I try and I try to comprehend but my brain goes kaboom.
First, sorry this is so long...never intended for that...But there you go.
Second, I'm 17, pretty young so I can't be sure of much at present.
Thirdly I've got the 6 trait where the opposite is often true and so any sense of self gets rather vague, particulaly when I start to think too much about things that my mind deems not allowed (don't ask me why, I'm none the wiser myself), my head goes fuzzy and I have to sit relxing and backtracking enough to pour my brain back in my head. The one time I tried counselling a part of me died inside T_T (Being dramatic here).
- Not helped by a mind so Godamned (a strange mixture of existentialism, and the sense that all things are relative, subjective, and there for unjudgeable) that concepts often stop making sense. I can't find the borderlines between what's black and what's white so it all goes blahh and refuses to stick together...Kinda just what I was just saying...
Fourthly, half the time I seem to absorb in something of the people around me - for example: for most of my life I've found being around guys can leave me feeling souless, like someone's thrust themself down my throat, sucked up my insides and thrust themself back out without me noticing till I'm alone again, though it's getting much better these days. -, and can, sometimes not even though personal choice, change to feel in the way that seems most sutiable. Unless my feelings are thumping me in the face, it can get pretty confused.
I'm the 'weird' kid who got rejected at 5 years old because she was the only one who still lived in a fantasy world, and wasn't interested in boys, fashion or having my bellybutton pierced.
I'm the good kid who can't bare criticism of any kind, whether it's forgetting my homework and facing the wrath of a teacher, or being told off by my mum for spilling juice. Arguments between friends make me want to receed into the ground, rip out my tounge and fill my stomach with battery acid. I'd rather beat my self over the head with ar usty axe than get angry, even debates make me majorley jittery.
I'm both very academic and creative - Could go into music, art, maths, science, english, languages etc.
I was the sort of child who picks up many hobbies and then burns out without realising I'm at the end of my teather; why I feel so sick at the thought of going to swimming club, or spend a day crying when I'm due to make an art presentation.
I'm so conscious of my environment, the people around me and myself that I've only been capeable of farting in the presence of anyone other than myself once in the last four years - and it was one of the worst momentsof my life. I have trouble alone a fair chunk of the time. I'm that much of an anally retentive spazz brain. Even major stomach pain can't force me to do something even remotley 'wrong', or 'bad'.
Yet I can't stand getting help, or doing something someone elses way, I have to do it MYSELF OR ELSE.
And yet by a strange turn of events the last thing any of my friends would call me is uptight...well...95% of the time ...Atleast I think so...
Not sure how much of this way relevant...Guess I'll wait and see...Feel free to bash me for irrelevancity.