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  1. #1
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    Default Help Type My Dude!

    Hi guys, INFP here, hoping to figure out what type I've gotten myself involved with. When you get so involved with someone I'm finding it's hard to objectively analyze them because you see elements of many types within them. Or maybe they're just crazy. Be warned, this is a long post. But hopefully detailed enough to make some speculations.

    -Said he didn't want to do MBTI because he didn't want to be categorized or typed. Also stated "there's no such thing as introverts or extroverts, people are just 'verts".

    -Web designer, gets unnerved when there are changes at work like last week when a guy he socializes with outside of work was moved into the position of being his boss due to company-wide restructuring. He always takes such things personally. He has a fear he's being pushed out/getting fired any day. Says that when people at work don't give him enough to do he's bored and feels useless. Then feels guilty because others seem fine sitting at a desk all day while he hates it. Claims that he deliberately tries to get attention by showing up to work later and later so that they will either a) fire him or b) confront him about it, when he tells them to give him more work. Once they give him more work he starts coming in on time or early. Has this extreme need to stay busy to avoid being bored but also has difficulty with a 9-5 structure, feels more awake late at night (as do I).

    -Always working on side projects at home when not at work...either redesigns of his website or making a new comic book. Wants to make comic books for a living, is really into comics and sci-fi, huge Buffy fan, attends Dragon Con.

    -Says he loves me because no one has understood what his life is like before in terms of emotions. He seems to be very emotionally moody...or at least more externally emotionally moody than I, because I find myself relating but find it odd that he outwardly expresses angst. He says he's honest with me because he has nothing to gain from lying. Also, the moodiness all seems to be tied to deep fear of failure. He told me before he was 25 he was always "oh things will work out somehow, I can't fail because I'm me". Then he didn't get a job he wanted and a relationship didn't work out and now he says he has constant fear of screwing things up somehow.

    -When not working spends free time with his family. States that he won't move while his grandparents are still alive. Makes the family calendar every year, is into family genealogy. Says his feelings are hurt when people discount what's important to him-being with his family. Wants me to attend every football tailgate, family gathering, anything family-related. I find this exhausting sometimes. The thing is, he does at times too but he always goes anyway. Is generally the family member who drives people places or fixes stuff for them. Also tends to gossip a lot around his family. Also enjoys saying mean/innappropriate things around his mother for entertainment because they always shock her. She seems very SFJ, and was disappointed in him for his Halloween costume (priest robe w/Norwegian death metal makeup) when he went as Judas Priest.

    -Says people accuse him of lacking morals because he acts however he wants but that he does have them-he has his own created internal value system.

    -Says he views sex and romance as separate, the romance is laying around talking, saying 'I love you' (which he wants to do way more than me-he said it first, just randomly blurted it out one day), cuddling, spending time together but sex is done because it feels good. He describes me as wonderful and perfect with unnerving frequency. Again, it feels weird to me to be outwardly expressive of such things. And after he asked and I told him I loved him back he checked again a couple weeks later, and has done so. He seems to need reassurance that I haven't run away yet.

    -Is very into his appearance in that he always wants to straighten his hair, moisturizes, scolds himself if he eats too much (seems afraid of being fat). Asked me one day if I thought he was gay when we met, I said no but that my roommate had. Claims people often mistake him as that. His voice isn't the deepest, he gets really excited and uses hand gestures in conversation, he seems to be uncaring about using traditionally female words like 'slut' to describe himself, likes to joke about wearing pink or painting his nails (black only). His mother says he's the daughter she never had.

    -Within a couple minutes of meeting an ENTJ that I know he asked me why we don't hang out with her more. He seemed to become more energized around her. Also another male friend of mine, who is either ENTJ or ENFJ seemed to make him more talkative. He's about as quiet as I am in social interactions unless a topic of interest comes up. My INTP and INFP friends really like him and always want to hang out. He seems to really like them too. But he's very good about being willing to meet everybody, he seems very aware of being nice to who he's "supposed" to be nice to. He also seems to really like my mom, she's an ISTJ. A couple times I've complained about things she does that I find annoying and he sides with her, saying something like "that's how a mother should be". In terms of friends, he seems to have many acquaintances (just like me) but only a couple actual friendships that he maintains longer than the duration of social activity (like working in the same place). The friends that he has maintained the longest are all girls from high school and he's always had difficulty making male friends outside of work.

    Okay, if you've made it down here congrats! Type away!

  2. #2
    The Unwieldy Clawed One Falcarius's Avatar
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    Sounds mostly like ISFJ traits, but it is hard to tell as this person seems to have self-confidence issues if not a profound passiveľaggressive attitude.
    Quote Originally Posted by Thalassa View Post
    Oh our 3rd person reference to ourselves denotes nothing more than we realize we are epic characters on the forum.

    Narcissism, plain and simple.

  3. #3
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    Thanks Falcarius, one type I was considering was ISFJ for the whole focus/reliance on family I've seen but then...are ISFJ prone to using sarcastic humor and not fitting in at work or in "traditional" settings?

    Also, I forgot to mention organization, which could be important...there are random piles of things in the office and in closets, so he seems to be prone to having organized piles of disorganization. This reminds me somewhat of my ISTJ mother actually. But I suppose any type can be disorganized.

  4. #4
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    -Says people accuse him of lacking morals because he acts however he wants but that he does have them-he has his own created internal value system.
    This in particular makes me think ISFP, but that seems to be the best fit for the whole description.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  5. #5
    Vaguely Precise Seymour's Avatar
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    [..]He describes me as wonderful and perfect with unnerving frequency.
    I was in a romantic relationship with an ISFP, and he used exactly those words to describe me unnervingly often. I kind of had an issue with the "perfect" part. INFPs never think they are perfect, and just hearing the word brought up all the ways I fell short.

    Also, my ISFP friend always had semi-paranoia about his work situation. He loved people individually at work, but would sometimes switch into a paranoid mode where he ascribed all kind of devious motivations to folks and would think the whole system was tilted again him.

    He also had his own value system and didn't feel constrained by anyone else's. To me from the outside, it sometimes looked like rationalizing especially since he wasn't that good at explaining what his value system was. Still, it was clear he had a value system that was important to him.

    Finally, he also hated the idea of being categorized or typed. He would freely admit to being odd, but didn't want to be categorized as being odd like anyone else.

    I think people who are in a miserable or stressful situation are harder to type, since they may be forced to act against their type to some degree.

  6. #6

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    Yeh, I'm also looking in the FP domain. F is probably the first letter we could guess. I'm not sure at all about the other three. I might even guess ENFP. Reminds me of some ENTJs also. But neither are that strongly family oriented or against typing. ISFP is good too.

    To the OP: What is his style of thinking like? What drives him? What are his interests? If he conforms to a lot, what will he never back down on?

    (p.s. your username is awesome!)
    Freude, sch├Âner G├Âtterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Br├╝der, Wo dein sanfter Fl├╝gel weilt.

  7. #7
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    Thanks for the questions, noigmn. I'm not exactly sure about a style of thinking. He's big into being able to do his own thing, whatever that means. He likes his alone time, and generally doesn't make plans unless someone at work says everyone is going out after work or a family member calls him saying "we're doing this" and then he kinda goes along with it. But internally he doesn't conform it's just he seems unable to tell people to "piss off" as much as he would like.

    Allegedly he's become a softer person with the influence of his hometown and family. He lived in a different state for 8 years and one of his good friends visiting remarked that he seemed cute around me, and cute was the last word that would normally come to mind regarding the guy. He said rather the words would be moody and sarcastic but hilarious at the same time. So when I asked dude about this he claimed that he was unhappy being isolated from him family and hometown and it made him antagonistic to strangers.

    He claims his persona is what Michael Stipe described as "loud shy"-he feels awkward on an almost constant basis so he puts on a goofy, friendly persona and does over-the-top things (sarcastic jokes, silly T-shirts, pranks on coworkers) so that social interactions are easier.

    Actually I've seen his value system come out one day. He had worked a lot to redesign his website and then he showed it to a couple people at work the day before it was supposed to go live. They told him it was company policy that you couldn't use anything you'd worked on for them, which was news to him. So he was considering quitting rather than not have his website look like he wanted it to and represent him and his uniqueness. He confronted his boss in an angry/angsty email (which he showed me) that talked about how it had hurt his feelings that they wouldn't let him express himself creatively and that he lived for work and this was the most important thing to him. Actually that strategy got their attention and he ended up being allowed to put up the site like he wanted to.

    He also said once that masculinity isn't inherent, it has to be earned, and his sense of masculinity is tied to having meaningful work and hard work in general. That it's emasculating to him to have work that isn't challenging but that he also feels guilt about not being willing to do actual hard labor like other previous men in his family (construction and manual labor type stuff). He's much better educated than his family and I think he feels an odd guilt that he wants more out of life in terms of work and economic status than they did. He has a contingency of good friends in Portland, all web design/computer geeks and he really loves visiting them and seems to long to be part of that hipster cool crowd. But he also feels this need to stay close to family.

    I'm an only child who never had close relatives and grew up with my mom, he's from a large (to me) family with three brothers and too many cousins to keep track of. So maybe those differences are environment/situation rather than personality?

    Hope that helped!

  8. #8
    Pumpernickel
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    Sounds kind of infp, though you would probably be a better judge of that heh.

    Maybe ISFP too, I haven't read this entire thread yet.

    My INFP friend also first refused to take the test because she felt the attempt to categorize her personality was an insult to her individuality or something like that. Could be an Fi thing?

  9. #9

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    I'm lost on it. Is ENTP an option? Does he talk about pretty high level things with a really wide range of people? I saw he thought he could cruise most things, likes the sarcasm and silliness, worked well with a range of N types.
    Freude, sch├Âner G├Âtterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Br├╝der, Wo dein sanfter Fl├╝gel weilt.

  10. #10
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Sounds like ENTP.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

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