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  1. #21
    Senior Member Liesl's Avatar
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    Default Introverted extraverts

    Quote Originally Posted by angelhair45 View Post
    I keep going back and forth. I am almost exactly like both of the descriptions. The good the bad and the ugly of INFP and ENFP seem to describe me. I think I am ENFP, but only by a margin. Seriously can't I be both?

    I am starting to think I became introverted because of my sucky childhood, but I enjoy my extroverted side and am becoming much more so as I get older. Even so it seems weird that I can align myself so closely with different types.

    I'm also in a transition period so it's tougher for me to tell as I'm growing a lot right now. I have heard the ENFP called the shy extrovert, and I do think that describes me half the time, the other half I'm swinging from the chandeliers.
    You know what? I could have written this myself.

    I didn't learn this until several years after I became acquainted with MBTI, but introversion and extraversion don't correlate reliably with sociability. Real world levels of extraversion depend on both previous experience AND preference, whereas MBTI is supposed to reflect only your preference. For example, an ENFP who is repeatedly shunned or treated badly because she expresses her feelings will become more guarded with her feelings over time. It's not what she prefers to do, but it's necessary for her survival. This is what happened to me, and perhaps it's what happened to you.

    When you're determining your MBTI preference, you need to rely on the way you prefer to behave when you're in your healthiest, happiest state of mind. I first realized I might be an extravert when I came home one day from an interesting dinner party. I came home so energized and raring to go.

    That was the beginning of the chain of events that led me to conclude that I am an ENFP. (Well, there were several other clues along the way too. I kept noticing that I was the most assertive of the INFPs. When my feelings get hurt, my first response is to explain my opinion and engage the person I'm arguing with, not to shut down and feel badly. It's only when NO ONE around seems to understand me that I shut down and feel badly.) The bottom line for me is that it's not just enough for me to FEEL strongly about something. I have to talk to everybody I know ENDLESSLY about everything I feel strongly about. I want people to know who I am and what I stand for.
    Last edited by Liesl; 07-03-2010 at 01:48 PM.

  2. #22
    Glycerine
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    Total ENFP!

  3. #23
    Senior Member Liesl's Avatar
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    Default Introverted extraverts

    P.S. What you said about feeling like the extraverted loner really resonated with me. I think it's because I often have to conform to norms that I don't want to in order to be 'part of the group.' I enjoy people's company but I'm not going to build my life around something that I don't believe in. I would rather wait for people to come into my radar that get me.

  4. #24
    Senior Member angelhair45's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Liesl View Post
    You know what? I could have written this myself.

    I didn't learn this until several years after I became acquainted with MBTI, but introversion and extraversion don't correlate reliably with sociability. Real world levels of extraversion depend on both previous experience AND preference, whereas MBTI is supposed to reflect only your preference. For example, an ENFP who is repeatedly shunned or treated badly because she expresses her feelings will become more guarded with her feelings over time. It's not what she prefers to do, but it's necessary for her survival. This is what happened to me, and perhaps it's what happened to you.

    When you're determining your MBTI preference, you need to rely on the way you prefer to behave when you're in your healthiest, happiest state of mind. I first realized I might be an extravert when I came home one day from a great dinner party about ethics and politics. I felt like I had the chance to express myself on important issues and that people were paying attention to me. I came home so energized and raring to go.

    That was the beginning of the chain of events that led me to conclude that I am an ENFP. (Well, there were several other clues along the way too. I kept noticing that I was the most assertive of the INFPs. When my feelings get hurt, my first response is to explain my opinion and engage the person I'm arguing with, not to shut down and feel badly. It's only when NO ONE around seems to understand me that I shut down and feel badly.) The bottom line for me is that it's not just enough for me to FEEL strongly about something. I have to talk to everybody I know ENDLESSLY about everything I feel strongly about. I want people to know who I am and what I stand for.
    Wow. I think you figured it out when you said,
    "For example, an ENFP who is repeatedly shunned or treated badly because she expresses her feelings will become more guarded with her feelings over time. It's not what she prefers to do, but it's necessary for her survival"
    That's exactly what I have encountered in my life. Everything you said, I've experienced. It's very interesting to hear other people feeling the same way I have felt.

  5. #25
    Senior Member Liesl's Avatar
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    I'm glad I understood you!

    A lot of people are afraid of valuing and dealing with other people's feelings because they can barely deal with their own true feelings without their whole construct of the world coming crashing down around them. But there ARE people out there that won't treat you that way, people that are more evolved, and you WILL find them.

    And, here, in the meantime, have a hug:
    Last edited by Liesl; 07-03-2010 at 01:49 PM.

  6. #26
    Member TrueHeart's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by candylandjoe View Post
    Did you get that girlfriend/job, Trueheart?
    Nope, nope.
    "There can be no understanding between the hands and the head unless the heart acts as mediator." (Metropolis, 1927)

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #27
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Liesl View Post
    P.S. What you said about feeling like the extraverted loner really resonated with me. I think it's because I often have to conform to norms that I don't want to in order to be 'part of the group.' I enjoy people's company but I'm not going to build my life around something that I don't believe in. I would rather wait for people to come into my radar that get me.
    Same here.
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