Maybe I'm wrong about my type?

[alicia91]

What are you like more often? Do you take control more often, or do you go into the background more often?

Not super easy to answer but I'm going to go with 'take control.' THat's probably because when I really CARE about something, then I want it done right. But then I got roped into helping on a Cub Scout committe and I didn't really care how this particular thing was organized so I just did it and helped.

Do you plan what you design beforehand or just 'go with the flow'?

Something in between. For example, if I'm making flower arrangements for clients then I'll buy a certain amount of 'tall' backbone flowers, a few focal flowers, a bunch of small fillers and some trailers - but I'll figure out the design when I get there. Or if it's a particularly big project then I might have made some sketches in advance, but not a detailed design.

Taking responsibility on a church board - this does indeed sound STJ-ish. (many INTJ's are atheists and agnostics - I'm different, in that I'm a practicing Catholic who doesn't really relate to either belief) How outspoken are you during board meetings?

Ok, I belong to a liberal/progressive church, and I'm on the board under Buildings and Grounds - nothing to do with religion or theories! I'm quite opinonated actually and say a lot.

By problem-solver, I assume that you mean that you are adept at resolving personal conflicts. Unless you use logic correctly to solve personal problems...

Hmmm...not sure. I definately am good at resolving personal conflict. However, I'm good/logical in other ways too. Many years ago my husband wasn't getting ahead in the large corporation he was in and complained to me about it. I took it upon myself to find out what experience/qualifications that others in the company had who were above him, found out that the company paid the tuition and practically enrolled in him his MBA program. There - problem solved.

medium in terms of patience

Borderline J/P? Please clarify what you mean further.

I tend to get impatient when I'm in meeting that drifts off topic or gets personal so I tend to butt in and get the meeting back on track. On the other hand I'm quite patient with children and animals.

Why do you love to research? Just because you love facts, because you wish to see why certain events or things occur in life, or because you like looking for correlations while researching? The last part is certainly J-ish - taking control to bring closure.

MOSTLY, because I'm always on this 'self-improvement' quest and also finding out the BEST way to do something, take care of something, etc. So before I got my dogs, I had to spend a few months researching dog breeds to see what types would be best for my family. Before I got new hardwood flooring I spent considerable amounts of time reviewing wood types. When two of my kids were diagnosed ADHD, I read a ton of books on the subject so that I could understand them and help them. I don't care about facts for facts-sake, it's all about gaining useful info.

Hmmm.... what sort of things make you anxious? (You don't need to answer if it is too much disclosure.)

Lack of security, lack of money, dying young, something happening to my family, my body failing, growing old, medical tests. Yet I recently went for my first physical in three years but I didn't go for a long time because I was so afraid of the doctor finding something. Stupid I know.

Perhaps more examples of your behaviour would be indicative? Mind you the lack of examples would lead me to think that your not a sensor at all but an intuitive person.

Interesting! The first time I took a MBTI test I came out INTJ (Professor Snape type it said)!! But I read up on it and felt it was all wrong - I'm not into abstractions, theories and I'm much more social than that type. Then I thought I was ISTJ, but it also felt wrong because I'm not a 'bean-counter' type - I would hate the kind of routine monoteny I suspect that they like.

I know Jennifer asked about my daily routine in a speculative way, but I just thought I'd mention what works for me. I love a 'flexible routine' meaning that I usually have a 'focus of the day.' I do this 'focus' after I've completed my morning routine which is get up at 5:15, drive kids to school, straighten out the house, do a load of laundry, walk the dogs, surf the net for a bit, and (usually) workout. Depending on how motivated I am, and how much I actually needed to do, I am done around 10-11 and then spend the rest of the day on my 'focus.' When I have jobs I simply shift the 'focuses' around on my calendar. But it really doesn't matter to me whether I do the laundry first or walk the dogs first - I just do whatever makes sense at the time.

You guys are SO helpful!! I really appreciate it.

 

[Totenkindly]

The character says ENFJ to me. What's her name out of Peanuts. That was a nickname used for my sister. Peppermint Patty wasn't it?

Peppermint Patty: ESTP (the low-key outgoing tomboy)
Lucy Van Pelt: ESFJ -- VERY *F* and VERY *S*

There are comparisons between ESFJ and ESTJ, though. Perhaps that is what you're seeing.

 

[Xander]

Peppermint Patty: ESTP (the low-key outgoing tomboy)
Lucy Van Pelt: ESFJ -- VERY *F* and VERY *S*

There are comparisons between ESFJ and ESTJ, though. Perhaps that is what you're seeing.

Dag nab it I always pick the wrong name!!!! The one in the blue dress who was kind of the temperamental type...just a bit.

She used to be that bad that even if someone raised a hand to her you could visibly see her resolve strengthen like she was feeding off the resistance. That kind always says to me ExFJ and like I said I don't know any ESFJs except my Great Aunt who is a little too old to serve as a good psychological model.

My only frame of reference is that if you constantly ask people if they are okay about every five minutes then you're an S and if you know if they are okay or not then you're an N

 

[alicia91]

Wow, so much information!! I need to digest it all.

On a side-note - does anyone know which MBTI types Martha Stewart and the character Bree from Desperate Housewives are? My husband has joked that I remind him of Martha 'a soft voice, a friendly smile, a plate of cookies....but a battle-ax on the inside.'

 

[Xander]

Wow, so much information!! I need to digest it all.

On a side-note - does anyone know which MBTI types Martha Stewart and the character Bree from Desperate Housewives are? My husband has joked that I remind him of Martha 'a soft voice, a friendly smile, a plate of cookies....but a battle-ax on the inside.'

Said like that it does sound like ESFJ. I'm thinking that the whole "battle axe on the inside" is in reference to the INTP shadow.

Actually I do know one ESFJ...well met her twice. Now that I think of it I can see the parallels. I bet you're tidy and organised by my standards though

 

[arcticangel02]

Alicia,
A lot of your responses seem very similar to how my Dad deals with things/goes about his day. He's an ESTJ.

You seem slightly more 'go with the flow' than he does - he'll usually prepare things beforehand so he doesn't have to worry about it when he gets to wherever he has to use it - but for the most part your descriptions sounded very similar - especially the part about researching things thoroughly before committing to anything. He also plans his day around a 'list' - he works from home, and has the freedom to do them in whatever order occurs to him, but he gets it almost always all done by the end of the day.

He's usually, yeah, friendly and outgoing, but when he gets frustrated (usually with himself) he can be a little scary. And I have no doubt he'd have no problems with facing down an 'enemy'.

 

[Xander]

when he gets frustrated (usually with himself) he can be a little scary.

The ESTJs I know don't often admit it's their fault. They use displacement and evasion a matrix agent would envy to place it somewhere else.

 

[alicia91]

When people commit to plans with you (especially if you planned it) and then decide last minute that they want to change them (ie go to a bar with you instead of dancing or something) do you get angry/upset/hurt? That's the biggest thing I've noticed with my two ESFJ friends. They both really like giving advice too, and take pride in giving good advice.

OMG yes! Unless, it's at least partly MY idea that we should change the plans (if the dancing looks boring for example). If I plan something that people want to change, especially at the last minute, my feelings are usually very hurt.

So I was just emailing this morning with my younger sister and I asked her about all of this. She's vaguely familiar with MBTI, but we discussed my personality 'in general.' Geez, my family thinks that I'm 'cooly-reserved, slightly detached on the outside but warms up when you get to know me, not obviously outgoing or introverted' She laughed when I read the P versus J traits 'it's obvious that you are a J' She also said that my mother has called me a 'wet-blanket!' I'm annoyed at that but my mother is probably an ISFP and doesn't have much common sense. I also disagree with the wet-blanket statement.

Edit - the reason I'm exploring all of this is because I think I'm having a bit of a mid-life crisis! Turning 40 was hard and at the same time I found that the kids are getting older, we have a bit more money, etc. and now it's time for ME! I'm ready for some changes (planned changes! ha ha) and kind of reinventing myself or perhaps just being less of a caretaker for others and following my own desires.

Question - I think I mentioned this in another thread, one of my big problems with working for myself is that I suck at self-promotion. I've only been is business for 1 1/2 years so how can I go out and tell the world that I'm the best decorator in the state? Maybe someone is better? Or if someone asks 'why should I hire you?' I never know what to say! I'm good at negotiating, and talking logically about my designs but pumping myself up - very hard. Does this mean I'm an Introvert?

 

[arcticangel02]

The ESTJs I know don't often admit it's their fault. They use displacement and evasion a matrix agent would envy to place it somewhere else.

Oh, I disagree.

Given, I only have one person to work off of, but I find when he's doing something (especially trying to fix something) and it isn't working out, he'll steadily get more and more frustrated with himself before he goes BOOM. He usually then goes away to vent and calm down on his own.

But, hmm, now that I think on it, if it is an issue between people, he does get a little self-righteous and avoids responsibility. I remember on a recent holiday, he got a bit sulky (lol) because everyone was expecting him to make decisions and he wasn't comfortable with just making decisions on the fly. He eventually upped and left the room (venting), leaving the rest of us to work out a plan. He did calm down and come back, but definitely initially, yeah, he did avoid dealing with it. Although I tend to think that's also because he knows he doesn't deal with things well when he's angry, so he doesn't. *shrug* Does that sound about right? This was a little while ago, so my memory may be inventing things.

Oh, and the impromptu nature of travelling stresses him a little, too.

 

[Xander]

Okay that needs a vote immediately.

All in favour of changing the user name to 'WetBlanket' say aye.

 

[Xander]

Oh, I disagree.

Given, I only have one person to work off of, but I find when he's doing something (especially trying to fix something) and it isn't working out, he'll steadily get more and more frustrated with himself before he goes BOOM. He usually then goes away to vent and calm down on his own.

But, hmm, now that I think on it, if it is an issue between people, he does get a little self-righteous and avoids responsibility. I remember on a recent holiday, he got a bit sulky (lol) because everyone was expecting him to make decisions and he wasn't comfortable with just making decisions on the fly. He eventually upped and left the room (venting), leaving the rest of us to work out a plan. He did calm down and come back, but definitely initially, yeah, he did avoid dealing with it. Although I tend to think that's also because he knows he doesn't deal with things well when he's angry, so he doesn't. *shrug* Does that sound about right? This was a little while ago, so my memory may be inventing things.

Oh, and the impromptu nature of travelling stresses him a little, too.

Aye carumba!! Sounds like my father too!!! He's ENTJ though.

Hmm must be both ExTJs.....You sure your's is an S? Mines confirmed by various tests and "experts" but they do sound very similar.

 

[arcticangel02]

OMG yes! Unless, it's at least partly MY idea that we should change the plans (if the dancing looks boring for example). If I plan something that people want to change, especially at the last minute, my feelings are usually very hurt.

Okay, theoretical: Say you have a close friend who has an on-off SO who's generally unreliable, has a number of bad habits, and is generally, in your opinion, bad for your friend. What would your approach be? Would you let it be, or would you get involved? How?

I have an ESFJ friend in this situation, so I want to see if your response matches up with how she's dealing with it.

 

[arcticangel02]

Aye carumba!! Sounds like my father too!!! He's ENTJ though.

Hmm must be both ExTJs.....You sure your's is an S? Mines confirmed by various tests and "experts" but they do sound very similar.

Haha! Maybe it's just a 'dad' thing. XD

Um, I'm almost certain he's an S. He's never taken any professional tests (he doesn't really have any patience with theoretical things like this!) but both me and my mother think he fits the ESTJ description to a T. Given, I'm hardly experienced at typing people, so....

 

[Randomnity]

OMG yes! Unless, it's at least partly MY idea that we should change the plans (if the dancing looks boring for example). If I plan something that people want to change, especially at the last minute, my feelings are usually very hurt.

That screams xSFJ to me...I've never met another type who reacts that way, and I never quite understood why they get hurt by it.

Both my ESFJ friends are also very touchy-feely and huggy and "girl-talk"-y, but only with people they know/like. And also very generous and self-sacrificing for friends/family. Is that you? Maybe if you're ISFJ though you wouldn't be as affectionate though, I don't know.

 

[Xander]

Errm ENFJs get hurt by that too.

Trust me I've offended more than my share!!

 

[Randomnity]

Errm ENFJs get hurt by that too.

Trust me I've offended more than my share!!

My bad, I meant I've never met another type who does that.

I don't know any ENFJs IRL to my knowledge.

Pretty much everything described here seems to point to S over N though.

 

[Xander]

My bad, I meant I've never met another type who does that.

I don't know any ENFJs IRL to my knowledge.

Pretty much everything described here seems to point to S over N though.

You reckon? I keep getting a sense of pattern recognition in the notes. Something about not just being locked in an instant but being aware of the larger picture. Now it could be a developed S or it could be an N.... I'm not too sure.

 

[arcticangel02]

I have to say I'm with Randomnity. She does seem more S to me (in my limited typing experience), and a lot of the things she's saying remind me of the ESxx's I know, rather than the ENxx's. And we can safely say she's not an INxx? But my vote goes for a developed S.

 

[alicia91]

I believe that I AM aware of the larger picture in most situations and do look at long-term implications. Not sure if this is how I've always been, might just have come with age.

That screams xSFJ to me...I've never met another type who reacts that way, and I never quite understood why they get hurt by it.

My take - I put time and thought (usually lots of thought, and perhaps research - read 20 restaurant reviews!) into finding just the right place to go, then when you change your mind about it, I feel like you just rejected something I gave you. I know that sounds neurotic but that's how I feel. But when that happens I generally won't fight it, because 'looking at the big picture' it's just not worth bickering over where we should go for dinner. So I'll just smile and say 'whatever' while also thinking 'next time, why don't you just make the plans in the first place, that way I didn't have to waste my time.'

Okay, theoretical: Say you have a close friend who has an on-off SO who's generally unreliable, has a number of bad habits, and is generally, in your opinion, bad for your friend. What would your approach be? Would you let it be, or would you get involved? How?

Very good question! When I was younger (say a teen) I would have gotten involved and nagged her about his bad qualities, why she is too good for him and possibly tried to hook her up with someone better. Now that I'm older and have mostly concluded that nobody is perfect, and people need to WANT to change their situations THEMSELVES, I would let it go. However, if there was a lot of complaining from my friend, I would certainly say something. For example, lets say my friend was intelligent, educated and ambitious and her SO was a uneducated, lazy, idiot, when she complained I would say 'I've always know you as a person who has strong convictions about what you want in life, I guess ending up with 'Joe' is part of that, though I'm not sure how he fits in. What exactly do you see in him?' If she were to ask directly 'what do you think of Joe?' I would say 'seems kind of uneducated and lazy, but perhaps he has lots of great qualities that make up for those?'

 

[alicia91]

I'm reading up on ESFJ & ESTJ types and the thing that strikes me is that neither is thought of as 'creative' from what I can tell.