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Thread: E/I dilemma

  1. #1
    Senior Member syndatha's Avatar
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    Default E/I dilemma

    I've been interested in MBTI for 14-15 years now, and moved from ESTP (at 18) to ENTP, ENTJ, INTJ, INFJ and finally ended up with ENFJ. That may change, though
    I feel quite comfortable in the ENFJ coat, but I'm still confused with E/I. I see myself as an E, but I'm pretty close on the E/I-scale. But almost everyone I know see me as an I. I relate more to the ENFJ profile of the two. One close friend guessed I was INTJ - which was kind of wounding (even though I've played with the idea before myself.)
    So; the question is: If I think I'm an E, and everybody who knows me thinks I'm an I - should I care?
    Is it me, or is it them, that doesn't see the real me? Many of them are insightful people who I respect.

  2. #2
    Another awesome member. Curator's Avatar
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    I am no expert on this, but first thing Id like to point out, theres nothing wrong with being an INTJ, they can be quite awesome in their own way, and im mildly envious of some of their abilities, that being said, if you dislike the idea of being an INTJ so much, you are probably not one... I could be wrong though...

    as far as E vs I goes, as far as I can tell, it is quite possible for an E to seem more socially introverted than some other E's, but still be an E... I do not have a lot of knowledge about these things however, its just the impression ive gotten from what little reading ive done so far... im sure some of the more knowledgeable people will chime in soon

  3. #3
    Senior Member syndatha's Avatar
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    I totally agree!!! - There's nothing wrong with being INTJ. I was hurt because I felt misunderstood by someone I consider quite close, not because I dislike INTJs. Sorry if it came out wrong

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    Another awesome member. Curator's Avatar
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    ah, well, that I can understand entirely, I have one friend who thinks she is super awesome at reading people, and constantly reads the completely wrong things about me,lol... Ive found that rather hurtful as well, so I understand.

  5. #5
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    When making decisions do your motivations usually end up being about social harmony and achieving that at all costs, or do your motivations lie with truly understanding the reason behind others motivations and doing all you can to getting to the source of a problem in order to fix it internally?

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    Senior Member syndatha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReflecttcelfeR View Post
    When making decisions do your motivations usually end up being about social harmony and achieving that at all costs, or do your motivations lie with truly understanding the reason behind others motivations and doing all you can to getting to the source of a problem in order to fix it internally?
    Both?
    I actually have quite a lot of experience as a leader of a big organisation, and I totally relate to your question. If someone have ideas or views that I find threatening, I tend to give them more responsibility, to give them a feeling that I trust them, and thus make them trust me more. The result is normally increased harmony. So I would say that I'm using the feeling area quite tactically, and I'm sceptical about other peoples motivations at times. I'm not a fan of big arguments, but I stand my grounds when necessary. I come across as friendly, professional and a bit reserved in times of conflicts, I think. I try to keep an open mind, although I tend to conclude before people are finished talking.
    If someone criticize something, I tend to say "Aha, Ok, I hear you. So you think xxx and xxx? Why don't you prepare a presentation for our next meeting about how we can improve, and what you think needs to be done?" And they're normally happy just being heard. Next meeting they present their stuff enthusiastically, and I normally sum up what I think is the "group will" when everyone's done giving their personal views. I then give my personal view, in a polite gentle way.

    People open up really quickly to me, I'm everybody's therapist and helper. I let it happen, knowing that they're loyal to me in the future. I'm also genuinely interested in listening to and helping people. I feel that other people need help more than I do, and that's probably why other people see me as introvert. I'm quite talkative and active in group settings, but I'm also discreet with my own issues. I don't blurt out all my personal feelings, but I always answer as truthfully as possible when asked. I'm not secretive - and that actually annoys me with some introverts; the secretiveness. I don't actually see the point of being secretive, I don't feel like I should hide much - apart from my strategies, of course.
    I'm an odd mix of strategy and tons of sentimentality
    I can't stop strategizing, but I'm a true softy at the same time

    But now we're probably more in the T/F-field

    I'm very certain with my N and J

  7. #7
    Junior Member Izix's Avatar
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    As far as others' perceptions of your I-ness or E-ness goes, people have such diverse ideas about what that even means (and so frequently the ideas are limited to the behaviour itself rather than the psychological orientation from which it springs), so you'd have to tease that apart before you can take conclusions from it. It also doesn't help that introversion and extroversion aren't really discrete categories, and if you're extroverted there's probably a much more extroverted person who thinks you're an introvert.

    (And FTR, your brief description in this thread sounds ENFx, but I know nothing else about you so take that with as much salt as you will. )
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  8. #8
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    I think your descision on 'e' is a good one.

  9. #9
    Senior Member syndatha's Avatar
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    Thank you so much for the responses
    I'm still considering INFJ - and then I saw a FB-status from one of my INFJ friends, and she's SO secretive :workout:
    Like: "I've made an important decision that will change my life". And all her friends go "What is it! Are you moving back home again" and things like that. She responds: "I can't tell you right now. But it's awsome!"
    I sometimes think it's just a way of making oneself more interesting, and it's downright freaking annoying

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