The first time anyone analyzed my type
The teacher asked me to copy something and write.
Among other things she said I was dominated by brain
Only a bit by heart, only when I asked once again.
When I was 18, I took an MBTI test
Because my psych teacher was being a pest
I took it the way I had always aspired to be
And please don't be shocked - I wasn't ENFP.
Rather, I was quite a clear ISTJ -
It couldn't be interpreted any other way
18 for I, 19 for S, 20 for T, and 19 for J
Out of 20 of course, which kinda blew me away.
My classmates all asked what the hell I was
And when I said that, no one put up a much fuss.
All along I was an alien, a strange little witch
Now everyone had a reason why I was a cold-hearted bitch.
Even my family acted like it was a fact.
Although they admittedly had a bit more tact.
And said, "I can see that it's true."
And my aunt was a psychologist, too.
So ISTJ I was for four long years,
During which time and after many tears
I realized that since then I had changed quite a bit
And this MBTI test suddenly came back to my wit.
Then I wondered if since I had changed so much
If my core may have changed a little as such
So I took the test once again, expecting ISTJ
But, what the fuck, I tested INTJ!
"WAIT, that's wrong," I thought with utter dismay!
I must be having a truly rotten day.
Or the test is just crap; it was evaluated wrong,
These results sound as weird as an EMINEM song.
Okay, it's all good, I'll take it once more.
Surely the next one will be correctly scored,
And I will be safe in my ISTJ hole
Where I can be a kind, content little mole.
But to my annoyance, again came the exact same result
It popped up on the screen like a rotten insult
INTJ! INTJ! There can be no doubt.
Quit contorting your face into a strange pig's snout!
No contrivance or contusions can change the truth
INTJ is how you'll stay for all time until death.
You being an S? How strange and bizarre.
Ni is your dominant function, so RAWRRRRRRR!
And so this is how it stayed for four freaking years
And only after procrastinating and amidst many tears
Did my score manage to say something else I could be
And then - go freaking figure - it was INTP!
But that only stayed that way for a day or two
And then came the result, tested, tried and true
Like a cat-calling monkey or a whale kept at bay
Holy fucking shit, you're still INTJ.
God damn it, I thought, tell me it's fake.
There must be something else lying barely awake
But everyone reads the description, smiles, and nods
As if they thought, "Yep, it was determined by God."
Nothing did change until I moved far away.
Then I took the test, expecting IXTJ.
And what the hell, who would have expected the day?
Now it told me I'm a freaking INFJ.
DAMN IT! AGAIN - The fool thing cannot work.
Every time I take it, I feel like a bloody, dumb jerk.
WHERE the hell does this bloody EFF COME???
My whole life I've been T - fuck it, I'm done.
Read a bunch of shit, and again, all agree
Nothing else in hell ever could be.
You're definitely a bloody INFJ.
You? A T? HA! That'll be the day.
Oh, brother, if they only knew - I thought with a grimace
Of the days where they probably would have thought me a grinch
Who stole Christmas past - a grumpy old fart
Who never really had much of a heart.
But then, that's not all - the best was yet to be.
Because after that, I tested bloody INFP.
P??? P??? Tell me that's a lousy joke!!!!!
I've been J all my life. Somebody give me a poke
And wake my crazy ass up. This cannot be real.
Someone tell me this was just for status appeal.
Took it again, and again, and again, but no way back.
INFP it was - INFP it stayed, steady, on track.
So then I gave up, and figured this was just dumb
How can your freaking mind change, even if rendered numb?
Could a change change so much, and alter your mind,
Or change you quite irrespective of time?
NO. That's it. It cannot be right.
But try as I could with all of my might,
I could not avoid the last major shift
When all of my previous conceptions turned completely to shit.
For then, just when I thought nothing more was possible
Happened something which was simply inconceivable.
Once again I took this lame-ass test - woe is me!
And for the first time ever, I tested as E.
Great! Just when I thought nothing else could occur,
Life just rolls around and turns into one massive blur.
This test says I'm E, negates over 20 years of thought
Could it be that one massive change could have wrought
Such a change in perceptions, a change in mind itself?
Maybe I'm confused and just lost all connection to self?
Or is this test just a pile of shit?
Could it be I'm just losing it?
Damn it, maybe I have a disease - you know, a serious case of MPD?
'Cause now this bloody thing's telling me I'm an ENFP.
And not only that, but depending on the day,
The fucking thing tells me I'm an ENFJ.
The I in me is gone, gone forever astray.
Yep, god damn it, I'm an ENFJ.
Let's ask for advice, this is over and above me.
I'm starting to feel like a silly, crazy dummy.
So I went out there, asking for some from close friends,
And I decided never to do that EVER again.
That was about as helpful as a rock in the mud.
Either they got distracted or were dumb as a dud.
Okay, let's ask my husband, surely he'll know.
Okay, he didn't know me before I started to grow.
But he knows me better than any man alive.
Maybe he could give me an objective view on how I jive.
No go. Every time a fucking long-winded answer.
Even worse, his inconsistencies drove me to anger.
Okay, who the hell can tell me what all of this means?
Will the answer only come one day in my dreams?
So I went to a place called Typology Central.
Where people are concerned with everything mental.
Surely these experts will give me a hint.
Through this dense unruly fog, surely they'll give me a flint.
And then something unexpected did happen.
They told me something weird, "Oh captain, my captain,
You could be ESTJ, ENTJ, ENFJ or ENFP
You could be INTJ, ISTJ, ISFJ, or ISTP.
You could very well be ESFJ, ESTP, ENTP or ESFP;
Then again you could be INFJ, INFP, ISFP, or INTP.
Just when I was worried I was turning into a bore
Five thousand people confused me even much more.
Now if you can offer a piece of advice or two
To make my worries even a bit subdued
I'd be utterly grateful, because to be quite honest
If I cannot figure this out, I'm just giving it a rest.