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  1. #1
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    Default Help me understand my son

    One of my sons is very hard for me to understand and I'm still not sure what type he is. What do you all think?

    - 10 years old, has ADHD
    - I can't tell if he's E or I - I think the ADHD makes this hard to tell
    - seems intuitive - always thinking about possibilities, inventions, future technology
    - is VERY intentive himself - at age 8 made me a rototiller from wood he cut himself and a motor
    - knows how to make something that mechanically 'works' out of two styrofoam cups, duct tape, string and some batteries
    - is not very aware of what's going on around him because he's very absorbed with his 'designs'
    - also interested in rocks, minerals, gems
    - claims to want to be either an inventor, architect, or engineer when he grows up or even a gemologist
    - wants friends but doesn't really fit in. He holds a lot of grudges "I can't be friends with him, because two years ago he told me that I sucked at soccer.' He's also very critical of other kids which I think is inaccurate - either blows things out of proportion or takes things the wrong way.
    - plays football and downhill skiis other than that not much for sports
    - watches hocky and football on TV
    - is VERY emotional and is a 'Drama King.' Heck, I think I'm a Feeler too - but he's way more so than I am.
    - wants a lot of reassurance. Most evenings before bed he wants to 'talk' about all his feelings.
    - for Christmas this year, he very elaborately wrapped up one of his prize rocks in a very cute box and told me that it was an unpolished sapphire.

    I guess I'm confused because the 'crazy inventor' usually doesn't go with such a strongly feeling type as far as I know.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Jive A Turkey's Avatar
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    Oh my God, this kid sounds like me.

  3. #3
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alicia91 View Post
    I can't tell if he's E or I - I think the ADHD makes this hard to tell
    - seems intuitive - always thinking about possibilities, inventions, future technology
    Does he get cranky and seem emotionally drained after spending time with others? Obviously that is a intro/extro detector. We believe our son to have ADHD as well and he is outgoing, but does need his alone time. We think he is an INFP but it's too early imo to be accurate.
    - is VERY intentive himself - at age 8 made me a rototiller from wood he cut himself and a motor
    Impressive! Sounds like he has great hyperfocusing skills.
    - knows how to make something that mechanically 'works' out of two styrofoam cups, duct tape, string and some batteries
    - is not very aware of what's going on around him because he's very absorbed with his 'designs'- claims to want to be either an inventor, architect, or engineer when he grows up or even a gemologist
    Could be T.
    - wants friends but doesn't really fit in. He holds a lot of grudges "I can't be friends with him, because two years ago he told me that I sucked at soccer.' He's also very critical of other kids which I think is inaccurate - either blows things out of proportion or takes things the wrong way.
    that could be insecurity or he may possibly be a feeler.
    - plays football and downhill skiis other than that not much for sports
    - watches hocky and football on TV
    Normal boy stuff.
    - is VERY emotional and is a 'Drama King.' Heck, I think I'm a Feeler too - but he's way more so than I am.
    There's your answer! Correct me if I'm wrong, but Thinkers are never very emotional or dramatic.
    - wants a lot of reassurance. Most evenings before bed he wants to 'talk' about all his feelings.
    F
    - for Christmas this year, he very elaborately wrapped up one of his prize rocks in a very cute box and told me that it was an unpolished sapphire.
    How sweet and thoughtful!
    I guess I'm confused because the 'crazy inventor' usually doesn't go with such a strongly feeling type as far as I know.
    I think I read somewhere that the perceiving and judgmental functions aren't really determined until later in life. I was quite messy and not very organized when I was younger but now I am 78% J.

    As for your son's complete type, I have no clue. Maybe NF, maybe SF? All little boys are prompted to tell you what they want to be when they grow up so I'm not so sure that is the greatest indicator for determining intuition.

    Is he currently taking medication for ADHD?
    Quote Originally Posted by Jive A Turkey View Post
    Oh my God, this kid sounds like me.
    Are you implying that Alicia's son is a turkey?
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Jive A Turkey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alicia91 View Post
    I guess I'm confused because the 'crazy inventor' usually doesn't go with such a strongly feeling type as far as I know.
    The overly sensitive scientific type is more common than people think. The "why" question that they're always asking applies itself well in both constructs.

  5. #5
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    I'm going to have to read up on your type Jive A Turkey. I definately agree about the sensitive scientist - that's his type for sure.

    The "why" question that they're always asking applies itself well in both constructs
    Interesting. I think he does this a lot. He's very curious about tangibles and behaviors.


    Does he get cranky and seem emotionally drained after spending time with others?
    That is SO hard to say. He takes meds and we've had to switch them around quite a bit because of side-effects so I'm not quite sure. I think the meds make him more introverted because they make him more quiet and focused so I then assumed that he was really an Extravert. However, his doc claims that the meds help them 'be themselves' and unmask the real person if that makes any sense. I'm leaning towards an E if I had to.

    I think I read somewhere that the perceiving and judgmental functions aren't really determined until later in life. I was quite messy and not very organized when I was younger but now I am 78% J.
    I don't have a good feel on this one at all. On the one hand he desires 'change' and novelty but on the other hand he wants to know what to expect. Perhaps as he gets older it will be more obvious?

  6. #6
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    My guess is INFP.

    My INFP cousin works as an Engineer and graduated from one of the top Engineering schools in the country (high in her class, nonetheless). Don't underestimate that Ne! She has always had a science/math bent and as a child, she was very inventive. Actually, she'd go around the house improving upon things - like coming up with all of these little ideas that involved tying forks together and whatnot. hahaha.

    We're the same age and grew up together like sisters. She was always far more sensitive than me (and my INFP brother has these same emotional qualities) & took more things personally. The example you gave about your son & the kid who insulted him about soccer reminds me a LOT of how my cousin & INFP brother would react to the situation. Both of them, now well into their 20's, still hold grudges with people who have "wronged" them - some grudges extending back into childhood. They take their feelings VERY seriously.

  7. #7
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    You are right quietgirl - INFP might be it also.

    I hadn't thought so much of the obvious because he is so different than my 15 yo daughter who took an online test and came out ENFP. They are like night and day. She has such wonderful social skills compared to him, is accepting of others and isn't inventive at all. Perhaps it's just the E vs I or perhaps she's not what we think she is? OR it's just simply that people of the same type aren't the same. (hmm...maybe she's actually an S??)

  8. #8
    Senior Member Gabe's Avatar
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    "That is SO hard to say. He takes meds and we've had to switch them around quite a bit because of side-effects so I'm not quite sure. I think the meds make him more introverted because they make him more quiet and focused so I then assumed that he was really an Extravert. However, his doc claims that the meds help them 'be themselves' and unmask the real person if that makes any sense. I'm leaning towards an E if I had to."

    Ok, I apologize for this, since it's none of my bussiness, but...

    -Could you possibly even consider getting your son off his meds? You generally hear only one side of the story, where Attention deficit is a real disease, and meds help people, but there is a lot of literature out there to dispute this.

    I think your doctor is acting more like a salesman.

    Your sons 'real self' is obviously his non drugged self. Hey, last I checked no one claimed that drinking three beers would 'umnask' the 'real person'. Last I checked, the 'real' person is the most 'real' without any psychoactive drug in thier system.

    And since 'attention' is about percieving, you might be seriously hindering your sons developement.

    We live in culture that pathologizes anything that deviates slightly from the percieved 'normal', but no amount of DRUGS is going to somehow turn everyone with Attention deficit into a calm, culture-approved ISTJ. More likely, it'll just mess many people up unnessicarily (this is already happening).

  9. #9
    Highly Hollow Wandering's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alicia91 View Post
    - is VERY emotional and is a 'Drama King.'
    Around everyone or just his family?

    - wants a lot of reassurance. Most evenings before bed he wants to 'talk' about all his feelings.
    Again, will he easily talk about his feelings with just anyone or only with well-known and trusted people?

  10. #10
    Senior Member ptgatsby's Avatar
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    Topically, one thing I'd consider (completely aside from type) is his need with reassurance + the ADD thing. It immediately triggered a "he thinks something is wrong with himself" reaction in me.

    This would also relate to his outbursts, "neurotic" behaviour and so forth. There is no indication, to me, that he is a F... almost all of his behaviour shows some negative emotional aspect (he can be neurotic without being a F, and I feel that those outbursts might come from "being different" and "broken" more than anything else.) I'd also check to see if he is being bullied at all, especially if you agree with anything I've said. Almost all of the ADHD traits (including stuff like hyperfocus - I fear projection on this one) describe me as a child, but then nearly every single ADHD trait relates to me to some degree, except that it never negatively affected me... But that's a rant on ADHD - I'd double check where the frustration and negative emotions are coming from, or if he is genuinely neurotic.

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