So....yeah. It's been a while guys, I haven't made a post in this blog for over...2 months. I felt a sudden urge to update this blog and I am also spurred to action because, as certain members of this forum has pointed out, I seem to be fairly reclusive and don't seem to be opening up much here.
Well, as of last friday, I'm done with high school! It wasn't a emotional event like I expected it to be, that's going to be graduation, but I knew I had to hug and say goodbye to most of my friends at school because, sadly, I knew that we probably weren't going to see each other again. My feelings toward leaving high school are kinda mixed, it was a hellish experience for me that I got through and as such, I didn't really gain that many relationships from it (At least not as many as I wanted. I'm still very much a reserved individual) but I also had a great time when I forced myself too and some of my great friends, the individuals who put up with me when I even wouldn't have put up with me, caused me to grow as a person (as all friends should)
I've been treating myself this whole weekend with terrible fast food and also overall being lazy. I feel like I deserve it and it's also a goodbye. Like most summers, I have a plan to completely re-organize my life and plan for the fall. This year, I plan on eating better (Last year I planned on exercising more and I actually went through with that plan, I woke up at six everyday and did a little jog.) I weigh 205 pounds at 6'4 which is an 'ok' weight to be at but I want to lose a bit more. The only time when I lost a significant amount of weight was when I was purposefully watching my carb intake (And that's the only thing I watched, calories were of no significance to me.) and it worked fairly well for me. I have a suspicion that I'm insulin resistant and, luckily, avoided diabetes by forcing myself to lose weight. Seeing as I got quite a bit of muscle, I don't really need to try to bulk up and cut at the same time (Which is very counter-intuitive and most likely not possible)
Another thing I plan on doing this summer is to start playing Viola, guitar, or bass guitar well. I play bass guitar fairly well at the moment but I'm tired of being a sort of jack of all trades. I love music, I truly do, but my idealistic dream of being able to play everything is kind of a short sighted and it's leaving me ever so slightly incompetent on every instrument I play.
I also plan on trying to get more in tune with myself and what I want. I still need to pick a college major. I also want to become more fashionable (I already am, lol, but I need to be more fashionable since I'm heading off to college)
Um. Outside of that? I've been keeping myself entertained by reading Naruto, Full metal alchemist, Death note (Obviously), and various web comics such as Suicide for hire The weather down here is starting to get weird, it's starting to resemble Florida-esque weather. My dad and I went to the air force base and it was raining so hard that we couldn't even see the road in front of us, the tornado sirens were on and the air horn was BLAZING. We returned to sherwood, where we live, and the rain was softly sprinkling all through out town. Weird weather indeed.
And to the individuals it concerns (IE. The people who responded to my "The heart of the matter" thread) I didn't ask the girl out. The day after I decided to ask her out, one of my best friends (and her cousin) talked to me. She simply asked me if I asked her sister, and after I responded with yes, she told me that I shouldn't date her sister because she is abnormally self-centered (Teenagers, in general, are but she seemed to surpass that.) She explained to me a few things that marked her self-centeredness (For example, she asked for money to buy something when she knew for a fact that her very poor grandparents didn't have it) and this slightly paralyzed me in thought for a few moments. Before I knew it, I got caught up in my social circle and my other crush, and school ended.
I think that's it for this blog entry. To the people who actually read this blog, I got a question. I've been having an issue with my best friend, he's a lovable guy (Probably an ENFP) and I've been trying to emulate the positive features he has. He seems to have a way with people (A different way, actually. I'm actually pretty good with people.) He's one of those touchy feely artisy types and I've been trying to emulate that because I thought that, based on both of our interaction with the same group of friends, he seems to be the more preferred individual (Now that I look at that, that's not really true. The prefer him for artistic discussions and they have known him longer). The one thing that I want to learn from him is his over the top ability to flirt. I'm a reserved individual, like I said above, but I know how to flirt in my own way but I suppose I wanted to learn from him since he's rather good at it (I'm not sure if he is actually flirting or is it his touchy feely thing going on. I asked him about it and he contests that he does NOT flirt with anyone but his girlfriend) I see him as way to touchy feely, and I don't want to be completely like him obviously, so I plan on obtaining a more subdued version of what he does.
But that brings upon another issue for me, I don't think that what I'm learning is completely natural for me. I know that people are born with certain traits and deficits and you have to work to improve on your short comings but I don't really know if I should be 'copying' him, especially in the realm of flirting (Which is inherently biological and based in the subconscious) I should be improving upon myself by using the things that I'm good at to mitigate the effects of the things I'm not good at. Or perhaps I'm over thinking it. Another thing I need to work on is making consistent eye contact. I used to intimidate people (Imagine me now but less diplomatic) and, as a way of making it sting less, I somehow obtained the ability to avoid eye contact. I need to unlearn that.
So I think I'm done, for real this time!