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View Poll Results: ENFJ or ESFJ?

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Thread: ENFJ or ESFJ?

  1. #1
    Senior Member DJAchtundvierzig's Avatar
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    Default ENFJ or ESFJ?

    I have known this person for 15 years, and I still cannot figure out if this person is an ENFJ or an ESFJ... I really don't know where to start for backround info, so it would be great if you guys could just ask questions.

  2. #2
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    I don't want to get too stereotypical, but two ENFJs I know have no concept of "normal" (just like me), while ESFJs can say something under their breath or disapprove of superficialities. They eventually might not be mean, and will get over it.. but not without thinking like that at first. "That's weird.." "That's crazy." It could something as stupid as some new type of person at a social gathering or a picture of one of Lady Gaga's new dresses. I've never had to worry about seeing eye to an eye with ENFJ about "normal" or cultural issues. They make people feel welcomed on that level. OTOH, they're kind of gloomy with general moral issues (like myself). A definite air of seriousness there. They'll speak in private about things that bring them down in a general sense. About what's wrong with the world entirely, yet never sweating the specifics or small differences. I don't want to put words in the mouth of ENFJs, but the two I know have big hearts.. one's a corporate leader for a charity, the other a psychogist.. yet they'll say "I hate people." ESFJs vent about specific people or screwups. I never hear bigger philosophical sort of complaints. Also, ESFJs seem to make it pretty noticable for some reason. I'll never see the ENFJs sigh just around anyone.

  3. #3
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    I've never had to worry about seeing eye to an eye with ENFJ about "normal" or cultural issues.
    haha well i know an ENFJ (tested and self-affirmed) who kind of breaks this stereotype. but she's interesting in how she goes about it - she certainly understands different cultures and is interested in them and where they're coming from, but she has what i think of as "high standards". for people in our culture, she is quite particular. i think in her eyes it's like most people are aware of how to be socially competent, yet just choose not to be. i have a much higher weird tolerance - i am more likely to see it as cute and/or interesting. she has a higher asshole tolerance than i do, but a lower weird/awkward tolerance.

    whereas my mom is ESFJ and i think she disapproves of some other cultures a bit more, but mostly in the sense that it takes her a little while longer to warm up to them. she normally really likes most people in person, and will tend to condemn more about someone just being an asshole than not living up to being socially competent (though is very quick to notice lack of social competence - just is less condemning about it) than the aforementioned ENFJ will.

    I don't want to put words in the mouth of ENFJs, but the two I know have big hearts.. one's a corporate leader for a charity, the other a psychogist.. yet they'll say "I hate people." ESFJs vent about specific people or screwups. I never hear bigger philosophical sort of complaints.
    lol! agree here

    i think both seem to keep their hangups hidden in a deep place, too.

    so DJ, do you know how this person goes about studying, or learning something new? a really big difference is that ESFJs almost always are very detail focused and start bottom-up (from smaller concepts to broad), while ENFJs are more big-picture focused and start top down (from broad concepts to small detail).

    i think how they attend to practical matters is a difference too. both, being Js, will do pretty well keeping up with paperwork and stuff, but i feel like ENFJs are normally more work-resistant. more likely to complain about it. ESFJs seem to be more okay with putting in the legwork, even if they don't really like it either.

  4. #4
    Senior Member DJAchtundvierzig's Avatar
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    Okay, hahaha, I've got my answer. ENFJ. Skylights, thanks for your post it helped. And KDude, your post is appriciated as well.

  5. #5
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    no problem, glad you figured it out!

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