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  1. #1
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    Default Desperate about finding my boyfriend's type :(....

    I had already opened a thread in which I asked for your help considering the typing of my bf.
    however, over time, I am still so completely clueless regarding his type, it drives me crazy :/..... Maybe is is an x-case.....and I guess it has to do with my INJF-personality that I just cannot accept this insecurity....mh...wait... wouldn't I actually like ambiguity as a N? however.........I'm still desperate somehow....
    He has tested as ISFP, INFP, ENFP, INFJ and ENTP, the latter two only once.
    He has read the bestfit-profiles and argues ENFP is his best fit, but many things in the ISFP and INFP-profiles also fit. naturally, the first three share Fi, and somehow I am pretty sure about him being an F.
    However, he and me really cannot decide on S/N and I/E. I think in either case, he must be close on those scales..........
    He has read the functions and says he cannot identify with Se at all, that this is not him....... he says he mostly identifies with Ne and Fi, though he cannot decide on the order.....
    I do see Ne in him, but at other times, I do see Se or at least very much S in him (he likes to play all kind of games with his friends, RP, table games etc. and finds this fulfilling).
    I guess it's mostly me engaging him in theoretical discussions, but when I bring up theoretic issues he is interested and likes talking about it. I know none of these things really clearly point into either direction ......
    sometimes I think he just can't be NF because I consider myself much more empathetic than him, and he isn't very good at creative/literary writing or
    interpreting poems..........on the other hand, he is very creative with neologisms, combining strange things and creating something new, and is
    really good at puns and makes a lot of word games......
    I don't know where this limited bit of data is getting at, I'm sorry.
    I just find it so hard to type him, and always when I think I have figured out his type I see something which does not fit. I am aware of the fact that people can operate in ALL FUNCTIONS, and that people are complex and that MBTI is only about PREFERENCE. still, I'd really like to figure out his preferences in order to help him develop and grow. I know this is not only depending on MBTI, but I'd really consider it helpful....
    Do you have any ideas?
    Sorry to come up with this topic again and again :confused::sad::ouch:

  2. #2
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Hi

    Hmm, from my experience the only types I knew ever really intrested in tabletop games were INTPs, INFPs, ENTPs and an occasional INTJ. Given he would play RPGs and fantasy related stuff, I'ld definitly give him the N notion ( not that Sensors dont do that, I just never seen one who took it real serious ).

    Well hard to say, I am leaning towards INFP or ENTP. Ne and Si make sense tho so far
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    Hi

    Hmm, from my experience the only types I knew ever really intrested in tabletop games were INTPs, INFPs, ENTPs and an occasional INTJ. Given he would play RPGs and fantasy related stuff, I'ld definitly give him the N notion ( not that Sensors dont do that, I just never seen one who took it real serious ).

    Well hard to say, I am leaning towards INFP or ENTP. Ne and Si make sense tho so far
    Thank you a lot for you answer and your suggestions. I'm really sorry for my bad English, but I noticed that I actually used a wrong term when saying "table games"....I actually meant board games (he is into KREML a lot).
    However, most of his times he plays DnD and KREML, but enjoys other games that I don't remember.... Do you think this makes a difference regarding your leaning towards N?
    I appologize for my ignorance, I just don't play any kind of games.

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    Ah, forgot to mention that he takes RPGs very serious ....

  5. #5
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Hmm, hard to say, of course typing someone by his preferance for certain games is vague at best. I never played Dungeons and Dragons or Kreml so I cant really tell.

    Do you have any other things you can say about him, like tell a story from a evening you spent together or a journey and some things he said you remember ?

    (BTW: no problem regarding the english, my english also sucks )
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

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    Senior Member Space_Oddity's Avatar
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    If he's kind of N-ish, but you're not really sure about NF or NT, try considering ESTJ with very high Ne (or ISTJ if he's more introverted). I haven't read your first thread on him, but what you wrote reminds me a lot of my ISTJ boyfriend and my ESTJ teacher from high school. Specifically, this all fits:

    he likes to play all kind of games with his friends, RP, table games etc. and finds this fulfilling.

    I guess it's mostly me engaging him in theoretical discussions, but when I bring up theoretic issues he is interested and likes talking about it.

    sometimes I think he just can't be NF because I consider myself much more empathetic than him, and he isn't very good at creative/literary writing or interpreting poems..........on the other hand, he is very creative with neologisms, combining strange things and creating something new, and is really good at puns and makes a lot of word games......
    On the other hand, if you're sure he's not a J and doubt ENFP, try considering ESFP. Sometimes it's not easy to distinguish between those two. I've met both ESFP males who were geeky and playful and those who were very interested in abstract topics. You might try to find out if he listens to music etc. primarily because of 'sensory pleasures' (Se) or because it's food for his imagination (Ne), for instance.

  7. #7
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    Hm...okay, I can give you some descriptions or stories from an evening or a journey etc. But I'm warning you that they are VERY random ...

    - the last evening we spent together I showed him my Playmobil Advent Calender (which is a scene from a riding farm; in case you do not know Playmobil - kind of similar to lego, but with less details) and we built it together. then he stated playing with it in that e.g. he put one of the figures onto a horse, putting a fork into the figure's hand and pretending it to be a knight in a fight..... me made up little stories about a CIA agent trying to detect a murder etc., a lot of random stuff that actually had nothing to do with the original scene (pony farm, horses etc).

    - When we meet we usually do things like going to a bar drinking and talking, to the movies, ach, this is really uninformative I guess......

    It's kind of hard to remember specific things we talked about....I'll just try.....

    - He can be very quiet, and lately I talked to him about his being quiet (which can be a problem, since I can be very quiet, too.). He then always argues that he cannot think of thinks to say when he is under pressure , which he sometimes seems to be when I claim that I am initiating a lot of topics to talk about. In general when we are arguing he closes down and sometimes stops saying anything. this is really characteristic of him when he has to do with conflict. when I ask him why he gets quiet in such situations, he tells me he is continuously thinking "insinde" in a mode of "meta-thinking" like "now I am supposed to answer, but maybe the answer isn't right, so I shouldn't say it, but wait, now I am already not saying anything which is exactly the point she has accused me of".

    - He does in fact talk a lot about what he has done on a specific day (S), but I can't think of a concrete example.....

    - When we are outside together he is very engaged with the outer world, always noticing certain things or details that I don't see. However, from my perspective, he always puts them into connections. One example:
    He showed me a poster which was an advertisement for a shoe-store, which showed only the face of a man, and he told me that he found it strange that shoe-stores (in general) advertise their shoes with only showing people's faces (and not people wearing those shoes e.g.).

    - actually we first met on a trip to bulgaria (he was a friend of my friend of mine), and there e.g. we talked a lot about music and bands we liked. he talked about this song and video he liked YouTube - Wir Sind Helden - Nur ein Wort
    I like it too because it involves so many great worrdplays. I stated singing this song as we left our hotel-room and went outside, and he joined me and we sang this song together.

    - he pointed out a restaurant in which people were playing karaoke and found it strangely funny that the restaurant (in bulgaria) was full of finnish people playing finnish karaoke

    - Our first "date" was 24 hours long , and we talked for about 10 hours through. we eventually openly talked about wanting to be a couple before making any physical contact. he said he liked me because he thought I was a fascinating, intelligent and funny personality

    - he did not have a girlfriend before me. he often told me he often felt as the outsider as a kid, and named this as the reason why he became the class clown. he says he always liked outsiders the best. but nevertheless wanted to have friends and belong to a group of people, even though he felt different and very often felt lonely and that his "friends" often abandoned him. he told of one instance when a girl was alone with him and told him that she actually liked him but couldn't show that in front of the others.
    guess he was often mobbed as a friends in similar ways.

    - he says he has difficulties with talking about his feelings/motives etc. because no one ever cared for those things (parents, "friends" etc.).

    - he told me he wants to do a job in which he is not only programming (studies computer science) but rather developing something. working in a team is very important for him.

    - he has a very childlike quality. e.g. he would take my teddy bear (yes, I am aware of the fact that it is ridiculous to have a teddy bear still, but....I love him) and do some "role-playing" with him....don't know how to describe it in a better way.....

    - he is extremely good at giving personal presents. i have never gotten anything from him that wasn't extremely personal, e.g. a self-made t-shirt with a picture of "Daria" (from the series), because he knows I love this series

    - he says that he really appreciates that I want to help him "grow", and in a way "inspire" him

    - He likes to talk about politics, and about how injust he finds global economy. In this approach, he is rather "people-oriented", don't know how to put it.....he hates social injustice on a national and inernational level.


    uff. I am really sorry, I guess I could go on for hours, and it'd still be only random stuff ... thank you for bothering with all this stuff, even though I don't know if it helps at all......

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Space_Oddity View Post
    If he's kind of N-ish, but you're not really sure about NF or NT, try considering ESTJ with very high Ne (or ISTJ if he's more introverted). I haven't read your first thread on him, but what you wrote reminds me a lot of my ISTJ boyfriend and my ESTJ teacher from high school. Specifically, this all fits:



    On the other hand, if you're sure he's not a J and doubt ENFP, try considering ESFP. Sometimes it's not easy to distinguish between those two. I've met both ESFP males who were geeky and playful and those who were very interested in abstract topics. You might try to find out if he listens to music etc. primarily because of 'sensory pleasures' (Se) or because it's food for his imagination (Ne), for instance.
    Thank you a lot. I will consider ISTJ. Even though I am quite sure he must be a P..... I would exclure ESTJ.....because my dad is one, and he is so extremely UNLIKE him in ALL aspects....I know, no two persons of one type are alike.......but....they are polar opposites.
    I'll also consider ESFP....... I think he does both concerning to music ....

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  10. #10
    Senior Member MonkeyGrass's Avatar
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    Actually, this sounds a lot like INTJ-in-love behavior to me.


    INTJs can feel more comfortable talking about the details of their day early on in a relationship, because they know they *should* be talking, and recalling details is a lot easier than getting the conversational ball rolling about something emotionally meaningful. For them, including you in the mundane details can act as a step towards self-disclosure and intimacy. A little clumsy, but endearing.
    I think I think more than you think I think.

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