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  1. #11
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    -Is very sensitive. Often complains, directly to people, that they are being rude or impolite. Often complains about how people don't treat her well and how people lack tact (including me).
    -Is horrible with details. Has left jobs because of the amount of detail required by them. Often gets angry when I pay too much attention to details and ask her for them.
    -Gets angry and won't tell anyone why; and seems to expect people to read her mind. Then gets angrier when they don't understand her.
    -Is very sensitive to the emotional atmosphere. She is aware of the emotions of others.
    -Always rambles on about what needs to be done, and what she plans on doing in the future.
    -Will force people to do things.
    -Is very critical of non motivated people.
    -Is also very spiritual and into new age things.
    -Loves traditional holidays and celebrating them.
    Most of this says Fe to me....and pretty unhealthy.

    I'm curious about what her future talk is like (bolded part). I know ESFJs who discuss what needs to be done, but it is practical and not in the far off future. Is your mom (it's your mom, right? ) talking about far off future goals that are conceptual and more vague, or is she discussing more immediate concerns? Of course, any type may do a little of both, but it's important not think all future talk = iNuitive.

    Her annoyance with details does suggest N, but more info is needed. My ESFJ grandma sounds like a more balanced version of this - she is not that detail-oriented for work because she's more people-oriented. However, she likes to know details about people/events.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  2. #12
    Senior Member Qre:us's Avatar
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    ESTJ

  3. #13
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I'm curious about what her future talk is like (bolded part). I know ESFJs who discuss what needs to be done, but it is practical and not in the far off future. Is your mom (it's your mom, right? ) talking about far off future goals that are conceptual and more vague, or is she discussing more immediate concerns? Of course, any type may do a little of both, but it's important not think all future talk = iNuitive.

    Her annoyance with details does suggest N, but more info is needed. My ESFJ grandma sounds like a more balanced version of this - she is not that detail-oriented for work because she's more people-oriented. However, she likes to know details about people/events.
    Dern you and guessing who it was!

    But she seems to have this future vision, and she just can't shake thinking about it until it actually happens. It's definitely in the very far future, she regularly talks about what she wants to do in 6 months to a year. They are vague and conceptual, and just something to generally work toward. It's very... very annoying. Because the future is just some other thing for me. Like, "Oh yeah, that's gonna happen, k." Think about it, then don't stress it until it gets there. But she does.

    And she is pretty unhealthy. She gets in this Fe-Se loop, with irrational Ni to back everything up or dismiss anything that doesn't jive with her. Her feelings are like a volcano. She is highly manipulative. She seems angry at nothing about 80% of the time.

    And as for details, here are some examples. She is a dental assistant, and at one job she had to work they required computer work. She was never asked to file these things before... that's what the person who works at the counter does, not an assistant. She was getting paid more, but it still really annoyed her. There were clearcut instructions as to what needed to be done, but the sheer amount of details that needed to be perfectly enterted in made her doubt her abilities. She complained of it making her agitated and would give her headaches- just to do that!

    Also when moving, she wasn't near detailed enough for me to help. I was helping with HER stuff, and basically when I do something for someone I expect them to tell me what to do... that's common sense, right? She said that I needed to be more of a "man" and decide what needed to be done. And when I did that, she wanted me to do it another way. So then I asked her what to do, and she would get mad and tell me not to ask for so many details. Because it annoyed her. Along with her being bad with them, she is just a very un specific person. An example, there would be a large pile of stuff. She would point at it, and say "get that." I would look at her like , and then she would get mad when I asked her what (and I would get annoyed too). So we essentially can't work together, this happens pretty much every day.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  4. #14
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Another thing that's worth noting, is that you probably wouldn't see her like that at all if you got to know her casually. It sort of leaves me wondering what ENFJs are like when you REALLY get to know them and they stop caring about how they appear around you...

    I mean really. When she gets on the phone, she is insanely nice to people. When she meets an acquaintance she acts insanely nice as well... it's very strange. I'm pretty sure that this might be because I trivialize emotions, and this can make me seem like I can lack tact in ways. She gets very offended at the lack of tact, and I think that my lack of this has grated on her to stop caring about tact as well. It seems intentional though, while I really just can't help it (if I did it any differently, I wouldn't be being myself). As if to "get back at me" for being so rude. Bleh.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  5. #15
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I have some similar issues with my ISFJ mom, and I wonder how much of this just isn't annoying mom stuff . The whole being specific thing is something my mom does to me....I have to remind her that I cannot read her mind.

    I can see your mom as ENFJ, but I don't see her as a typical one. My childhood best friend is one and I have many other ENFJ friends and none of them display behavior like that. Of course, I have not lived with them, but they haven't lived with me either .

    Anyway, moms can drive you up the wall!
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  6. #16
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    nfj
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  7. #17
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    ESFJ
    ~luck favors the ready~


    Shameless Self-Promotion:MDP2525's Den and the Start of Motorcycle Maintenance

  8. #18
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Crap. I was being honest to your OP and didn't look ahead...
    ~luck favors the ready~


    Shameless Self-Promotion:MDP2525's Den and the Start of Motorcycle Maintenance

  9. #19
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    It sort of leaves me wondering what ENFJs are like when you REALLY get to know them and they stop caring about how they appear around you...
    Healthy ENFJs are wonderful, you know

  10. #20
    Glycerine
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    Hahaha, I am naturally atrocious w/ details. This is why school usually is a major stressor in my life. I ACT extremely S (an exaggerated, awkward version) to compensate for not being detail-oriented. For example asking really nit-picky questions because I don't want to make any mistakes. I probably come off as an ESTX when in school mode. It's like tell me exactly what you want because I know I will mess up and do it my own odd way, if you don't.
    You should see an ENFJ trying to be an ESTX with a slightly emotional side... it's rather humorous. It comes off rather forced. To make things worse, I still make simple, practical mistakes. I still get A's even though I absolutely suck at details.

    On that note, I don't think I am as bad as your mother.

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