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  1. #1
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    Default Yet another confused INFx

    Hey there. As I mentioned in my forum introduction, I'm an INFx who has been pondering his MBTI type for several weeks (maybe months, I can't recall). I've read Vicky Jo Varner's website, infjorinfp.com, several times, yet I'm still unsure. I was hoping that a more... interactive approach could help. I'll list, then, the "on one hand"s and the "on the other hand"s that have plagued me for waaay too long, in case someone can make heads or tails of my ramblings. Thanks in advance!

    By the way, a bit of the following info is based on an experiment I made last month, wherein I asked a person closed to me about several things - cognitive processes, temperaments, interaction styles, short descriptions, et cetera, in a "which one of these fits me most?" fashion. Just so you know what I'm talking about. I'll call this person "K.C." for convenience.

    Pro-INFP/Anti-INFJ

    * The cognitive processes test I took pegged me as an INFP, apparently because I have pretty good Fi (more on that in a sec).

    * According to K.C., I favor the Informing style (as well as the Behind-the-Scenes pattern), fit INFP profiles (as a whole) better and have good Fi and Ne.

    * I'm somewhat socially awkward, not being a big fan of social conventions that seem too structured or stifling, as well as somewhat clueless about the "social atmosphere" around me, which strikes me as a lack of Fe.

    * I frequently have strong, visceral reactions to things, which often go unspoken. They are also quite ambivalent - for example, I can both appreciate the beauty of a work of art and envy deeply the artist who created it, in a sort of admiration/hatred combination.

    * I don't have much of a social life, which strikes me as low Fe. However, I suspect this might have something to do with the unfamiliarity of studying in a university... though this streak has been going on for four semesters...

    * I identify a lot more with my ISFP mother than with my ESFJ father - the latter comes across as pretty damn judgmental and controlling, like a "Jewish mother" stereotype. (Fi vs. Fe?)

    * I often do my best to be tolerant toward people and respectful in regard to their emotions (Fe seems a bit more like, "shape up, dude!", according to Vicky Jo)

    * I don't usually celebrate holidays as eagerly as my relatives, which, according to Vicky Jo, comes across as a lack of Fe...

    * I'm mostly a "live and let live"/"that is none of my business" kind of person. I'm ready to help (if asked nicely ), but I don't want to interfere too much in people's decisions (the "for your own good" line is not my favorite)

    * I couldn't be mistaken for an extravert if I tried. Quite a few INFJ profiles (and INFJs themselves) mention being mistaken for an extravert, so I thought this was worth noting. I'm very reserved - a bit of a shrinking violet, even - and have a bit of a struggle doing small talk - it was one of those this they had to teach me, y'know?

    * I've struggled with my typing for quite a while, which, according to Vicky Jo, is a pretty good sign that I have a lack of Je (extraverted judging).

    * Even when I'm pretty pissed at someone, I find it hard to scold them (especially since I hate being scolded). I've heard INFJs are more comfortable criticizing others, so...

    * I'm pretty damn sheepish when asking for something. Unless it's a matter of urgency, I'm all like "um... could you please... y'know... if it's not too much of a bother..."

    * I react (internally) pretty badly when people are being judgmental - for example, when someone talks about "those crazy teenagers with pink hair" and whatnot.

    Pro-INFJ/Anti-INFP

    * According to K.C., I fit the "INJ child" profile better than the "IFP child" one; also, s/he was pretty confident about me fitting the INFJ description from this page, as well as Vicky Jo's description of how Ni and Fe "show up".

    * I very much fear embarrassment/humiliation - in this sense, I really mind how people perceive me. Could this be Fe?

    * I often try to be polite in a conventional way - "please" and "thank you" and all that jazz. I even started bowing to bus drivers for a while, but my parents thought it was weird and didn't convey gratitude in a sense they could understand (again, Fe?).

    * I'm quite perfectionistic, which I've heard is a trait common among Js. I often berate myself if I miss deadlines or arrive late at appointments.

    * I often identify more with ENFJs than ENFPs. The latter - or, at least, media depictions of the latter - often annoy me, seeming either oblivious to others' feelings or sneakily meddlesome, ready to "bring people out of their shells" or "make them live life more fully", in addition to being those "Wooo... what does this button do?" types. I'm pretty sure that's quite stereotypical, but I thought it might be useful info nevertheless.

    * I'm a bit of a "toe the line", rule-abiding kind of guy - the kind that almost never got in trouble at school. (However, I'm ostensibly not a SJ - the Guardian style sometimes seems kinda dry or humdrum to me.)

    * I'm somewhat selective about what I tell people, often looking out for their reactions. From what I've read, NFPs have more of a childlike candor about them. However, it is quite difficult for me to lie, so I just keep my mouth shut.

    * Someone in this forum once mentioned that NFPs approach eagerly those "fleeting moments of connection" with somebody, even if they might never see them again. That doesn't sound appealing to me... I'm on the lookout for constancy and reliability - even though I fear deeply that I might not provide the commitment I seek.

    * I often think I "should" feel a certain way, that "there is no reason" for me to have a certain feeling. Sometimes it makes me more even-tempered - which is a good thing - and sometimes it makes me deny myself the pleasure of "knowing what I want" - which kind of isn't. On a related note...

    * I seldom express my opinions - even denying that I have any. They ask me, "where do you want to have lunch?", I say, "I dunno. You?", partially because they have plenty of divergent opinions without my help.

    * I've been called "rigid" due to my OCD-ish behavior, as well as my misguided politeness ("I won't eat until she arrives. You guys can start without me.")

    * I'm pretty neurotic about time. My watch is my guide through the strange world I inhabit, and I've made a habit out of using an alarm clock on weekends (partially because there are few things more humiliating than hearing someone say "hey there, sleepyhead!")

    * I don't often find myself in an "activist" position, since I'm reticent about speaking my mind - when I actually have an opinion, that is. In this case, it's not so much about "hurting feelings" as it is about "creating dischord and opposition".

    * I often ask myself whether or not I'm being selfish, so I try my best to be helpful and even somewhat obsequious (Fe?) For that matter, I often feel like I owe people something, if that makes any sense.

    * I don't often rail against The System or The Man or The Industry like it seems many INFPs do - though I do acknowledge that innovation is sometimes frowned upon in entertainment fields (then again, maybe it's just one of those INFP stereotypes...)

    * My Si is pretty terrible, leading me to think maybe it's my worst function (as in the Berens model)

    * I'm no good at the whole "spontaneity" thing. Like, at all. Kind of an uptight guy.

    * While I can be somewhat over-sensitive to people's comments, I don't come across as someone who's very emotional or vulnerable at first glance (according to Vicky Jo, INFPs often forget to hide their vulnerability)

    * Sometimes, my internal lanscape can feel somewhat barren, to the point where I once thought I was a sociopath or something like that (could this be the infamous INFJ Tin Man Syndrome?)

    * I often try to anticipate what I (and others) are going to do - I get kind of nervous when we go out for dinner and start driving without knowing where we're going.

    * It's kind of hard for me to really relax. While I'm somewhat lazy, I'm not nearly as "go with the flow" as INFP are said to be.

    * While INFPs (according, again, to Vicky Jo) like debating (due to aspirational Te), I kind of bristle at the thought of doing so, especially in a public forum (as in an actual place, not just on the 'net)

    I admit that some of the things said above are kind of stereotypical, so I'm hoping to debunk some myths along the way in this discussion. Also, feel free to ask for details or to ask more questions!


    So, what do you guys make of this? Any feedback is deeply appreciated. Thank you.

    Disclaimer: I do not want to create another Fi/Fe sixty-pages-long debate; I'm just asking for feedback from people with more experience than me.

  2. #2
    Junior Member silvermist's Avatar
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    I'm not sure of your type, either, but I'm an INFP and my mom is an INFJ, so I have a fair amount of experience with both types. Thought I'd post my comments.

    * I don't have much of a social life, which strikes me as low Fe.
    Could be just strong Introversion, or related to circumstances as you mentioned.

    * I often do my best to be tolerant toward people and respectful in regard to their emotions (Fe seems a bit more like, "shape up, dude!", according to Vicky Jo)
    Yes, but I think Fe is mainly involved in being aware of others' feelings & acting accordingly. Not to say that Fi users can't do the same.

    * I don't usually celebrate holidays as eagerly as my relatives, which, according to Vicky Jo, comes across as a lack of Fe...
    My mom likes celebrating the holidays, but only in ways that are meaningful to her. She is not into holiday hype, or tradition simply for tradition's sake. This is very different from our SJ relatives, so probably to their eyes she isn't as "excited" about holidays.

    * I've struggled with my typing for quite a while, which, according to Vicky Jo, is a pretty good sign that I have a lack of Je (extraverted judging).
    I don't think it implies lack of Judging. Uncertainty about your type could be caused by a lot of things.
    In my experience, Judgers SEEK conclusions, but whether they get them easily or not is another story.

    * I often think I "should" feel a certain way, that "there is no reason" for me to have a certain feeling. Sometimes it makes me more even-tempered - which is a good thing - and sometimes it makes me deny myself the pleasure of "knowing what I want" - which kind of isn't.
    I have never experienced this. I might ponder why I have a certain feeling if it's unusual, but I'm always accepting it throughout. So maybe what you are describing is something more Judging.

    * I'm no good at the whole "spontaneity" thing. Like, at all. Kind of an uptight guy.
    I do think that is probably judging. I've met responsible & fairly deliberate Perceivers, but all Perceivers seem to be spontaneous in SOME area.
    However, it depends how you're defining "spontaneity". It could be a lack of Extraversion. I am NOT spontaneous in social situations. But I AM spontaneous & flexible when it comes to solo activities.

    * While I can be somewhat over-sensitive to people's comments, I don't come across as someone who's very emotional or vulnerable at first glance (according to Vicky Jo, INFPs often forget to hide their vulnerability)
    Under normal circumstances, INFP's don't look vulnerable or emotional. We tend to hide our feelings. Actually, I've had to work on expressing them instead, in order to communicate better with people.

    * While INFPs (according, again, to Vicky Jo) like debating (due to aspirational Te), I kind of bristle at the thought of doing so, especially in a public forum (as in an actual place, not just on the 'net)
    I do have aspirational Te. I've love to be good at debating, but I can't stand the conflict of it. ESPECIALLY in a public forum like you say. So I don't think debating is really an INFP thing. (discussions are a different story)


    A couple questions for you:

    Is your way of thinking and/or talking circuitous, wandering from one point to the next, sometimes without a definite conclusion?

    You mentioned you're "perfectionistic"; is this in a lot of areas or just a few things that are really important to you?

    Do you tend to finish projects? (I know this sounds kind of trivial, but in my experience finishing things seems to be important to INFJ's and a big weakness for INFP's)

    Feel free to ask me any questions.

  3. #3
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    Quick judgment, you sound more INFP than INFJ. There are quite a number of threads on the INFx so look around, though I have to say that there are many who don't agree with Vicky Jo's site

    Anyway, on to more specific parts of your self-assessment. A lot of what you deem as Anti-INFP actually can be found in INFPs

    Quote Originally Posted by Viridian View Post
    * I very much fear embarrassment/humiliation - in this sense, I really mind how people perceive me. Could this be Fe?
    Don't think this has much to do with Fe/i. This is more introversion or even shyness.

    Quote Originally Posted by Viridian View Post
    * I often try to be polite in a conventional way - "please" and "thank you" and all that jazz. I even started bowing to bus drivers for a while, but my parents thought it was weird and didn't convey gratitude in a sense they could understand (again, Fe?).
    Fi is about internal values. If you value being polite, then you will act politely. Besides, in today's society, being polite seems more like the oddity than the norm. Of course, this is also culture-related depending on where you live.

    Quote Originally Posted by Viridian View Post
    * I'm somewhat selective about what I tell people, often looking out for their reactions. From what I've read, NFPs have more of a childlike candor about them. However, it is quite difficult for me to lie, so I just keep my mouth shut.
    A lot of INFPs are very secretive and protective of their opinions and feelings, as Silvermist mentions above. Unless you trip some core value, then watch out!

    Quote Originally Posted by Viridian View Post
    * I often think I "should" feel a certain way, that "there is no reason" for me to have a certain feeling. Sometimes it makes me more even-tempered - which is a good thing - and sometimes it makes me deny myself the pleasure of "knowing what I want" - which kind of isn't. On a related note...
    This sounds Fi actually if you mean that "there is no logical reason" for me to have a certain feeling.

    Quote Originally Posted by Viridian View Post
    * I seldom express my opinions - even denying that I have any. They ask me, "where do you want to have lunch?", I say, "I dunno. You?", partially because they have plenty of divergent opinions without my help.
    This sounds P more than J

    Quote Originally Posted by Viridian View Post
    * I've been called "rigid" due to my OCD-ish behavior, as well as my misguided politeness ("I won't eat until she arrives. You guys can start without me.")
    Again, if this is a core value that is important to you, INFPs can be extremely stubborn

    Quote Originally Posted by Viridian View Post
    * I don't often find myself in an "activist" position, since I'm reticent about speaking my mind - when I actually have an opinion, that is. In this case, it's not so much about "hurting feelings" as it is about "creating dischord and opposition".
    Ditto about core values. INFPs are not 24/7 crusaders. Only for very specific causes

    Quote Originally Posted by Viridian View Post
    * I'm no good at the whole "spontaneity" thing. Like, at all. Kind of an uptight guy.
    More an I thing

    Quote Originally Posted by Viridian View Post
    * While INFPs (according, again, to Vicky Jo) like debating (due to aspirational Te), I kind of bristle at the thought of doing so, especially in a public forum (as in an actual place, not just on the 'net)
    INFPs like debating? What's your definition of debating? While I enjoy N-type discussions and throwing out new ideas and stuff, I tend to shy away from the "I'm right, you're an idiot" type of debates.

    After reading through the whole post, why do you think you are an Intuitive? Have you considered ISFP?
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

  4. #4
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    Thanks for the responses, guys! Lots o' good stuff in there. To be frank, I've classified myself in the past as INTJ, INTP, ISTJ, ISFJ... At least half the introverted types, for several different reasons.

    I'll expand upon some specific points:




    Quote Originally Posted by silvermist View Post
    I do think that is probably judging. I've met responsible & fairly deliberate Perceivers, but all Perceivers seem to be spontaneous in SOME area.
    However, it depends how you're defining "spontaneity". It could be a lack of Extraversion. I am NOT spontaneous in social situations. But I AM spontaneous & flexible when it comes to solo activities.
    Well, isn't that the million-dollar question. While I kind of leap from one activity to another (read a little, then check out my e-mail, then read some more, etc.), I have a method in my madness: for example, I seldom leave books unfinished, even if the reading is kind of "wading along" - exception made for some texts I have to read for college, a true token to my procrastination abilities. I also try not to bite off more than I can chew - right now, I'm reading four different manga series, and I plan to delay reading one more until I get to the meat of those, otherwise I might get a little too scattered, if you understand what I mean. (some enneagram 5 stuff here?)



    Quote Originally Posted by silvermist View Post
    Under normal circumstances, INFP's don't look vulnerable or emotional. We tend to hide our feelings. Actually, I've had to work on expressing them instead, in order to communicate better with people.
    Yeah, I get your drift, but it's not just a matter of hiding feelings - I get so neurotic about the consequences of accepting them as genuine that I detach way too much - which I guess could be the Fe-Ti combo working its "magic". ("What if I actually dislike what I'm currently doing? I have no idea what else I could do, and even then it takes a helluva lot of work...")


    Quote Originally Posted by silvermist View Post
    I do have aspirational Te. I've love to be good at debating, but I can't stand the conflict of it. ESPECIALLY in a public forum like you say. So I don't think debating is really an INFP thing. (discussions are a different story)
    Hmmm... that could explain my secret attraction to the legal profession as an iconic, abstract concept [translation = Ace Attorney fanboy]. When I see those lawyers on TV, though... let's just say I feel like overruling somebody.

    Quote Originally Posted by silvermist View Post
    A couple questions for you:

    Is your way of thinking and/or talking circuitous, wandering from one point to the next, sometimes without a definite conclusion?
    Hard to say... usually I have some sort of thing to say (otherwise, I make pretty damn scattered and/or artificial-sounding small talk), but I kind of shrink when it comes to actually demanding something.

    Quote Originally Posted by silvermist View Post
    You mentioned you're "perfectionistic"; is this in a lot of areas or just a few things that are really important to you?
    Lessee... usually, my effort on things that don't interest me is kind of half-hearted, but I genuinely seek the approval of those who evaluate me (literally or figuratively). When I get a low grade or a negative response, I get all, "Viridian, you idiot! Curse your empty brain!"

    Quote Originally Posted by silvermist View Post
    Do you tend to finish projects? (I know this sounds kind of trivial, but in my experience finishing things seems to be important to INFJ's and a big weakness for INFP's)
    I try to - if for no other reason, to avoid humiliation or disgrace (god, I'm so melodramatic :rolli. Procrastinate, do things in a bit of a rush, get a good grade and compliments anyway, feel like an imposter, lather, rinse, repeat.

    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    Quick judgment, you sound more INFP than INFJ. There are quite a number of threads on the INFx so look around, though I have to say that there are many who don't agree with Vicky Jo's site
    Yeah, I do realize. I know she's kind of an expert, but some of VJ's ideas seem... peculiar. I suppose she might emphasize a little too much the "social convention" aspect of Fe. And I've read the threads, but there ain't nuffin like a hands-on experience - having some good ol' feedback, y'know?

    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    Anyway, on to more specific parts of your self-assessment. A lot of what you deem as Anti-INFP actually can be found in INFPs
    By the way, I didn't want to use the phrase "anti-INFP", but I had no other way of saying what I wanted to say. So, sorry about that.

    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    Don't think this has much to do with Fe/i. This is more introversion or even shyness.
    Yeah, I suppose. And I'm likely an Enneatype 5w4, so there's also that...

    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    Fi is about internal values. If you value being polite, then you will act politely. Besides, in today's society, being polite seems more like the oddity than the norm. Of course, this is also culture-related depending on where you live.
    Tell. Me. About it. My brother keeps teasing me about saying "thank you" and "excuse me", like he's the boss of me. And here in the mystical land known as Brazil, things are even more informal than in the US. I have a bit of a "gentleman complex", I guess...

    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    A lot of INFPs are very secretive and protective of their opinions and feelings, as Silvermist mentions above. Unless you trip some core value, then watch out!
    And, even when they do, I feel powerless to speak out. Uncomfortable, yes. But not so much I explode in their face or anything. The other day, after a couple of glasses of wine, this guy at a social occasion started ranting about homosexuals and black people and whatnot, and I felt like, "Am I seriously understanding this right? Am I missing something?". But I know, somehow, the minute I raise an objection, all eyes will be on me and I will melt like a wax model of Margaret Hamilton in the sun, longing only to escape the nightmare I got myself into (Paranoid? Me?)

    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    This sounds Fi actually if you mean that "there is no logical reason" for me to have a certain feeling.
    Could you elaborate a little, please? I'm curious, as this seems to contradict the "listen to your heart" vibe I get from Fi descriptions.

    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    This sounds P more than J.
    Yeah, but the thing is, if I add my opinion to the bunch, we get stuck in a Mexican standoff of suggestions and the "Poor me" game begins. If you know an ESFJ, you most likely get my drift.

    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    Again, if this is a core value that is important to you, INFPs can be extremely stubborn
    Point taken. I felt hungry after a while, but I felt it was only fair to those who were coming to the dinner...

    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    Ditto about core values. INFPs are not 24/7 crusaders. Only for very specific causes.
    OK, I see. Though I think my idea of "harmony" is more like "preventing a catastrophe" than "feeling serene". As you've probably guessed by now, I'm kind of neurotic - at my worse, I make Woody Allen look like a hippie.

    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    More an I thing
    I guess... Mind you, I base quite a few of my conceptions of INFPs on ENFPs, as I said before. They're more frequent in fictional works - you know, the part usually played by Zooey Deschanel in movies, that drags you into the colorful world of Ne to save you from the dull, gray curse of SJdom. (Just kidding, I heart SJs - when they aren't intolerant or bigoted, of course)

    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    INFPs like debating? What's your definition of debating? While I enjoy N-type discussions and throwing out new ideas and stuff, I tend to shy away from the "I'm right, you're an idiot" type of debates.
    Fun anecdote: a few days ago, I watched Kramer vs. Kramer. The courtroom scene made me want to stick my head in a bucket of ice for sixteen hours. Do lawyers really shout, point and accuse people that much in real life?

    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    After reading through the whole post, why do you think you are an Intuitive? Have you considered ISFP?
    I dunno... I don't think it fits. My mother is an ISFP and she's much more practical, laid-back and spontaneous than me. When she asked me what was the point of studying MBTI, I pretty much said nothing - the very notion that something had to be "practical" for me to be fascinated by it had, at no point, crossed my mind.

    Once again, thanks, guys! Really, your help means a lot to me. And sorry if I took too long to respond - I'm still learning forum HTML on the fly.

  5. #5
    Junior Member silvermist's Avatar
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    OK, I think you're an INFJ. Can't be sure yet.

    But, re-reading your original post, I think a lot of the Pro-INFP statements could be related to Introversion or Fe.

    And, the answers you recently posted seem to indicate Judging. Like trying to finish things, and having a "method to your madness".

    I think the "Fe/Ti loop" is a very plausible explanation for being conflicted over feelings.

    About values being threatened:

    And, even when they do, I feel powerless to speak out. Uncomfortable, yes. But not so much I explode in their face or anything.
    In that kind of case I think INFP's tend to "explode", focusing on their own feelings and values to be defended, instead of how others would perceive them. You seem to stay aware of how others might view you (Fe?).

    I'm a bit short on time right now, but I'll post later if I think of anything.

    You might check out PersonalityPage's INFP & INFJ type descriptions--I've found them to be quite accurate.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    Thanks for the response, silvermist! Frankly, I've been suspecting, in the last few weeks, that I'm actually an INFJ with a severe case of INFP Envy. Whenever I read one of those Fe/Fi threads (or try to, since the conflict makes me reach for the bottle), it always seems like NFJs (or FJs in general) are a) judgmental, b) Stepfordish, c) conformistic, d) invalidating, e) mean or f) all of the above; NFPs, on the other hand, look like cherubs whose tears makes orchids grow and whose voice creates rainbows. Silly, I know, but I keep eyeing that supposed purity with green eyes, like it's something I yearn for but can never have (hello, 4 wing!).

    You know, it's funny - INFPs are the ones described as commonly having low self-esteem, but INFJs are the ones I'd have pegged as shy, since they both attempt to measure themselves by an external standard and have a knee-jerk revulsion towards the external world due to inferior Se. If anything, I'd expect the INFPs to have confidence in themselves, since Fi ensures they have a "center". With Fe/Ti, one seldom knows which thoughts and feelings are his/hers and which belong to others - or rather, to an Other, which can be a person, an institution, an abstract, amorphous mass of social norms, et cetera. Maybe the fact that I'm pretty vulnerable to guilt-tripping is indicative of Fe?

    On the whole "exploding" thing: I'm not sure I phrased it the way I wanted. When I'm rattled, I try to remain calm to avoid conflict or embarassment, but the bottled anger/fear/nervousness comes out in less overt ways - I get fidgety, clench my fists, my neck gets all tense, and my teeth start grinding. Long story short, I look like an Ace Attorney villain after you find a hole in their alibi. :rolli:

    I'm still kind of unsure, but I'm really enjoying the thread and the feedback. You guys are awesome.

  7. #7
    Junior Member silvermist's Avatar
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    Aw, thanks! Figuring out type can be a LONG process, but feedback can really help.

    I just read some more about Fe...

    "Often ... we feel pulled to be responsible and take care of others’ feelings, sometimes to the point of not separating our feelings from theirs."

    Does that sound like you?

    About Fe impressions...maybe you are also thinking of Fe paired with Si? I've found Fe paired with Ni to be very different.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by silvermist View Post
    Aw, thanks! Figuring out type can be a LONG process, but feedback can really help.
    You can say that again!

    Quote Originally Posted by silvermist View Post
    I just read some more about Fe...

    "Often ... we feel pulled to be responsible and take care of others’ feelings, sometimes to the point of not separating our feelings from theirs."

    Does that sound like you?
    Well, it's... complicated. I yearn not to disappoint others and to treat them with great respect, but I don't know if I'd call that "caretaking". I'm pretty careful about both guessing what others are feeling and respecting their boundaries. Otherwise, I could end up projecting too much or being meddlesome (and, frankly, I don't look forward to being a young male version of Mary Worth).

    As I implied before, I have the habit of repressing my feelings and urges in order to be responsible and avoid butting heads, to the point where I kind of deny that I have preferences or opinions at all when interacting with others. I realize that my feelings are mine alone, and that one has to be realistic in order not to be humiliated or disappointed by the outer world. Plus, I keep wondering what impact I'm having on others, but my true feelings can often show up in my body language, so my words may end up sounding kind of hollow. To avoid "blowing up", I detach - not in the sense of being Dr. Spock-ish, but in the sense of expressing ambiguity about my own views and trying not to be contentious. Is that Fe?

    Quote Originally Posted by silvermist View Post
    About Fe impressions...maybe you are also thinking of Fe paired with Si? I've found Fe paired with Ni to be very different.
    Could be... I have mastered the noble art of Passive-Agressive Ninjutsu thanks to my ESFJ dad. However, I shall be careful about making generalizations about SFJs, as I have great respect for their positive aspects.

    Some other stuff that I thought about recently:

    Here's the thing - from my occasional observations, it seems Fi users are more often conflicted in the sense of knowing exactly what they want but being crushed by reality, whereas I, well... You know how they say someone is a "judge, jury and executioner" kind of person? Well, in my head, I'm the judge, the jury, the defense attorney, the prosecutor, the defendant, the bailiff, the eyewitness, the expert witness and the extras who gasp and murmur when a plot twist happens. The battle isn't out there - it's here in my noggin. If you want to know what I want, I'm probably going to be kind of vague - I'm still figuring it out, partly because I "internalize" so many outside voices.

    While, as I mentioned, I envy the purity seen in many INFPs to the point of resentment (sorry, guys - but you're still awesome, for real!), I'm often too driven by external opinion to "speak out". When I see someone who is not afraid to express his/her values - like, say, Hayao Miyazaki, god of animation - I feel like a hack and a coward and a brown-noser. But I can't help it - I never have the conviction that I can win an argument, and the fear of losing face overwhelms me. I kind of want to express something, but I second-guess myself a lot, despite being somewhat rigid and a wee bit stubborn. Blech.

    Again, thanks, silvermist. Your responses mean a lot to me.

    (Whoa, speak of the devil! EW has made another Fe/Fi thread, this time focusing on the perilious subject of loyalty! Better get the martinis.)

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    Hi, I'm here being oblivious to others' feelings and sneakily meddlesome about bringing others out of their shells (no, really, I'm like that I admit it and am not being snide) and I'm here to tell you that certain INFPs bug me as much as you say ENFPs can bug you. It doesn't make you INFJ.

    You sound INFP, and just to let you know, the collective you also has about as much of a chance of being INFJ as being tomorrow's Power Ball winner.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    Hi, I'm here being oblivious to others' feelings and sneakily meddlesome about bringing others out of their shells (no, really, I'm like that I admit it and am not being snide) and I'm here to tell you that certain INFPs bug me as much as you say ENFPs can bug you. It doesn't make you INFJ.
    Hee hee. Sorry if I offended you. I mean it. Didn't want to hurt your feelings or anything. There are quite a few ENFPs I find very, very awesome, like, say, Luis Molina from Kiss of the Spider Woman (he was an ENFP, right?). I just get kinda peeved when the SJ who wants to live an orderly life is shown to be "wrong" in these movies - why is there supposed to be just one way to live your life? Ahem. Rant over.

    I'm quite curious - what peeves you about these INFPs?

    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    You sound INFP, and just to let you know, the collective you also has about as much of a chance of being INFJ as being tomorrow's Power Ball winner.
    What do you mean by "the collective me"? Could you please elaborate?

    Also, thanks for answering the thread. And sorry, one more time, if I offended you. Or Zooey Deschanel. Or both.

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