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  1. #1
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    Default Please help me type a guy..

    Hi everybody,

    It's been a while since the last time I visited this forum. About half a year ago I stumbled onto this forum over a guy that toyed with my heart, and you all were very helpful in providing advices/insights, and showing me the brighter side of things. I finally was able to drag myself out of the obsessive/depressive stage, and mentally recovered to the point where I can enjoy going out and meeting new people and going on dates.

    After a slew of first dates that didn't click, I am finally happy that I found a guy that I can proudly call my boyfriend. I met him in one of my classes, and after one lunch and a night out together, we were immediately drawn to each other. The only downside is that he is an exchange student at my university, and will go back to his country at the end of December. As such, I had initially taken this as a light-hearted relationship. But after one month of talking to each other daily and seeing each other 3 days a week, I have grown to really like him, and I sense the same from him as well.

    We have talked about the future, and though he was honest to tell me that every long distance relationship he has been in (he has lived in many places before), it has failed because of the distance, so he cannot promise me anything concrete. But he told me he has the intention of making it work beyond December, and that is all I can ask for right now.

    But as mentioned before, he is different from me in many aspects, and I want to understand him as much as I can. He is a Feeler for sure, my intuition tells me NF than SF, but I am not 100% clear on that. Below are some of his personalities:
    • Never late to anything (must be a German thing)
    • Treasures his family
    • Younger of the two male brothers
    • Travels extensively (goes to school in one place, works at another, goes on an exchange program at yet another place, etc.)
    • Was bullied until he was 16, when he started growing taller and became popular
    • Secretly a bookworm, reading lots of practical books (how to read people, autobiography of political figures) as opposed to novels
    • Incredibly generous and tolerant, or conflict-avoidant (in his own words)
    • People-focused (studying business, believes in the power of organization, likes to party more and meet people at new places than to see places, etc.)
    • Presents a more smooth grown-up womanizer guy persona, but secretly a softie and a shy guy, has a boy-ish smile
    • Indirect in expressing affectionate feelings (no explicit statement of affection, but will drop cute lines here and there), but will not hesitate to tell me when I am about to push his boundaries
    • Can be protective of me at times
    • Talented in picking out accessories and shoes
    • Likes to dress up in ZARA clothes, definitely has some soft-spoken feminine side to him
    • mentioned to me on multiple occasions that he was not the player type, and that getting out of relationships is not easy for him


    What is so amazing about him is the fact that he is not overbearing at all. From previous experiences, I have become accustomed to assume the giver role, but at the same time, I got used to playing silly little mind games like keeping track of who initiates a conversation and making sure the balance is not slanted, etc. But with him things like that do not matter at all, and I am only learning to fully embrace that kind of unassuming love.

    But inevitably we communicate in different ways. I am more direct, open, and frequent with my communication. For example, I have asked him several times over the course of the relationship whether the current frequency of communication was too much/too little for him (because I would want to spend as much time as possible with him, but obviously that may be too much for some people, so I asked him to tell me if it gets stifling and I would not be offended). He never directly answers that question. Instead, just gives me a warm smile, pats me on the back of my head, and tells me "You're cute" for asking that question.

    So I sometimes cannot help but wonder if I am missing any cues or signals. It'd be great if I can get your opinion on his personality, and understand how people of that type tend to express their feelings, etc.

    Thanks for reading such a long post, and have a great weekend (what's left of it .

  2. #2
    Member Torai's Avatar
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    These parties that he goes to, dis he usually comfortable staying for the whole event, or does he need some alone time?

  3. #3
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    He always goes to parties with his guy friends and hangs out with them the whole night.

    He enjoys meeting new people (particularly girls) there, but would usually not initiate anything. Last time I met up with he and his friends at a club, he was just dancing with his friends the whole time before I got there. He would stay for the whole event though.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    No offense - but the descriptions you give me of this guy don't really help me identify his type. Maybe you'll find that others respond differently... The problem is that many of the descriptors could apply to anyone. I'm actually pretty successful at typing but I specialize more in Enneagram. If you could identify his enneagram type, you could probably figure out his M-B type (or visa versa)

    So, here is what's problematic:
    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    Never late to anything (must be a German thing)
    This could point to Enneagram (E) Type One, Six, Three or most any type since it could be a cultural thing. I'm German and I'm NEVER late.
    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    Treasures his family
    Irrelevant. Doesn't really indicate personality type. What do you mean by treasures his family? How? And in what way? Does he give gifts? Or sympathize with their problems? Could mean different things.
    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    Younger of the two male brothers
    Irrelevant. Doesn't indicate type.
    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    Travels extensively (goes to school in one place, works at another, goes on an exchange program at yet another place, etc.)
    Doesn't mean anything significant.
    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    Was bullied until he was 16, when he started growing taller and became popular
    Irrelevant. Common experience of many different types.
    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    Secretly a bookworm, reading lots of practical books (how to read people, autobiography of political figures) as opposed to novels
    Hmmm. Could possibly (only possibly) mean he's a Five -- however a lot of people read. And men tend to read more nonfiction rather than fiction. What do you mean, secretly a bookworm? Why is it a secret?
    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    Incredibly generous and tolerant, or conflict-avoidant (in his own words)
    Not clear cut here. Sounds NF. Not NT - NTs generally comfortable with conflict. Could be Enneagram Type Three, Five, Seven, Nine. Would correspond with XNFP, XSFP, XNFJ (maybe)
    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    People-focused (studying business, believes in the power of organization, likes to party more and meet people at new places than to see places, etc.)
    Wild guess: Enneagram Type 3 or 7, ENFJ or ENFP
    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    Presents a more smooth grown-up womanizer guy persona, but secretly a softie and a shy guy, has a boy-ish smile.
    Enneagram Type 3/ENFJ - not enough info here to really make an educated guess.
    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    Indirect in expressing affectionate feelings (no explicit statement of affection, but will drop cute lines here and there), but will not hesitate to tell me when I am about to push his boundaries
    This is not clear. Men are often indirect when expressing feelings also. Also, many people will assert themselves when boundaries are pushed - especially healthy people.
    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    Can be protective of me at times
    Doesn't tell me much.
    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    Talented in picking out accessories and shoes
    Type: GAY? Just joking.
    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    Likes to dress up in ZARA clothes, definitely has some soft-spoken feminine side to him
    Type: GAY? Just joking
    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    mentioned to me on multiple occasions that he was not the player type, and that getting out of relationships is not easy for him
    The inner cynic in me wonders why he has to reinterate that point over and over again. Behavior speaks louder than what is said.

    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    But inevitably we communicate in different ways. I am more direct, open, and frequent with my communication. For example, I have asked him several times over the course of the relationship whether the current frequency of communication was too much/too little for him (because I would want to spend as much time as possible with him, but obviously that may be too much for some people, so I asked him to tell me if it gets stifling and I would not be offended). He never directly answers that question.

    Instead, just gives me a warm smile, pats me on the back of my head, and tells me "You're cute" for asking that question.
    My intuition is that he is an NF and he doesn't want to hurt your feelings even though he might think it's too much for him. Why doesn't he give a direct answer "Yes' or No"? It's a pretty simple question.

    Quote Originally Posted by lasdf23 View Post
    It'd be great if I can get your opinion on his personality, and understand how people of that type tend to express their feelings, etc.
    His type is not clear to me. Perhaps you can get him to take an Enneagram or M-B test. That would probably be a more reliable indicator.
    Last edited by Onceajoan; 11-09-2010 at 12:01 AM. Reason: typo, code mistakes

  5. #5
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    I'm going to guess ENFJ and Enneagram 2w3

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