I used to type as ENFP all of the time. But I feel as though I've lost the idealist in me. (Blame it on years of romantic let down perhaps?) Maybe I am depressed. Jaded. Bitter. Disenchanted. Anyway, before I was on a mission to make myself well rounded. To balance myself as much as possible. Maybe my supposed identity crisis is a product of that. My friend thinks I'm not really ENFP. But then I would have no clue what I was, really. I think I'm too highstrung and not laid back enough to be an ENTP. I think I am too messy and scattered to be an ENFJ. Or maybe I am none of these whatsoever.
I'm really not sure what to mention about myself. The only constant my entire life has been my messiness. You should seriously see my living quarters. Embarassing. I have lots of crap I can't seem to part with for sentimental reasons. I attach memories to lots of things. No, I'm not a hoarder. Sometimes it looks as though I have A.D.D. But there wasn't enough evidence for my doctor. Though he did say I have OCD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. OCD makes me second guess everything and makes me anxious, which causes me to overanalyze. GAD supposedly makes me appear like I have a lack of focus. (A.D.D. symptoms) Anyway so far...so we have messy, overanalytical, anxious, lack of focus.
Growing up, I did well in school, until I hit high school. I didn't wish to be around "those people." I often stared out windows and wished I was elsewhere. So my grades slipped. Didn't really read much. But I liked and wrote poetry, was dreamery, wanted adventure and romance, was totally NF-ish. I am also into symbolism hardcore. I've had an interest in the paranormal my whole life, and I believe I am quite sensitive to things. As weird as that might sound.
In my 20s, I pretty much hopped from relationship to relationship. They just seemed to find me. The whole time it sickened me because I had never wanted to have to love more than one person. But I've always valued personal relationships over success. Always. I also hopped from job to job. But I never really focused on me. Because I didn't know how and was uneducated perhaps? Or because it took too much '"J?"
My INTP boyfriend taught me a thing or two about efficiency and direction. He pretty much changed my life, making me think about "T" things and myself a bit more. I am forever grateful to him. Now, at 31, I am a non-traditional student. I got my ass in gear, paid off debts, put myself back into college for anthropology. Hell, I just love learning, I wanted to indulge my "T" and it doesn't matter to me what I do with my degree as long as I can make the world a bit better. (I figure any money I make afterwards is better than the money I make now.) I've made the Dean's list all times except for the last because I let some man interfere with my life. Drama makes me fall a part, as do demanding people. Anyway, it's a bit sad to me that the life I wanted (relationship wise) didn't seem to work out...that I am destined to be some loveless career girl with no kids. So another reason why I enrolled in college again, was so that I could make a sufficient amount not to rely on any man.
So I've found myself becoming more autonomous, more thinking, more focused on myself. Sometimes, I even think people think I'm a self-righteous bitch who is cold and caring only about herself. Um...sometimes. But what the hell is wrong with that? And I only may sound self righteous when I'm dealing with complete morons who I have to correct. I do make judgements about people. I could be totally correct in my judgements. But then I realize it's never black and white. It's always gray. Then I feel guilty and like complete crap. Then I start empathizing with them. And then I start to kind of like them because I feel sorry for them.
Annnway...I think I could be a bit depressed. Cause sometimes I am evil. Regardless, I do have a twisted sense of humor. I can no longer relate to cute, cuddly ENFP. Maybe because I'm older? Sometimes it makes me want to punch a kitten in the face with a sword. Just kidding. But you get the picture.
Anyway, sorry if I shared too much or not enough in some aspects. Feel free to ask me anything. I'm a very open person for the most part. I just feel like I'm having an identity crisis. (Someone actually told me they thought I was.)