I'm completely unsure of my type, so I'm hoping this community might be kind enough to help me out. For a while, I've been researching both the MBTI and the Enneagram for a while, but I'm uncertain about how I fit into both--the MBTI especially. So I ask you all: which type(s) do you think I am?
Warning: this is an extreme mind-dump of my personality. I've seen the questionnaire that people have been posting, but I feel like it's redundant... or maybe just my answers are. This seemed the easier course of action. Apologies for the length.
I tend to portray myself as being impassive, unaffected by the events going on. “Everything is okay” or “I don’t mind” are two common phrases out of me. It’s too much hassle to let every emotion rush over me. When I let them, it’s entirely exhausting: I get depressed and tired from constant up and downs. I vary from zoning out to having buzzing thoughts, though admittedly the former is more common. I can be passionate, but it's fleeting.
I don’t like admitting if I’m upset (angry, hurt, disappointed, etc.) unless it’s easily fixable. This isn’t out of pride, but because I don’t want to cause a scene. Often I feel like, if I admit how I feel, others will try too hard to fix it. Another problem with telling others if something is wrong is that there’s always contradictions: “I’m annoyed, but...” This entire concept seems foreign to people. So instead of saying if I’m bothered, I withdraw into my own head.
My speech is casual and I don’t really feel the need to be formal or to “look good.” I dress plainly, partly because I like neutral/simple things, partly because I don’t want to draw more attention to myself. Everyone notices me anyway, so why make myself more obvious? As I age, I’m starting to accept that it’s “okay” to express myself—and I don’t mean only via clothing.
At my best, I’m confident. I can easily find my way around life, in social situations, in the unknown. Talking to strangers isn’t as daunting, because somehow I can get my message across. I’m much more willing to put effort into something, to finish a project. Everything around is interesting and I’m curious to know more about it all. There are too many questions, too many places to explore: let’s go, there’s something around the next corner!
At my worst, I’m drained. Nothing seems worthwhile, so it’s better to not try. All the energy is sucked out of me. At my lowest, I completely numb out, unwilling to have any thoughts, because even those take energy. Why bother, nothing really matters; just stay in bed, keep staring at the wall.
When stressed, I start to worry about little things and worry more about the big things. If all my nerves become frayed at this point, I’ll completely break down. Nothing can console me, I’m too worried about everything. It’s rare to get this bad, but it’s happened a few times. I’ll start to take care of myself before I fall apart, so the worry is pretty much where it stops.
An odd thing about me is that I have a sort of natural “disconnect” in my head. Maybe it’s compartmentalization, maybe it’s doublethink, I don’t know. I can accept something and feel strongly about it, but not let it affect me too much. A big example would be that I know I am disabled, yet I don’t identify as being disabled; even though I’m angry at the difficulties my handicap brings, I’m not angry about the disability itself. Another would be that I can feel extremely bad about someone being hurt, but my first thought isn’t to their feelings, it's how to fix it: someone cut their finger, so instead of hovering over them at first, I’d just go get a Band-Aid.
In social situations, I always end up being the “support.” How I support others can really change, because different people need different things. If there’s a more “submissive” person, then I will act more “dominant” and speak up when they won’t; vise versa if there’s a louder person. There’s no question that I prefer a backseat role, in part due to social anxiety, but also because it’s downright hard to keep up façades such as assertiveness. As support, I tend to help the minute someone asks me to (even indirectly), but I won’t exactly jump in and they have to be polite about it. It should be mentioned that I am truly socially incompetent: I don't understand how or why people interact the way they do. When I try to copy their methods, I fail.
People describe me as: stubborn, apathetic, kind, strange, smart, quiet, unemotional. They’re surprised by what I can do, even the things I find simple (both physically and mentally). I come off as reliable and/or trustworthy; they gladly confide personal information to me, look to me for advice. Some have said that they're not sure how I'll react to some things, so apparently I can be confusing (yet have also been accused of being predictable).
I would describe myself as: introverted, compassionate, task-oriented, kind, anxious, curious, sarcastic, idealistic, cynical. Even I think of myself as unemotional to a point. It’s as if I need a period of time to process the situation—though there certainly are times where I will feel a “burst.” This unemotionality is something I dislike about myself and would like to change. I tend to think far too much, so even if I feel like I should do something, I keep thinking of other solutions and which would be the best. Whether my head or my heart rules isn't clear-cut.
A common question is, "What do you want in life?" My driving motivation is to understand the world around me, the reasons behind everything. I want to be fully accepted, but I think that's because I haven't felt this from anyone other than (maybe) my family. Even though I'm very lazy, I want to be seen as competent and autonomous. I want to help people—I'm a humanitarian—so I'm searching for a job that will utilize my skills and be worthwhile.