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  1. #1
    Ginkgo
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    Smile Is My Mom an ENFJ or ESFJ?

    For a lengthy period of time, I presumed that my mother was an ESFP because of her social nature and her enormous generosity. However, after taking the test in my Please Understand Me II book, she revealed herself to be an EnFJ/EsFJ (11 points in N and 9 points in S). I was quite astounded by this, and I concluded that either a) I was bad at typing people, or b) appearances can be deceiving.

    However, I would still like to confirm what type she is with external input. The primary question is - does she use auxiliary Ni or Si?

    -She is very disorganized, however, she wishes she could have someone to organize things for her. (She often wants other people to do menial tasks ). Unfortunately, she has somewhat of a hoarding habit.

    -On the other hand, she would sometimes come into my room and reorganized it.

    -When she came into my room, she would often zero in on something that was specifically interesting to her. (Tertiary Se?)

    -She is extremely social, and will often act as if she knows her subject without ever meeting them.

    -She feels that it is her responsibility to be outgoing and friendly to a degree that is sometimes embarrassing for me. She waves at people she doesn't know and frequently asks for directions. She feels as if she is one with the community. (definitely Fe)

    -She likes exquisite things, and will often feel the need to dine at expensive restaurants. She often asks me "Is the food good?" (Fe or Si?)

    -She used to be a school teacher (special ed, elementary, and high school). She loves working with children, and she often uses visual representations to explain things. (For instance, she will take a fork to symbolize a car in a car wreck, or use my Please Understand Me II book to symbolize a balance between Sensing and iNtuition dichotomies.)

    -She is very intelligent, and she has a wide vocabulary.

    -She will often plan things out on scrap pieces of paper; writing down names, phone numbers, things to do etc.

    -She enjoys reading self help books, psychology books, and child developmental books.

    -For a long time, I believed that she had trouble planning things. (Or at least predicting future scenarios). However, her assumptions are more often correct than incorrect. Quite honestly, this irks me because my Ne tends to portray the worst future outcomes possible.

    -She seems rather bull headed when she has an agenda. In fact, most of the time, she does not appreciate outside input. Fortunately, she has accumulated habits of asking me for insight. I can only speculate that this is a result of my self-education and increasing "social worth". (Does this sound bad? haha)

    -Sometimes she laughs at things that seem socially awkward. For instance, when she was reading my book, one of the questions was "Do you often daydream of fantasies?". She found this amusing for some reason.

    -I really love her. She has always been accepting of my wild imagination and funny quirks. She often encouraged me to be successful in any field I desired.

    -When she is with officials, teachers, counselors, or friends, she often feels the need to provide paper work for them. In fact, she often gathers extra brochures in anticipation that she will inform her friends of some interesting subject matter.

    -She excels at writing.

    -She often feels the need to pinpoint errors in grammar and in spelling. Every time she finds an error in a book, she thinks it's a shame that the publishers paid editors who did not do their job well. (Maybe this comes from her teaching background, or Si, or something. I'm not sure.)

    -She enjoys celebrating birthdays and anniversaries. However, she is not adamant about annual celebrations like Christmas or Halloween.

    -She feels that it is important to use the postal delivery system to write formal congratulatory or regretful letters. She has yet to adapt to computer technology or email. Maybe this is because she lacks interest, or because my father handles most of the electronic aspects of her life.

    -She was involved in many extracurricular activities in high school and in college.

    -She has always been devoutly religious, and she feels that it is her duty to aid people in her church.

    -I asked her "Which one do you feel is more important - The solution to a problem or the process in which you obtained the solution?", to which she retorted "I believe that the process is more important because it is the only means by which you can get a solution". I do not know if this is an Ni response, because my Ne response is "You can apply the process to various other problems in hopes of more solutions".

    -Whenever she does something "wrong" in the eyes of my father or myself, she exclaims "Well, everyone does that!".

    -Whenever she is with my dog, she has the tendency to animate the dog with her voice. For instance, if he is hungry, she will say something like "Ohh I want some cheese! I'm so cute, so give me some cheese!"

    I can't really think of anything else significant right now. Ask me questions if you have any.

    -EDIT: Oh yes, when she has a plan about something, she is rather uninformative about it. She probably expects others to understand it without any presupposition.

    -She doesn't really have any trouble talking about abstract concepts. (Especially if she has a great deal of information regarding the subject at hand). However, she prefers to talk about what has happened in the past in a sequential order.

  2. #2
    Senior Member incubustribute's Avatar
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    I'm seeing a blatantly obvious ESFJ, but maybe I'm missing something?

  3. #3
    Ginkgo
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    Quote Originally Posted by incubustribute View Post
    I'm seeing a blatantly obvious ESFJ, but maybe I'm missing something?
    Oh, yes, she also says that she relates more to the ENFJ description.

  4. #4
    Senior Member incubustribute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mystic Tater View Post
    Oh, yes, she also says that she relates more to the ENFJ description.
    I think a lot of S's envy iNtuition. They'll see it on the description and then think, "well golly, I WISH I could do that... *mental checkmark*." I desperately wish I was INFJ, but alas, I don't constantly question things like most of them do. My Ni is (for all intents and purposes) nonexistent, so I just try to improve my inferior Ne.

    Anyway, this isn't about me

    I'm not quite sure if I see any secondary Ni that might indicate ENFJ, but on the other hand, she's the best authority, not me. But I'm definitely noticing a VERY definitive tendency to micro-manage, which would explain dominant Fe, secondary Si. I'm sticking to my original guess - ESFJ.

  5. #5
    Senior Member incubustribute's Avatar
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    oh btw, animating animals with the voice is something all animal lovers do haha. I do it to my girlfriend's cat, and it makes me feel like he's a person, not an animal. I'm not sure if that kind of thing is indicative of any type.

  6. #6
    Ginkgo
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    Quote Originally Posted by incubustribute View Post
    I think a lot of S's envy iNtuition. They'll see it on the description and then think, "well golly, I WISH I could do that... *mental checkmark*." I desperately wish I was INFJ, but alas, I don't constantly question things like most of them do. My Ni is (for all intents and purposes) nonexistent, so I just try to improve my inferior Ne.

    Anyway, this isn't about me

    I'm not quite sure if I see any secondary Ni that might indicate ENFJ, but on the other hand, she's the best authority, not me. But I'm definitely noticing a VERY definitive tendency to micro-manage, which would explain dominant Fe, secondary Si. I'm sticking to my original guess - ESFJ.
    Yeah, I have to agree with you. I was taken aback to see that she tested as an iNtuitive, because she seemed to have some communication blocks with my INFP father and I. Mind-boggling .

  7. #7
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    My mother in law straddles the ESFJ/ENFJ line (to me she is unquestionably an ESFJ), your mom and she sound eerily alike. One reason I think ESFJ for my MIL is she has a really hard time 'getting' myself and my ENTJ husband when we all have conversations. I feel like our N moments embarrasses her or she just doesn't seem to know how to respond. Obviously that's not the only reason, there are more. For your mom though, I'd say ESFJ.

  8. #8
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Yo mama

  9. #9
    Ginkgo
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenna View Post
    My mother in law straddles the ESFJ/ENFJ line (to me she is unquestionably an ESFJ), your mom and she sound eerily alike. One reason I think ESFJ for my MIL is she has a really hard time 'getting' myself and my ENTJ husband when we all have conversations. I feel like our N moments embarrasses her or she just doesn't seem to know how to respond. Obviously that's not the only reason, there are more. For your mom though, I'd say ESFJ.
    I can relate. For example, my dad and I often talk about political and spiritual notions. Sometimes it can get extremely vague and intangible, yet we can still understand each other.

    My mom usually sits on the sidelines. I do not know if this is because she is disinterested or if she just can't grasp what we are saying.

  10. #10
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mystic Tater View Post
    I can relate. For example, my dad and I often talk about political and spiritual notions. Sometimes it can get extremely vague and intangible, yet we can still understand each other.

    My mom usually sits on the sidelines. I do not know if this is because she is disinterested or if she just can't grasp what we are saying.
    I know what you mean. I think (at least with my MIL) it's a bit of both. She seems to enjoy talking of current events more than anything.
    Last edited by Lux; 10-13-2009 at 01:32 PM.

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