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  1. #1
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    Default ENFP-boyfriend or not....

    Ahem, this does not mean.......should I get an ENFP boyfriend or not:laughing:, but that I have one.
    At least HE says that he is an ENFP. he has done A LOT of different tests and gotten many different results, like: ISFP, INFP, INFJ, ENFP and ENTP. those were all...... at first, he thought ISFP and then INFP but when he read the ENFP-profile on the bestfittype page, he said that this is more like him than any other desciption he has read (even though not everything fits him there)..... soooo...he has indentified with an ENFP. the thing is.......mmmmh.....I'm not sooo sure, since I know at least one ENFP who is ENFP for certain (beyong aaany doubt)....and she is quite different from him..... in that she is really more crazy. that's not meant in a negative way.....she is so outgoing, makes a lot of jokes and connetions which are really funny....rather similar to an interview of Robin Williams I have seen. My bf can be so really funny too, making similar jokes....but...don*t know how to put it.....he does not appear as constantly creative and crazy like the girl I know...... I know, there are interpersonal differences, since no idividuals of a type are alike, and the girl could be an extreme E and N while my bf could be a weak E and N.
    ....so...what was my question........ do you think ENFPs can be (or come across, or behave) rather quietly? I hope you know what I mean by this....since I am of couse aware of the fact that extraverts can be quiet and shy and all. My bf is an extravert for sure, getting energy and becoming quite animated in groups, but not so often in one-on-ones.

  2. #2

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    I think often ENFPs can be shy or quiet. You only really get to see him one on one with an INFJ female who he is dating. So this is the one on one dynamic you'll know. When dating we can get more serious and you might see a lot more of that side. My dynamic with an INFJ female I know, is many philosophical conversations and close chats when one on one. Sort of a homely feel. Though in groups and at parties she couldn't miss the Ne dom part. Chat to anyone and everyone about most topics.

    I would start questioning ENFP if you don't see him ever do the ENFP stuff the other does. ENFPs can be quiet, but very few get through without being seen as being a little crazy and strange. Board and card games can be an extreme give away. If he plays them completely seriously at all times, question the ENFP part. I can't help playing weird tactics or making silly references (even in the most conservative settings).

    If he isn't ENFP, which of the others would you want to type him as instead?
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by noigmn View Post
    I think often ENFPs can be shy or quiet. You only really get to see him one on one with an INFJ female who he is dating. So this is the one on one dynamic you'll know. When dating we can get more serious and you might see a lot more of that side. My dynamic with an INFJ female I know, is many philosophical conversations and close chats when one on one. Sort of a homely feel. Though in groups and at parties she couldn't miss the Ne dom part. Chat to anyone and everyone about most topics.

    I would start questioning ENFP if you don't see him ever do the ENFP stuff the other does. ENFPs can be quiet, but very few get through without being seen as being a little crazy and strange. Board and card games can be an extreme give away. If he plays them completely seriously at all times, question the ENFP part. I can't help playing weird tactics or making silly references (even in the most conservative settings).

    If he isn't ENFP, which of the others would you want to type him as instead?
    mh....I am now thinking about him playing board and card games....and I'm not quite sure whether he is completely serious all the time while playing those....mhmh...I'd say he rather is....it's hard for me to come to a conclusion here. I think he does not take them as seriously as his fellow players, but I guess he is annoyed if someone is deliberately rejecting to play.
    I have such a hard time typing him...he gets very lively and loud when in a group, though I wouldn't say he talks to everyone on parties.
    I thought that he might be ISFP or INFP, since I could see stuff related to Fi....maybe rather INFP, because I see Ne, but not Se. However, this is only my perspective. He has read the functions, and says he mostly relates to Ne, and doesn't relate to Se at all. However, he is very sensitive to personal criticism, and when attacked he starts to retreat.......argh, I just really really don't know how to type him....

  4. #4
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    Default

    Wait, I am thinking of another thing, which partly contradicts what I've been saying.... I have noticed that even though he can be really serious on one-on-ones, he sometimes makes silly remarks even when talking about serious topics.....I think he even though he is serious often he wants everyone to be happy .....

  5. #5

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    Hmmm... I don't always talk to everyone at parties, but I don't like ignoring anyone I know or might want to know. I don't really mind who joins a board game, it's people's right to do whatever they choose.

    On the criticism, ENFPs might retreat from INFJ criticism a little because it hits at the uncomfortable points. Well in a sense they are asking something that at first glance makes no sense to us. It's a type relation, so goes both ways. Both types come in from the other's blind spot. And if you look again afterwards, most arguments are just misinterpretations. So if he is ENFP, he'll probably throw some criticism back which will hit at sensitive points with you too. Or else he'll avoid it because he sees it meaning pointless conflict. If both are happy there's normally not much fuss though. I have pretty smooth relations with INFJs IRL.

    INFPs and ISFPs can be very social. More than ENFPs sometimes. IFPs can be a lot more enthusiastic and arty too.

    What are his strong points? Like what does he do well, and how does he approach the things he does well?

    Youtube is your friend also with this typing stuff. The best way to get types is to see them. Type in whatever type and look at the videos. Guys of each type can be quite different to girls due to gender and social things bringing out different personality traits more.
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by noigmn View Post
    Hmmm... I don't always talk to everyone at parties, but I don't like ignoring anyone I know or might want to know. I don't really mind who joins a board game, it's people's right to do whatever they choose.

    On the criticism, ENFPs might retreat from INFJ criticism a little because it hits at the uncomfortable points. Well in a sense they are asking something that at first glance makes no sense to us. It's a type relation, so goes both ways. Both types come in from the other's blind spot. And if you look again afterwards, most arguments are just misinterpretations. So if he is ENFP, he'll probably throw some criticism back which will hit at sensitive points with you too. Or else he'll avoid it because he sees it meaning pointless conflict. If both are happy there's normally not much fuss though. I have pretty smooth relations with INFJs IRL.

    INFPs and ISFPs can be very social. More than ENFPs sometimes. IFPs can be a lot more enthusiastic and arty too.

    What are his strong points? Like what does he do well, and how does he approach the things he does well?

    Youtube is your friend also with this typing stuff. The best way to get types is to see them. Type in whatever type and look at the videos. Guys of each type can be quite different to girls due to gender and social things bringing out different personality traits more.
    Sometimes in an argument he sometimes does throw back some criticism which hits a sensitive point with me, but on the other hand, sometimes he just seems to give up, retreat to his mind and stop arguing at all.
    The thing that made me doubt him being an INFP or ISFP ist that he isn't artsy at all.....not in that he acutually creates things, like drawing, writing etc. He is quite creative in creating neologisms and word-plays.....but he'd never write those down or make anything with it that exceeds the fun of the moment..... hard to say. He wants to start his own business, with a kind of innovative idea, and is acutually working on that with a friend (applying for sponsorships etc.).
    I find it somewhat hard to say what his strong points are .... When he is really interested in something, he will be good at it. I'd say he is good at playing the drums, good at cumputer programming, very good at persuading someboby...not in a really direct sence, but in that afterwards you notice that you have been persuaded; quite good at defending himself and his point of views in a rather subtle way, which is hard to explain. Like before, afterwards you don't know why you accused him of something in the first place. He is extremely loyal to all of friends, would do anything for them even if he has to make sacrifices himself, but on the other hand can never be talked into anything he doesn't like. He's very good at reading people, also very sensitive to body language and eye contact. He stands up for people he think's are being treated in an unfair way.

    What we mostly argue about is our difference concerning ambition/laziness/procrastinating.....I am, ahem, rather strict concerning those things, take deadlines very seriously and every assignment I have. He often prefers fun over work, which is hard for me to understand, and he is not a planner at all.
    however, he always says he wants to do this, and do that, und study, and get his own business etc., but very often he doesn't do anything about it.
    the secon point we argue about is our differing need for privacy. he can spent 10 hours and more with his friends, which I could never ever do. except maybe with one close friend on a journey. he never wants to leave at at a party.

    sooo. that's it for the moment....omg, I've been chatting about those rather private relationshippy-boring-issues here .....

    AH....one more thing: for some reason, I get really really really really talkative around him....I keep talking to him the whole night through. doesn't happen too often with other friends..... somehow I never exhaust when I*m with him.

    And....I have been watching a lot of different videos on youtube. So far it didn*t help much unfortunately..... The ENFPs didn't seem like him, they were far too "crazy" (not in a negative sense).....the INFPs on the other hand seemed.....don't know how to say it....rather too detached (?)..... I only spotted one ISFP who wasn't like him at all.....aaargh. just don't know what to make of him......(XXFP I guess).....

  7. #7

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    ENFPs vary a lot. He sounds very ENFP from what you have said. You described the type pretty well in your last message.

    All I can offer is advice on a few of the points. Approach will always be an area in ENFP/INFJ where there is difference. ENFPs don't plan, look organised, but look back at what they have achieved (if they let you know) and you'll get the feeling that they are either very, very smart or it works somehow. It is normally the second one. The open approach can be quite frustrating for J types though. To give an idea of why they do it, they are most uncomfortable in restricted, high detail, or repetitive situations. They have about as much chance of growing into this as you have of growing into an ESFP or ESTP. Everyone misses out on something, and this is our weak point. You'll occasionally see them do well under pressure, like near deadlines, so it looks like this is what they could be if they were more consistent. The problem is the deadline thing is sort of a rescue function, where you are put in a situation you have to get out of. They can't do it long term, any more than a person can live in extreme fear as a motivator. He will be most effective approaching things openly and getting input that raises his interest. Work rate is very well correlated with interest for ENFPs. And if he finds a path where he stays excited and motivated about life, ie. good job area, friend set up, etc. he will actually become far more balanced and consistent, and push more into the J area. He'll also write more lists and stuff as he gets older and Te develops. I'm 28 and organisation is something I quite like, repetitive stuff is still a drag though.

    The persuasion part is perception based. As gullible as we seem at times, reading thinking styles and perception are strong points. Subconsciously we can be quite aware of how someone will perceive things and how to correct their references to make them interpret something differently. So as you said, not direct. The idea is that you can't change reality, but you can change how people see it. Used in the right way it can be a very useful tool for improvement and change. Used in the wrong way it is straight out manipulative.

    Depending on his age, if he is ENFP, I would put money on the fact he writes; it will just be a private thing. You'd be amazed how little we are open about personal stuff. Because we seem so open on many levels, people find it easy to assume that there is nothing more and we aren't working toward something privately. There is a poll of dream careers for ENFPs somewhere on here, and writer wins it in a landslide. This can be another type difference also. INFJs and ENFPs are very open in the areas the other isn't. For some reason there is no urge to dig, maybe because of the illusion that they have given away things you would never give away, so can't be hiding the things you'd say easily.
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by noigmn View Post
    ENFPs vary a lot. He sounds very ENFP from what you have said. You described the type pretty well in your last message.

    All I can offer is advice on a few of the points. Approach will always be an area in ENFP/INFJ where there is difference. ENFPs don't plan, look organised, but look back at what they have achieved (if they let you know) and you'll get the feeling that they are either very, very smart or it works somehow. It is normally the second one. The open approach can be quite frustrating for J types though. To give an idea of why they do it, they are most uncomfortable in restricted, high detail, or repetitive situations. They have about as much chance of growing into this as you have of growing into an ESFP or ESTP. Everyone misses out on something, and this is our weak point. You'll occasionally see them do well under pressure, like near deadlines, so it looks like this is what they could be if they were more consistent. The problem is the deadline thing is sort of a rescue function, where you are put in a situation you have to get out of. They can't do it long term, any more than a person can live in extreme fear as a motivator. He will be most effective approaching things openly and getting input that raises his interest. Work rate is very well correlated with interest for ENFPs. And if he finds a path where he stays excited and motivated about life, ie. good job area, friend set up, etc. he will actually become far more balanced and consistent, and push more into the J area. He'll also write more lists and stuff as he gets older and Te develops. I'm 28 and organisation is something I quite like, repetitive stuff is still a drag though.

    The persuasion part is perception based. As gullible as we seem at times, reading thinking styles and perception are strong points. Subconsciously we can be quite aware of how someone will perceive things and how to correct their references to make them interpret something differently. So as you said, not direct. The idea is that you can't change reality, but you can change how people see it. Used in the right way it can be a very useful tool for improvement and change. Used in the wrong way it is straight out manipulative.

    Depending on his age, if he is ENFP, I would put money on the fact he writes; it will just be a private thing. You'd be amazed how little we are open about personal stuff. Because we seem so open on many levels, people find it easy to assume that there is nothing more and we aren't working toward something privately. There is a poll of dream careers for ENFPs somewhere on here, and writer wins it in a landslide. This can be another type difference also. INFJs and ENFPs are very open in the areas the other isn't. For some reason there is no urge to dig, maybe because of the illusion that they have given away things you would never give away, so can't be hiding the things you'd say easily.
    Thank you so much, this was really, really all pretty helpful and informing! it really helps me understand the perceiving/judging difference in that special case......After he handed something in before a deadline I thought that now he was going to be more consistent .....but I think in this case MBTI could actually help me understand the differences, and also the ways of living, working etc. that are most comfortable for him.
    I could really relate to the other points you made....I don't think he writes, but then again, there is so much stuff I don't know about him, which really surprises me when I get to know it......I think your description of this type difference between INFJ and ENFP...that they are open in the areas the other isn't.....that hits the nail on the spot....! and leads to conversations in which both of us think we have completely revealed our innermost selves, and the other doesn't seem satisfied with that or doesn't feel like that at all......
    again, thank you for you advice...it was really helpful!

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