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  1. #1
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    Default INTJ or ISTJ? Help me type my boyfriend?

    I thought he was a INTJ, he tested as one (online) but now I'm starting to doubt it. Maybe ISTJ?

    Our communication tends to go as follows (and we are discussing relationship related topics);
    Me: It could be like this /presents one of several likely theories
    Him: No, its like this /presents a concluded “set in stone” solution to the topic
    Me: Maybe, but it also could be seen as this or this
    Him: No its like I say. /tries to show solution down my throat
    Me: I see you point, but I will not disregard the other theories yet
    Him: /getting very frustrated. But I'm telling you it's like this

    Three days later he has adopted a less rigid view of the matter.

    He gets upset if I tell him we need to discuss a topic and leaves it at that. I'm thinking I'm giving him time to think about it, he sees it as throwing an challenge in his face and don't let him “defend” him self. Or fix the problem I just told him we have. I had no idea it was a problem, I thought it was a point of interest we could discuss later.

    I like to explore any idea or concept and right now I'm exploring this relationship. I suck at handling feelings so I need a lot of time to process things. He has made up his mind a about us, and I am now part of a Plan. Its on a time schedule. He wants to get married. I have no idea what I feel about that idea. The whole concept of marriage is foreign to me and I don't know what the point is apart from creating extra paperwork if we split up later. If its really that important to him, fine, I'll do it if I'm still happy in the relationship in a few years.

    • Points of interest (?) to type him:
    • He's highly intelligent
    • He works hard to achieve his goals
    • He's so tidy it's pedantic
    • He will express affection as in “I love you” but that's it.
    • He makes decisions based on very little information and apart from when he is talking about feelings he's often right
    • He's comfortable with the decisions he's made
    • He's self confident to the point where he comes off as arrogant
    • He's dependable and loyal but will not hesitate to sever ties if someone in his life “brakes his rules of proper conduct”
    • He's creative, makes music and is considered very talented and technically proficient
    • An idea most be applicable or it has very little value
    • He's a leader type but prefers to work alone
    • He's future-oriented
    • He likes systems and seems to be really good at finding flaws in them
    • Everything can be improved. By him. Including my inability to pay my bills on time
    • It's his perspective or none
    • He has horrifyingly high standards and expects everyone else to live up to them (and I have trouble grasping how on earth I can meet those in his head...)


    I'm not very good at typing other people, so if anyone has an opinion I'd be grateful.

  2. #2
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Welcome to the forum, Aibell!

    To me, the most compelling evidence to support INTJ: "He has made up his mind about us, and I am now part of a Plan."

    Your conversation above sounds like classic INTP / INTJ conflict as well.

    If you were to share the top 3 reasons why you feel he might be an ISTJ, what would they be?
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  3. #3
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    INTJ.



  4. #4
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    From your post there is nothing to suggest he would be ISTJ over INTJ.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  5. #5
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    Thank you for the welcome!
    Three things ISTJ...

    I think what has me confused is that he now is very preoccupied with nailing everything down. I was under the impression that INTJ like ideas and wouldn't mind exploring them. The rigidness he displays seemed to me to match ISTJ better. It's is as if I see the relationship as something interesting to learn more of, and to him a contract where there are certain rules. He's expressed a wish for me to present him with “facts rather than theories”. Not sure if I understand his use of the word “facts”, but he might mean “conclusions”. Non of us has English as a first language and we don't share first language, so sometimes we misunderstand each other.

    He's under the impression that he has the main responsibility to “manage the relationship”, he needs to fix what is wrong if there's something to fix, I contribute to a lot of chaos because I say things, according to him “without thinking about the way he would react”. I'm not sure if this points anywhere at all, but yet another thing I wouldn't peg on an INTJ. He also thinks that if we move in together he's the one responsible for “providing for the family”. He's really family oriented and following traditions seems to be really important to him.

    Apparently I can come up with two key points and a lot of fluff.

  6. #6
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    Yeah, INTJ is my best impression, particularly his future orientation. A question to ask him is, does he identify with his self-type? If he does, then I guess you should take his word for it.

  7. #7
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    From an INTP's perspective, INTJ's are pretty rigid.

    You said it yourself that he assumed a less rigid point of view after your discussion, to be able to assume a different position on a matter he felt he was right about is a sign of being 'open minded' or being intuitive. Sure unlike an INTP, he doesn't retreat from a discussion in order to reflect on everything after every new piece of information. But he clearly wasn't rigid about his opinion and shown to be open minded about things.

    As for your second point, I wouldn't neccesarily peg that on anything type related. Except maybe that it means he is a J and not a P. But that was clear already. :P
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    From your post there is nothing to suggest he would be ISTJ over INTJ.
    Correct! Ding ding. Boys a champion.

    You need to find Sensory sensitivity to find a Ni core. You need to find Intuition sensitivity to find an Si core.

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