I am thoroughly confused!
I took the Myers Briggs at the insistence of someone else telling me it can help me decide what to do with my life. Awesome, I need help with that.
Now, I have done tons of research and reading, mostly on different types and what they prefer, how they are on a daily basis. And I am more confused than ever. Here is what I know:
I like to be alone, and do things alone. I am awkward and sometimes aloof in social situations, but can act very confident talking to some people.
I empathize well and can understand where some people are coming from, but I have to know them. It seems like with family and friends I've known a long time, I can understand them better than new people I meet.
I make decisions based on feelings and logic. I know, everyone does. For example, I will go shopping and buy 4 new shirts I think are cute and can afford (barely...I'm bad at managing money) and the next day will return all of them because I don't really need them. I am notorious among friends for returning purchases the next day. A lot of times I won't buy things knowing that I will forget about them if I don't buy it.
I was in a relationship for 3 weeks. The guy really liked me. I could never really figure out why because we had just met. He said "I just can't explain it." Eventually things ended because I kind of felt like he was smothering me and didn't know what to do. He said "time is fine" but it wasn't. I mean...eventually I would just be needing to decide the same thing, whether to be with him or not and that stressed me out. I wasn't sure if I would like someone the same, if they told me all the same nice compliments. And I told him that. I know...cringe with me. It wasn't until I sat down and thought about this that I realized how horrible that is to verbalize. To me, it was just getting out every thought/emotion that was in the way of making the commitment. I couldn't commit knowing I had those thoughts.
I am organized. Everything in my room has a place, and on my good streak, I will put everything away at night. Bad streak means my room stay messy for a week and then I have a massive cleaning. I don't care if I have a basket of junk, as long as the junk looks organized it can stay peacefully in my room.
School meant procrastination. Since middle school, I have been a procrastinator. So much so that by my senior year of college, I would schedule all nighters to write a paper from start to finish. I learned how to do very well on the papers so I was earning A's.
I am scared of what people think of me. I've had many awkward moments with (most introvert) friends because I assume that they judged something I said or did and almost want to clarify for them that I meant something different, or that I'm feeling tension and I don't mean to be so awkward, but I don't know a tactful way to say that.
Perhaps the most perplexing to me is: I went through my high school and some college years feeling like I wasn't good enough. I didn't give myself much credit or push myself because I wasn't sure I could actually finish anything (I guess). I wanted to drink, but couldn't knowing that I was underage. Now I do drink on rare occasions and sometimes just to let loose. I feel like I put off the image that I would never just do "stuff" with guys as one night stands or anything. And I wouldn't. Yet, I have made out with random guys just because I am drunk and they pay attention to me. AHh!! At the same time, I never let it get far because I am "not like that". But there I am, blowing with the f ing wind because someone puts their hand on my back. I can see that my innocent image attracts some people and then it becomes something I'm proud of. And then I'm disgusted that I'm proud of that.
I classified myself as an INFP, but now it seems like I'm not. For example: when I like a boy, I don't make it obvious at all. I try to candidly make eye contact or get close to him, but other than that I am awkward. I read that is typical behavior for INFPs, and when I went out last night I was aware of that. I met a guy who seemed interested in me, so I kind of played with that a little bit. Instead of straying away because I kind of liked him, I let it happen and acted my part.
Almost as if knowing how I am gave me the freedom to change. But ah! I don't want to change. I like the image (I think) people get from me. I'm having many internal battles that I can't even put into words.
OK...that is all. If you've read this far, thanks. For letting me ramble about myself. If you have any insight into this, please let me know