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I don't want to end up with a guy who's just like my dad...

Queen Kat

The Duchess of Oddity
Joined
Apr 3, 2009
Messages
3,053
MBTI Type
E.T.
Enneagram
7w8
... so please help me type him, so that can help me avoiding guys like him. He's a bit of a pain in the ass and it took a long time until my mother realized what person he really was.

- My father is a teacher. He chose this profession, because he only knew two professions, which were teacher and carpenter. Then he chose to become a teacher because he was too clumsy to become a carpenter.
- Loves getting attention.
- Has a warm charisma.
- He once tried to write a book. When no one wanted to publish that one book, he gave up on writing. He doesn't want me to write stuff either.
- When he visits someone, he starts talking about his problems immediately.
- He hates psychologists.
- He loves making a fool of me in front of others and when I ask him to stop, he tells me that I shouldn't ask him to stop, because if I do that, I'm being unsocial.
- When I make a fool of him (I'm nice enough to do that when no one is around), he becomes angry and starts yelling and kicking.
- Violent, a yeller.
- A few years ago, he ruined the car of one of our neighbors, because he was burning rubber in his back yard.
- Last week, I went to a party and I arrived home early because it was to boring. I told my father about this boringness. He immediately wanted to know which people where attending the party and who of them was boring. He didn't get it when I told him that the whole party was boring, and he asked me again which people at that party were boring. I didn't answer, because there were just too many people at that party. His response: "You expect way too much of other people!!! Like you're so dynamic!" Okay...
- He loves talking about his day at work and the people he hates and why he hates them.
- When my mother or I start telling about our day, he refuses to listen, because it's boring. Therefor my father doesn't know anything about what happened in my life from age 12 till now.
- When my father is downstairs and I am upstairs doing my homework, my father frequently asks me to come downstairs to open the door for our cat.
- Sneezes very loudly (you can hear it 200 meters away!).
- Loves routine and doesn't quite get me, because I don't like routine.
- Plans everything and he doesn't get it when I get on the train without even knowing where I would like to go.
- After he graduated from his university, he stayed unemployed for another 20years, because "working will never pay off anyway".
- Makes strange connections between things, that simply don't make sense.
- When he just downloaded a song, he plays it on the loudest volume, the whole evening, every day, until he gets bored of it. Then doesn't listen to anything else.
- During dinner, he turns on Sesame Street, because after Sesame Street they always play this annoying song that I absolutely hate. When that song starts, he sings along with it very loudly, just to annoy me.
- Eats tomatoes all day long, because they're healthy. What he doesn't know, is that all these tomatoes cause his diarrhea. His diarrea is so bad, that appearantly he has to take off his glasses before he goes to the bathroom.
- Hates teenagers.
- Hates parties.
- Hates dogs.
- Loves cats.
- Coughs all day long (even though he never smoked)
- Makes vomitting sounds while brushing his teeth.
- When he just went to the bathroom, he first goes to another room and when he reached the outher room (meanwhile he already touched about 3 door handles) THEN he washes his hands. When someone asks him why he doesn't use the tap in the bathroom, he says he just doesn't like that tap. Eww.
- Doesn't accept it when someone doesn't agree with him and he accuses people who don't agree with him from "always disagreeing woth everyone just because they like disagreeing with everyone!!!".
- Manipulates.
 

Skyward

Badoom~
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
1,084
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
9w1
... so please help me type him, so that can help me avoiding guys like him. He's a bit of a pain in the ass and it took a long time until my mother realized what person he really was.

- My father is a teacher. He chose this profession, because he only knew two professions, which were teacher and carpenter. Then he chose to become a teacher because he was too clumsy to become a carpenter.
- Loves getting attention.
- Has a warm charisma.
- He once tried to write a book. When no one wanted to publish that one book, he gave up on writing. He doesn't want me to write stuff either.
- When he visits someone, he starts talking about his problems immediately.
- He hates psychologists.
- He loves making a fool of me in front of others and when I ask him to stop, he tells me that I shouldn't ask him to stop, because if I do that, I'm being unsocial.
- When I make a fool of him (I'm nice enough to do that when no one is around), he becomes angry and starts yelling and kicking.
- Violent, a yeller.
- A few years ago, he ruined the car of one of our neighbors, because he was burning rubber in his back yard.
- Last week, I went to a party and I arrived home early because it was to boring. I told my father about this boringness. He immediately wanted to know which people where attending the party and who of them was boring. He didn't get it when I told him that the whole party was boring, and he asked me again which people at that party were boring. I didn't answer, because there were just too many people at that party. His response: "You expect way too much of other people!!! Like you're so dynamic!" Okay...
- He loves talking about his day at work and the people he hates and why he hates them.
- When my mother or I start telling about our day, he refuses to listen, because it's boring. Therefor my father doesn't know anything about what happened in my life from age 12 till now.
- When my father is downstairs and I am upstairs doing my homework, my father frequently asks me to come downstairs to open the door for our cat.
- Sneezes very loudly (you can hear it 200 meters away!).
- Loves routine and doesn't quite get me, because I don't like routine.
- Plans everything and he doesn't get it when I get on the train without even knowing where I would like to go.
- After he graduated from his university, he stayed unemployed for another 20years, because "working will never pay off anyway".
- Makes strange connections between things, that simply don't make sense.
- When he just downloaded a song, he plays it on the loudest volume, the whole evening, every day, until he gets bored of it. Then doesn't listen to anything else.
- During dinner, he turns on Sesame Street, because after Sesame Street they always play this annoying song that I absolutely hate. When that song starts, he sings along with it very loudly, just to annoy me.
- Eats tomatoes all day long, because they're healthy. What he doesn't know, is that all these tomatoes cause his diarrhea. His diarrea is so bad, that appearantly he has to take off his glasses before he goes to the bathroom.
- Hates teenagers.
- Hates parties.
- Hates dogs.
- Loves cats.
- Coughs all day long (even though he never smoked)
- Makes vomitting sounds while brushing his teeth.
- When he just went to the bathroom, he first goes to another room and when he reached the outher room (meanwhile he already touched about 3 door handles) THEN he washes his hands. When someone asks him why he doesn't use the tap in the bathroom, he says he just doesn't like that tap. Eww.
- Doesn't accept it when someone doesn't agree with him and he accuses people who don't agree with him from "always disagreeing with everyone just because they like disagreeing with everyone!!!".
- Manipulates.

I'm thinking bad ExFJ? that's the vibe I'm getting. From some of them he seems to be faking an illness to get attention (coughing all the time).

And my awesome INFJ dad, and zany INFJ mom, sneeze just as loud :D

Really, you shouldn't need type to figure out who is/n't like your dad. There's other ways to recognize patterns.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
50,192
MBTI Type
BELF
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594
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Really, you shouldn't need type to figure out who is/n't like your dad. There's other ways to recognize patterns.

That.

But I'm sorry your relationship with your dad hasn't been so hot... mostly because he doesn't get relationships nor knows how to respect the people around him.

My dad's the same way. It sucks.

I didn't need to break down type to avoid a guy like him and find someone who resonates with me. It was pretty clear in the first two minutes who wasn't like my father.

There are some good guys out there.
 

teslashock

Geolectric
Joined
Oct 27, 2009
Messages
1,690
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w6
You realize that by avoiding the people that share the same type with your dad, you're not actively avoiding assholes (at least not anymore than usual). If your dad is an ABCD and an asshole and you meet another guy who's ABCD, it's not a guarantee (nor is it more likely than other types) that he will be an asshole.
 

ajblaise

Minister of Propagandhi
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
7,914
MBTI Type
INTP
You realize that by avoiding the people that share the same type with your dad, you're not actively avoiding assholes (at least not anymore than usual). If your dad is an ABCD and an asshole and you meet another guy who's ABCD, it's not a guarantee (nor is it more likely than other types) that he will be an asshole.

Let's face it, if she avoids all ExTJ types, she's gonna be avoiding a lot of assholes.
 

Fluffywolf

Nips away your dignity
Joined
Mar 31, 2009
Messages
9,581
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sp/sx
I'd say ENTJ too. Seems most likely. But as said above. Don't judge people based on MBTI, clearly your father has certain strong views and opinions that clash with other people. That is not native to his MBTI type, it's native to his experiences and the choices he made in life.

ENTJ's are great, every type has people that can become like this. Reasons for why are plentiful. But from what I read is that he's angry at himself for not being the person he knows he could have been. He probably made some wrong choices in the past and never really accepted them and just sort of spiralled into a slightly destructive pattern, him vs the rest kinda thing.

Lots of yelling, in particularly reoccuring yelling in adults, are just about always people that know they're one way or another wrong, but overcompensate by angrily shouting about. At least in my experience.

My father is an ENTJ and I owe a lot to him for the person I am today. Even though I rarily agreed with him, and still don't, mostly because of his stubborness, of which I inherited a fair share too by the way. :p He still always did everything he did for my best interest in his opinion. And his opinion isn't at all bad.

Your fathers view on the world seems more skewed unfortunatly, and you can't respect descisions you know are inherently wrong, so I'm sorry you don't have a father you can get along with. But again, it's not his type speaking.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
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Messages
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You realize that by avoiding the people that share the same type with your dad, you're not actively avoiding assholes (at least not anymore than usual). If your dad is an ABCD and an asshole and you meet another guy who's ABCD, it's not a guarantee (nor is it more likely than other types) that he will be an asshole.

Sure, assholes come in lots of different flavors.

*rereads*


.... I can't believe I just said that!
 

Fluffywolf

Nips away your dignity
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Let's face it, if she avoids all ExTJ types, she'll gonna be avoiding a lot of assholes.


You'll run into assholes in your life and it's something you just have to deal with imo. But avoiding certain types won't do you much good. Everytype has their fair share of assholes. :p
 

JoSunshine

That's my name biotch!
Joined
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Messages
659
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eNfj
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I'm thinking ENxJ...what does he teach? What are his interests besides writing?

Anyway, I agree with the other posters that you can't avoid a "bad person" by avoiding a type. I'm an ENFJ as you dad may also be, but I am pretty sure I am nothing like what you describe. It's more a matter of healthy vs. unhealthy people.

BTW...sorry to hear about the situation you are living it. It must be very challenging at best.
 

ajblaise

Minister of Propagandhi
Joined
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Messages
7,914
MBTI Type
INTP
You'll run into assholes in your life and it's something you just have to deal with imo. But avoiding certain types won't do you much good. Everytype has their fair share of assholes. :p

Yeah everyone's different blah blah....

But ExTJs probably have a higher proportion of assholes than IxFPs, we all know that. It's not the same proportion for every type. Assholery is actually a fairly extroverted and non-empathetic activity, so it makes sense.
 

Queen Kat

The Duchess of Oddity
Joined
Apr 3, 2009
Messages
3,053
MBTI Type
E.T.
Enneagram
7w8
I'm thinking ENxJ...what does he teach? What are his interests besides writing?

He doesn't write anymore. I do write stuff, but I do it secretly (like I do most things secretly), because he doesn't want me to write. He teaches Dutch language and literature. He loves watching his favorite soccer team's matches (Feyenoord), but only on TV. He isn't really fanatic. He doesn't react happily when his team wins, he only curses if they lose. That's his only hobby, if you can even call it that way (does porn actually count as an interest? He seems to have a fetish for masturbating blondes with big boobs, as I discovered when I needed his pc to print my homework). He hasn't got any friends, but that doesn't matter, because he hates people anyway.
 

JoSunshine

That's my name biotch!
Joined
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Messages
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Hummm...well, that could be T or F...which is of absolutely no help, I know.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

failure to thrive
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Feb 20, 2009
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5,585
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sx/so
I also think unhealthy entj. He sounds like a guy I know who is immature, but not so unhealthy. While being at home sounds like a horrible situation for you, I doubt you'll meet anyone quite like your dad......unless you try. ;)
 

Anastar

New member
Joined
Oct 21, 2009
Messages
27
I believe your father is an ESTJ. My father was an abusive ENTJ, more than likely because he came from an abusive household himself. He was capable of seeing the bigger picture, was very driven and successful and was always at the top because he would settle for nothing less. He worked very hard, was always traveling for business, and had goals and plans. He was successful at anything he set his mind to.

He loved money, not because he cared about himself, but because it was a representation of power and success.

Arguing and debating were fun things for him, and he respected those who could "fight back."

He could be whiny and manipulative and when I learned to do it in turn he called me "spirited."

Interestingly enough he married an ENFP, my mother.
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
8,491
Hmm, and here I thought ISFP.

My interactions with ETJs have always been characterized by fun and sex, so my experience doesn't really match to...uhhh...everyone else's.
 

Sinmara

Not Your Therapist
Joined
Nov 9, 2009
Messages
1,075
MBTI Type
INFJ
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6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I agree that your dad is an ESTJ. He sounds like my mom. A few things they have in common (just a few because your dad and my mom match traits from pretty much your whole list)

- Loves attention
- Embarrasses me in front of other people and either gets angry at me or demeans me when I point it out
- Can point out and discuss my faults all day long, but if I point out her faults she gets angry and defensive to the point of excess
- Becomes passive-agressive and sarcastic when I offend her, manipulative
- Would force me to go to social situations of her choosing (even paid me cash to go to church when I began to push away from it)
- Would ask me to bring things to her that are literally within arms reach when I am across the room
- When she gets hooked on a song she will listen to nothing but that song on repeat for days, sometimes weeks, at top volume
- Purposefully does things that irritate and piss me off to amuse herself (this behavior has been remarked upon by others)
- If I don't agree with her or listen to what she says, she accuses me of thinking I'm soooo important and soooo much better than her to think that I can just make my own decisions without listening to anyone else (irony, there)

Yep, ESTJ.
 

Jaguar

Active member
Joined
May 5, 2007
Messages
20,647
I agree that your dad is an ESTJ. He sounds like my mom. A few things they have in common (just a few because your dad and my mom match traits from pretty much your whole list)

- Loves attention
- Embarrasses me in front of other people and either gets angry at me or demeans me when I point it out
- Can point out and discuss my faults all day long, but if I point out her faults she gets angry and defensive to the point of excess
- Becomes passive-agressive and sarcastic when I offend her, manipulative
- Would force me to go to social situations of her choosing (even paid me cash to go to church when I began to push away from it)
- Would ask me to bring things to her that are literally within arms reach when I am across the room
- When she gets hooked on a song she will listen to nothing but that song on repeat for days, sometimes weeks, at top volume
- Purposefully does things that irritate and piss me off to amuse herself (this behavior has been remarked upon by others)
- If I don't agree with her or listen to what she says, she accuses me of thinking I'm soooo important and soooo much better than her to think that I can just make my own decisions without listening to anyone else (irony, there)

Here we go again. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. My Mommy is mean so she's ESTJ.
 

Stanton Moore

morose bourgeoisie
Joined
Mar 4, 2009
Messages
3,900
MBTI Type
INFP
Saint Kat:

YOu're how old? 18 or 19? I wouldn't worry too much about ending up with someone like your dad at this early stage.
 
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