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  1. #1
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    Default Need help with typing my bf (again......)....

    I'm sorry, I have opened other threads concerning this topic (describing him etc.), and it must get really annoying.
    I'm just desperate about finding his type....I thought I (we) had figured it out ..

    I thought he was an INTP, and he felt comfortable with that. He knows something about type and temperament theory, but not as in depth as me, and this is why we can't really discuss/figure out his type together......but:

    - Yesterday he said he could almost equally relate to the bestfitprofiles of INTP, ENTP and ISFP, but doesn't think "Yeah, this one is me".....

    - I definitely think he is not directing but informing, and I'd say also responding, though I am not sure about that (that would leave ISFP, INFP, ISFJ and INTP, but, as I said, not sure about responding or initiating, could also be a shy extravert, he's not very clear concerning that, I think he gains energy when being with others, esp. groups, but he ALWAYS thinks before he speaks, often for a loooong time)

    - Concerning the functions he says he mostly relates to Ti, he seems pretty sure that he uses Ti rather strongly (although I don't see it all of the time). And that he somehow relates to Ne, but he is not someone coming up with crazy ideas all day.....there ARE crazy ideas, but that would not exclude Ne in third or fourth place for me, or maybe even Ni...... HE says he cannot relate to Se at all..... but I don't know if he has understood it really or if he just feels that Se is sometimes negatively described......

    - I am definitely sure he is NOT a J, neither NJ nor SJ. this has nothing to do with stereotype..... it's not that he is just messy or something..... he just doesn't like to plan in advance. I really see the P in his trying to get as much information as possible before buying something, e.g. At least I'm pretty sure about him not being an SJ. Extremely un-judgemental, never used the world "should" in his life

    - I think testing is ineffective at this stage. He has tested as ISFP, INTP, INFP and ENTP before, but I think he (at least subconsciously) knows how his answers will affect the results...... this one career-temperament test (I think by berens) gave him NF as first and NT as second temperament, and the Keirsey temperament test (only temperament, not type) gave him NT as first temperament, the others far behind.


    Maybe he is just extremely balanced ....but I'd really like to know what his type his. and he feels uncomfortable not being one or the other, even though I don't know how interested he is in the whole theory..... I talk to him for hours about is, but he doesn't research about it himself, so I don't want to push him...

    I'd really appreciate any help.....

  2. #2
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Well... my dad (INTP) doesn't really like the whole MBTI thing (and everything else related to personality types), so he sorts of subconsciously refuses to identify with anything. He doesn't like the idea that people can be put to types, because he views it as limiting. So maybe that's the case with your bf too. But actually a lot of Fi people really have a hard time identifying with a type, because of the 'originality' issue.

    I tried looking in threads you've started, but I couldn't find a specific one describing your bf. Perhaps you could post a link to it?

  3. #3
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    Here are the links to the former threads:

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...iend-mine.html

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...-s-type-3.html

    and one when I was considering ENFP, but I now think that's unlikely....

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...riend-not.html

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    I need help ....

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    I don't think you should go into the functions, because it seems he isn't that interested and doesn't have a clear understanding of the functions anyway.

    From the posts, I think he sounds pretty much like an INTP. Is there a reason why you don't think he is an INTP?

    Ok, here are some more specific questions that might help:

    1) Who usually initiates the dates? Do you usually go out or stay in? Does he stick to known things (going to the same places, etc.) or does he actively seeks out new things for you to do together?

    2) How do you fight and resolve conflicts? How does he behave when he is angry with you? Does he initiate the make-up talk or do you have to initiate? Does he some times accuse you of being 'emotional' or 'irrational' when you are arguing?

    3) What is his career interest? What is he studying or wants to study? What kind of job/life does he want for his future?

    And, lastly, is there any specific reason why you want to find what type he is so badly? Is there a communication problem? Do you feel like you don't understand him?

    Any little bit of info might be a clue

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    I don't think you should go into the functions, because it seems he isn't that interested and doesn't have a clear understanding of the functions anyway.

    From the posts, I think he sounds pretty much like an INTP. Is there a reason why you don't think he is an INTP?

    Ok, here are some more specific questions that might help:


    Any little bit of info might be a clue
    Mh, I only know one NT (an INTJ) IRL, and I hardly know SPs and NTs, and somehow, I find it hard to differentiate between the two..... The reason why I thought he maybe was SP rather than INTP was that he is not coming up with crazy ideas all the time.....I don't really know..... and I'd say he is more pragmatic in decision making, but it's really hard for me to differentiate between the NT and SP way of problem solving, since they're both utalitarian in tool use....I know that the difference is in the abstract vs. concrete language use, at least considering Keirsey. I'd also say that I more often initate conversations about "abstract" topics, but....then.... there are things he wants to talk about that I'm not interested in (he's into politics, and all his computer stuff I don't understand at all), so..... maybe he would want to talk about that (and he does with friends) but I am not too open....
    somehow I thought that his studying computer science and being into programming could really be an example of the NT efficiency....at least that's what he argues, he says programming is not about finding a way but the most efficient way of doing something......but that could also be the attitude of an SP, I don't know....sorry, I digress ....

    concerning the questions:

    1) Mh..... I guess it's mostly me initiating the dates.... He's comfortable with staying in, watching Dvd or talking....but we also go out, but I guess it's mostly me wanting to go out....we don't go to clubs or anything, he's not into that, but have a drink somewhere, cinema etc. Mh....I think he does both: He likes to go to the same sneak preview every weak, but he also likes to try new restaurants, and concerning traveling he'd rather go somewhere new everytime.

    2) Uh, fighting is a big problem .... He rarely gets angry at me .... I mean, really...actually, he never shows his anger. I think he mostly seems really unemotional.....really extremely calm. He usually gets really quiet when I accuse him of something....he tries to argue against it, but....hard to describe....at some point he gets silent ....I think he'd like to escape the situation......flee from it, if he could ....If I pressure him to say something concerning the conflict, he just remains silent. I have to initiate the make-up talk.... He says he rather wants to argue in an unemotional way, he hates it when he feels I accuse him of something, and he hates it when my accusal is "irrational". Especially when I say something like "but that's my feeling". I guess that's not really valid for him .... I could talk to him about every problem, even concerning him, if I did it in a calm, non-accusing way. I think he'd deal with it then......but if he feel my tone of voice is slightly accusing, he starts defending himself until he falls silent.
    Ah, and he NEVER ever got loud during any conflict ....he rarely shows negative emotions, as well as positve emotions.....

    3)
    He studies computer science. He seems lazy sometimes to me....but well... he argues that he has ADD. Don't know. He says he wants to do more than just programming afterwards, do something he likes and which gives him the possiblity to create something. He says he would like to create the "architecture" of programms, but isn't really keen on always implementing the stuff himself..... At the moment he is trying to get self-employed with a friend of his, they apply for business competitions (for start-ups) and they want to create some software for mobile phones concerning some transportation advice.....

    And lastly ... yes, there are some communication problems. I'd really like to know how to figure this out, how to solve that, how to improve our communication, and I thought that finding out his type could help ... because I don't want to push him into some direction he doesn't like.... He is very withdrawn, and I often feel like I don't know him....... He doesn't talk about his inner motives, wishes, dreams, feelings........ he mostly talks about thoughts, but I often miss the connection to his feelings, the personal note in his thoughts....hard to describe .........hard to nail down the communiation problem .....

  7. #7
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    One thing I forgot - yes, he often accuses me of being "illogical" .... and of not being able to argue my grounds .... I often argue that I have a certain opinion because I like it, and this isn't valid for him *lol*.....I think this severly annoys him...

  8. #8
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    He definitely seems like an NTP.

    Here's a question- which of these would he react worse to?

    Being forced to do something. Being forced to order people around. Along with these, a person like this would have a hard time being motivated to do anything; even when they knew that they needed to do it.

    Or...

    Is he worse at telling people's inner feelings? With this sort of person, the way that they talk and go about their social interactions just seems like they have no boundaries. They are oblivious to other's inner feelings, and this often frustrates them. They may also react badly to morally judgmental people.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    He definitely seems like an NTP.

    Here's a question- which of these would he react worse to?

    Being forced to do something. Being forced to order people around. Along with these, a person like this would have a hard time being motivated to do anything; even when they knew that they needed to do it.

    Or...

    Is he worse at telling people's inner feelings? With this sort of person, the way that they talk and go about their social interactions just seems like they have no boundaries. They are oblivious to other's inner feelings, and this often frustrates them. They may also react badly to morally judgmental people.
    I know this isn't helping, but I'd definitely have to say BOTH :confused:..... maybe a bit more the first one?
    really hard to tell, though....really....

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    He definitely seems like an NTP.
    Yes, I agree. I'm also leaning more towards INTP



    Ok, let's assume he's an INTP for now (and see if something that doesn't quite fit comes up later). Why do you feel there is a communication problem? Do you feel that he seems somehow 'detached' in the relationship? Or he doesn't talk about his feelings so you feel uncertain how he really feels about you? Do you want more emotional intimacy but feel that he isn't opening up to you?

    One thing to note is that if you're in a relationship with an NT, you would probably never get 'total vulnerability' from him -- that sense of extreme closeness that you are looking for. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, because he does in his own way. It just won't be too fluffy-feely

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