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  1. #1
    Senior Member Sandy's Avatar
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    Default Would this be a personality type issue?

    If you have a moment, please let me know your thoughts on this type of person: The mother who made the myspace site (it's long but you need to get the full story to see why I am questioning this)

    What kind of person would do something like she did? Is this a personality issue or would this be more about her being a sociopath? (this would be my thinking, but I don't know) Any thoughts?
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    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    It could be a mildly neurotic FJ type. The person was doing it to "get back at" this girl for having a falling out with/ending her friendship with her daughter. She (the mother of the friend) was sort of trying to inflict pain on Megan by gaining her trust and betraying her, in order to hurt her in the same way she felt her daughter (the former friend of Megan) had been hurt. She felt like she was showing Megan what betrayal felt like, and trying to hurt her reputation in order to avenge the loss in social status/emotional pain she feels her daughter might have suffered. In a weird way, she was protecting her daughter. She even presented it as a "joke," to a few other people to make it more acceptable, involving them so that it would feel more like doing something sanctioned by other people than a secret personal quest against someone.

    What's really creepy is, I understand why she did it, but I like to think I wouldn't do that. I'm not sure that I would never consider something like that, however, especially if I believed someone intentionally hurt/betrayed someone close to me.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Sandy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by athenian200 View Post
    It could be a mildly neurotic FJ type. The person was doing it to "get back at" this girl for having a falling out with/ending her friendship with her daughter. She (the mother of the friend) was sort of trying to inflict pain on Megan by gaining her trust and betraying her, in order to hurt her in the same way she felt her daughter (the former friend of Megan) had been hurt. She felt like she was showing Megan what betrayal felt like, and trying to hurt her reputation in order to avenge the loss in social status/emotional pain she feels her daughter might have suffered. In a weird way, she was protecting her daughter. She even presented it as a "joke," to a few other people to make it more acceptable, involving them so that it would feel more like doing something sanctioned by other people than a secret personal quest against someone.
    FJ type... I wasn't sure, but it's interesting how you came to that.

    What's really creepy is, I understand why she did it, but I like to think I wouldn't do that. I'm not sure that I would never consider something like that, however, especially if I believed someone intentionally hurt/betrayed someone close to me.
    I understand, too, but to actually cross that line... I can't imagine. This case has been a constant on my mind... and I am concerned, too, because the swell of anger and a chorus of vigilanteism seems to be ringing through the whole city. Anyway, thanks so much for your input, athenian!

    Anybody else has any thoughts?
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    I think the law is a very clunky and inexact tool.

    Especially in this case -- I think there should be some kind of intermediary, some kind of 'truth and reconciliation' panel, perhaps the intervention of counselors or perhaps religious elders (pastors?) who could supervise not only a meeting between the families, but some kind of community dialogue and healing. And of course, ensure the problem gets nipped in the bud legally and there is a framework of prevention.

    Of course to do that, you have to be able to clearly name and identify the problem. Hiding things is sinister, it only lets unwanted things thrive and fester.

    I can see many parents getting all nutty and become children themselves just like the family in the article. Wasn't there that mom who killed a girl and her mother who was a rival cheerleader? I've heard of dads who physically assault umpires in little league matches.

    I think sometimes parents identify too strongly with their children. These adults have never completed processed or healed their hurts from teasing, alienation, anxiety, and failure as children OR as adults and go beyond projecting onto their kids. Their children are like a biblical rebirth of themselves.

    On top of that, I find that in America a lot of parents have no idea what it means to 'be the parent' and are obsessed with having their children 'like them' and they want to be 'hip' --> this thought is foreign to me. I know when I'm a parent I will not give a damn if my kids like me or 'hate me' as long I can keep them safe and raise them right. As kids, my brother and I barely bothered with hating my parents, because we knew they don't give a damn and they can't be manipulated by it. They were not hip. They did not care.

    So while this case is startling, it touches on a lot of pathological issues within the larger community I think and absolutely it's to everyone's bet interest to deal with it and nip it in the bud.

    And it is absolutely an injustice to everyone involved and for the community to just let it end like this.

    For one thing, the family involved in the myspace site -- my god, they are going to turn into monsters. Right now, they did something of monster proportions, but it's how they deal with it that will seal their fate.

    Plus if what you say is true, I wouldn't be surprised if something bad happens to them...People are funny, once a target has been chosen society does not let the target get away scot free.

    If they are left off the hook, not only will they will have to justify pushing a girl to suicide, they will probably paint it out that they are the victims, pushing the idea more that they whatever they do is right. And all the perpretrators will continue to have extremely grey morals that could very easily victimize someone else some day. This family's daughter is going to grow up an ambiguously moraled nightmare.

    I'm sure what they are getting fed is, "It's okay, you are a good person with good intentions and this girl who killed herself was troubled and now that she's dead life is for the living, so you hold your head up high knowing you are good".

    Okay, I'm rambling now. But geez, the stuff you read everyday...

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    Just from the article, I can't really discern a type.

    It was just a cruel, immature behavior on the part of the adults in question. Immaturity, really.

    Mature parents would have gone to the other parents and figured out how to handle the situation. They don't play immature mind-games with children.

    I think they are lucky that, legally, nothing could be pinned to them -- and darn lucky that the dead girl's parents had as much self-control as they've been showing.
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    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Just from the article, I can't really discern a type.

    It was just a cruel, immature behavior on the part of the adults in question. Immaturity, really.

    Mature parents would have gone to the other parents and figured out how to handle the situation. They don't play immature mind-games with children.

    I think they are lucky that, legally, nothing could be pinned to them -- and darn lucky that the dead girl's parents had as much self-control as they've been showing.
    Well... does the fact that they were immature and cruel preclude them from being immature examples of any particular type? I imagine an immature INFP is very different from an immature ESTJ, for instance.

    I'd agree that their behavior wasn't the best course of action, but I don't think they really had any idea they could have that impact, and I sort of understand their motivation. I would be too worried about hurting the person, or else that they might find out what I was doing, and then do something back, etc.

    I don't know what it's like to be them, or what really triggered it. For all we know, there could have been a rivalry between these people that they didn't talk about or admit to, maybe they've had a history of little "snipes" at one another because of their mutual dislike, and it just went too far. Maybe the end of that first friendship was much more heated, stressful, and full of mutual hate and backstabbing than they let on.

    The first inclination is to assume that one person is the victim, and the other is responsible, but there could be more to it than that. I just don't see this as a "cut and dried" issue. (Then again, I'm Ni dominant and rarely want to take anything at face value.)

  7. #7

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    What kind of person would do something like she did? Is this a personality issue or would this be more about her being a sociopath? (this would be my thinking, but I don't know) Any thoughts
    If I had to guess a type for the mother, I'd go with a very unhealthy SFJ. I'm going with FJ, just because I tend to think covert-aggressors tend to be more Fs than Ts. She didn't seem able (or didn't care) to see the ramifications of her actions. She also seemed manipulative and controlling. I mean, seriously, to impersonate a 16 year old boy to fool a 13 year old girl is beyond immature.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer
    Mature parents would have gone to the other parents and figured out how to handle the situation. They don't play immature mind-games with children.
    Definitely, a mature mother (from any type) wouldn't handle a fallout like that.

    Edit - Actually, after some thought, I'll go with FJ only, as a guess.
    Last edited by Eve; 11-19-2007 at 08:10 AM.

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