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  1. #1
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Default My mom's Enneagram type?

    Some info about her:

    - She's INFJ. Very, VERY INFJ. She's told me that she agrees with literally every sentence of every INFJ description she's read. But if she were another type, it would be ISFJ - she sometimes takes things too literally, she's an upstanding citizen, and she HATES philosophical discussion, because she doesn't think it "has a point".
    - Based on what she's told me about what she was like as a kid, she definitely sounded like a 4 (lots of emo-ish, lonely artist, "No one understands", marching to a different drummer type stuff), but she doesn't strike me as that now.
    - She's incredibly type-A, and can sometimes be pretty bossy (but only towards friends and family); she often doesn't trust anyone except herself to do things, but then she'll make resentful comments at family members, like "Apparently no one cares about getting this done except for me". She puts so much pressure on herself, with stuff like that, that it's as if she intentionally puts the whole world on her shoulders because she doesn't trust Atlas to do as good a job holding it up.
    - She worries a lot, and she's a big-time perfectionist (I think she scored 100% J).
    - You would never guess that she's an introvert, until she tells you that crowds make her anxious. She's very, very loud when you get to know her. I'd say that she talks more than I do when we're chatting.
    - Often, when I get really upset about something and vent to her, she'll feel so much empathy or get such strong bad vibes or something that she'll actually get upset with me and tell me to calm down, instead of being reassuring. She doesn't do this with anyone else that I know of (so maybe it isn't relevant - I dunno).
    - She's a lot more Fe with acquaintances than with close friends.
    - I'd describe some of the INFJs I know as sweet and gentle, but I would not describe my mom that way. If I were to describe her in three words/phrases/etc, they'd be "opinionated", "clever", and "type-A".
    - She's a history buff, and a music theory/history/etc professor. LOVES lecturing and telling stories. I asked her how lecturing in front of a class is different from chatting with a crowd, and she said that it's different because in a classroom, she's the boss.
    - Sometimes I don't think she's capable of thinking objectively...

    The reason why I haven't been able to figure out her Enneagram type is that she hardly ever gives away her motivations about anything. So, feel free to ask any questions you think are necessary...
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  2. #2
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    wow sorry but it's very hard after all you wrote to tell anythign about enneagram becauase little of it tells about motivations

    only thing that striked me was for enneagram 1, scoring 100% on J.

    So; tell,
    is she hard on herself?
    is she secretely judgemental about other people?
    and most twds herself?
    does she knows the perfect way to do anything?


    here..my 2 cents on this

  3. #3
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    She sounds kind of like me, with some exceptions. I think I'm pretty J, but I often score fairly high on P as well - but I think that's due to life/circumstances. I'm not much interested in being the boss, either. But in many respects this sounds very much like me.

    I think I'm a 6w5, if that helps at all! I wonder if she could also be 1w2.
    Female
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  4. #4
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chloé View Post
    wow sorry but it's very hard after all you wrote to tell anythign about enneagram becauase little of it tells about motivations
    Yeah, I know... But she doesn't ever talk to me about that.

    I'm not sure about 1w2, because I'm 1w2 and we're so different. But we're such opposite MBTI types - maybe it's possible?
    So; tell,
    is she hard on herself?
    Yeah. She beats herself up about tiny mistakes that no one notices.
    is she secretely judgemental about other people?
    It's no secret! She seriously said to me on MORE THAN ONE occasion: "I refuse to watch Tom Cruise movies anymore, because he cheated on his wife."
    and most twds herself?
    I dunno. I'm inclined to say that she's more judgmental about other people. But she doesn't exactly tell all of her personal insecurities to the world.
    does she knows the perfect way to do anything?
    No. She doesn't go around correcting people all the time. Not entirely sure, but my first inclination is to say that she's better at telling people what to do than telling people what to NOT do. She's a really good proofreader, and she gets really frustrated with people's spelling and grammar errors when it's too late to change them, but she doesn't go that step further like I do (and I'm a 1w2, I think), by telling whoever's responsible that there's a spelling error there and they should fix it. She spends a lot of time making sure that what she says is tactful (not quite as much with close family). In fact, sometimes when she's talking about a touchy subject, she'll talk v-e-r-y slowly, as if she's talking to a little, confused child. (So I guess she's thinking a lot as she speaks?) She's definitely got a lot of that INFJ fear of conflict going on, but I don't know what that fear is based on. (Being criticized (1)? Being unloved (2)? etc.)

    I dunno if that helps at all
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  5. #5
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    ^^ does she like to repeat things for emphasis?

    i dont know, sounds like she could be 1, maybe your differences are because of ESTJ-INFJ part.. or maybe she's something else :/

    the thing about Tom Cruise really really sounds like 1, i think, 9 wouldnt say that, i think.. :/

    maybe 6 if not 1.

  6. #6
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    She sounds a lot like a 1 to me...just my two cents.
    Female
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    I DOORSLAMMING

  7. #7
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chloé View Post
    ^^ does she like to repeat things for emphasis?
    She likes to repeat things just in case people forget them. But only like 10% of people.
    the thing about Tom Cruise really really sounds like 1, i think, 9 wouldnt say that, i think.. :/
    Yeah, I definitely don't think she's a 9. I'm leaning more towards 6.
    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    She sounds a lot like a 1 to me...just my two cents.
    I could see her being a 1, except that there are things that I experience as a 1 that I don't see in her at all - namely, the need to always be right. She takes criticism very well. She doesn't relate - and has never related - to my difficulty with criticism. She sees it as an issue that I need to take care of, as opposed to an inherent part of me. Also, I don't think she's resentful about the things that I'm resentful about - and she isn't resentful that much (I don't think). Most of her resentment is about things like what I mentioned earlier, i.e. feeling like everything is on her shoulders, not asking anyone for help, but still (irrationally) expecting people to help her. I never think like that. My resentment is usually related to anger that I want to let out at people - say, wanting to pick a verbal fight at someone, or yell at them for being stupid - when my mom would never want to do something like that. Just the thought of verbal conflict makes her want to run for the door.

    6 makes sense because she's such a worrier, but I've never really understood the rest of that type description.

    Thoughts?
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  8. #8
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    isnt typical for Ones to think expressing anger is wrong so they hold much in? is that your mom? or she doesnt get angry at all?

    i dont know much about 6s either, they are the most complex etype.

    mmaybe she's "softer" than you in few stuff because she's NF after all, you expect it to look like you but INFJ and ESTJ make a lot difference.

    My sister is 3 and ESTJ and my 3 and her 3 is very different thing.

    EDIT: i reread the OP and she doesnt sound 6 at all from what i know about 6, either 1 or 4.
    For 4; i guess you know that already: does she like to think she is different and more special than others?

    lot of OP actually sounds like my ISTJ and 4 (yes, the combo does exist!) mother. A LOT. my mom is also very... type-A, workaholic, likes to be in charge.. I tried to determine her Etype for a year and then I asked some enneagram teacher and she said my mom is 4, i wad SHOCKED, now I can totally see it, looks a lot different in ISTJs.

  9. #9
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chloé View Post
    isnt typical for Ones to think expressing anger is wrong so they hold much in? is that your mom? or she doesnt get angry at all?
    She'll snap at people sometimes, on rare occasions, but it has always seemed to me that she doesn't hold her anger in because it's "bad" to let it out - she holds it in because she wants to avoid conflict at all costs. Also, I suppose I would have thought that Ones would rather fix something by starting a conflict, than not fix something and maintain harmony. Maybe it's just because I'm an ESTJ that I have those priorities, though - like you said.

    For 4; i guess you know that already: does she like to think she is different and more special than others?
    I don't think so. I don't think she ranks people like that. She's nice to pretty much everyone, so if she has classifications at all, it's 1. Family, 2. Friends, and 3. Everyone else (who she treats the exact same way).
    lot of OP actually sounds like my ISTJ and 4 (yes, the combo does exist!) mother. A LOT. my mom is also very... type-A, workaholic, likes to be in charge.. I tried to determine her Etype for a year and then I asked some enneagram teacher and she said my mom is 4, i wad SHOCKED, now I can totally see it, looks a lot different in ISTJs.
    Wow. What DOES that look like, btw? I'm curious now.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  10. #10
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    I don't think so. I don't think she ranks people like that. She's nice to pretty much everyone, so if she has classifications at all, it's 1. Family, 2. Friends, and 3. Everyone else (who she treats the exact same way).
    does she likes having attention from you in family and being pitied? my mom does this, after every fight.. if that no there's NO way she's 4 so she must be 1.
    Wow. What DOES that look like, btw? I'm curious now.
    I described it here

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