to hold my interest for me long enough so that I can even tell you if I’m good at it or not, although I suspect I wouldn’t be. I find science really interesting and enjoy reading and learning about it, but I still think that that falls pretty short of aptitude. I’ve always loved stuff like foreign cultures, word history, literature and languages (especially anything Far East). I love to read and appear to have at least some ability with language- I was one of the top-seated debaters on my high school team and received a ‘Cicero’ award from my school. I think and analyze a lot. Way more than is healthy. However, I can’t attest to the quality of these thoughts or analysis- I’ve always done really poorly in school and honestly have the focusing ability of a *gnat*. I shouldn’t have a drivers’ license- I can’t keep my attention on the road to save my life, literally.
I guess that one of the primary reasons I think that I might be Feeling (other than the fact that I am not smart enough to be INTP) is because deep, deep down in my heart of hearts I do long to have a relationship with someone. Just one person. I have always imagined it as a guy not because I really want romance per se, but just because I have always gotten along with guys better than girls. As a matter of fact, females pretty much drive me up a wall. So I usually imagine myself in a relationship with a guy who understands me and listens to my ideas, who is well-accomplished and intellectual and is able to stimulate me and make me want to be a better and more capable human being. Who will help to make me the person that I want to be. The relationship between George Eliot and George Henry Lewes comes to mind. And it’s worth noting that if I can’t have a relationship that fulfills these needs, then I’d really rather have none at all.
So, wow, I apologize for this being so freaking long-winded. I swear I’m not a narcissist, I just wanted to give as much information as possible so that accuracy could be improved. What do you guys think? Can you shed some light on the subject, based on what I’ve written? Or do you have any further questions that you would like for me to answer? Any questions, answers, or information is greatly appreciated! Thanks!