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  1. #1
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Default Another ESTP vs ESFP...I think

    Ok…please help me to type this guy. I am pretty certain he is either ESTP or ESFP. I'd also be open to thinking he was some other type, but it would surprise me!

    -Charming, handsome, loads of female friends, but as he’s a fairly devout Christian he seems to have resisted getting involved with most of them. I think he could easily have had loads of girlfriends if he’d chosen to. Lots of guy friends too, who he seems to have pretty typical “guy” relationships with. He said to me once that he’d never be able to have a “sensitive” conversation with the type of flatmates he had at the time, but the jury is out on whether he said that to impress on me how sensitive he is, or whether he actually felt that way.

    -Can come down very hard on and say rather nasty, petty things about people he doesn’t particularly care for, but also changes his mind a lot. He might come out with something fairly biting about someone one day and have changed his mind completely a day or a week later.

    -His greatest loves are travelling, socializing, drinking, eating, and his family (ie. his parents and sister)

    -He can sometimes be quite moody. He seems to enjoy talking to me particularly when he’s feeling a bit down about things…not sure if that is a compliment or not! I have known him to tell me how people aren’t accepting him or he doesn’t feel like he fits in, though anyone who saw him with other people would conclude (I think mostly correctly) that he is extremely popular and well liked. I have sometimes (or even often) wondered if he shares this side of him with me because he thinks this is the kind of thing I appreciate…and if I am feeling particularly cynical or suspicious, I’m not sure if he’s being genuine about it at all, or just trying to relate to me because he thinks I like these conversations (or because he thinks I'm always depressed!). In general I think he is genuine, though…just a bit fickle. Or instead of/as well as fickle…a chameleon.

    -Further to the above…he has amazing people skills and I think a lot of people are totally charmed by him, while others see through it, or think they do. I find myself caught in the middle, frankly.

    -Despite being very handsome by most women’s standards, he seems a bit paranoid about his weight (he’s a big guy, but not fat.) He’ll make these self-deprecating “I’m a bit rotund” remarks to me, when most mutual female friends think he’s gorgeous.

    -He can seem two-faced sometimes and even described himself to me in that way once (when I had challenged him about something). He has often told me how he finds the drinking/partying scene superficial, but since I’ve known him (a few years) he has a lot of the time been very much into that scene. Again, I’m not sure if he’s somehow trying to relate to me or impress me by saying he thinks it’s superficial, when he’s also quite into it. Honestly, I think he is happy enough finding it superficial with part of himself, but very much enjoying it with another part of himself.

    -He can get angry or upset but seems to more or less forget about it quite quickly. We fell out quite majorly last year but he quickly wanted to be like nothing had happened. He made the overtures to repair things, not me. When we did start talking again, I had a need to discuss what had happened. He was a bit uncomfortable about it, but willing to discuss it and apologised when I explained more how my feelings had been hurt (I also apologised and said “I realise I must have hurt your feelings” and he was like “no no”…even though I KNOW at the time I did hurt his feelings.)

    -He won’t pursue indepth discussions about literature, abstract ideas etc with me, but he will listen politely and even with some interest when I start going on about these things that are of such interest to me. He usually steers back to something more concrete, though. We do often talk about our vague plans for the future, but he changes his mind about it a lot. He can sound very definite about it for a while and then have a totally different plan in another week or two. We have long, interesting conversations but not too too abstract.

    -Our relationship as friends tends to be one where he sort of disappears on me for some time…I don’t hear from him much, he seems very busy with travelling, his party friends, etc…and then I get a lot of texts from him for a while, he wants to have in-depth exchanges with me, etc. It’s kind of hot and cold. He does have a very large social circle so I think he is moving through it and focusing on other people.

    In case it’s not obvious, I am also very smitten by him and have been for a long time…oh dear. Although it poses a big threat to the friendship I am at the point where I think I will probably have to say something to him. Pretending I don’t have feelings is no longer working out well for me.

  2. #2
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    ESFP is my vote.

    No analytical problem solving thinker stuff going on from what I read, and we (ESTPs) totally do that. We live to rule our immediate here and now, and have a good time doing it.

    The hot and cold stuff is pretty "F".

    A good friend of mine is an ESFP, he fits the description you wrote much more closely than I ever could.

    Good luck!

  3. #3
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    I don't know a ton about this, but my ESTP rarely makes any drastic shifts in mood and opinion, and if he's angry, it's rare that people would know. He doesn't say nasty things about people -- if he's going to be nasty, it's to people. Based on your description and the little I know, I'd guess ESFP.

    I hope it works out for you,
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  4. #4
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jewelchild View Post
    He doesn't say nasty things about people -- if he's going to be nasty, it's to people. Based on your description and the little I know, I'd guess ESFP.
    I've noted the same. Maybe because of tertiary Fe, ESTPs are generally diplomatic in speech, whereas ESFPs are generally more "honest" about their feelings. I don't find ESTPs moody much at all, but ESFPs can be very moody.
    So I'd guess ESFP also.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  5. #5
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Thanks guys. I think I would have leaned toward ESFP, too. It seems to fit quite well.

    Hm...INFJ and ESFP are not supposed to be a match made in heaven, I don't think. But maybe that's where we should forget about the little letters for a bit. I may just have to take a risk in any case...

  6. #6
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Thanks guys. I think I would have leaned toward ESFP, too. It seems to fit quite well.

    Hm...INFJ and ESFP are not supposed to be a match made in heaven, I don't think. But maybe that's where we should forget about the little letters for a bit. I may just have to take a risk in any case...
    There ya' go! I've been married to an INFJ for 10 years, we've been together for 15, and we knew jackshit about MBTI until a year ago...
    Last edited by Halla74; 08-05-2009 at 08:07 AM.

  7. #7
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    ESTP. I know a few of them that are "hot and cold" and I rarely see an esFp judging people so harshly

  8. #8
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    I'd say ESFP. The one I am very close too has loads of admirers but isn't that 'close' with a lot of people. I thought she might be introverted until she tested! So yeah. Also, I've noticed that she carries a lot of general anxiety around with her that can get her down if not checked. And this appears and disappears seemingly randomly!

    edit: Sorry. I also have a very close ESTP friend and this is their main difference. Hope this helps:

    ESTP predominately shows a "solid" front. One of the first thing that comes to mind is "capable"
    ESFP predominately shows a "warm" front. One of the first thing that comes to mind is "welcoming"
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  9. #9
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by slackinbam View Post
    ESTP. I know a few of them that are "hot and cold" and I rarely see an esFp judging people so harshly
    Yeah, actually that was probably the aspect of his personality which made me think ESTP was a possibility. But based on my observations and how others have weighed in, I'm inclined to think it's a moody ESFP thing. I think he can change his mind even with those strong/harsh opinions and almost forget that he even felt that way.

    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post

    ESTP predominately shows a "solid" front. One of the first thing that comes to mind is "capable"
    ESFP predominately shows a "warm" front. One of the first thing that comes to mind is "welcoming"
    On the whole, the "warm" front fits this guy better, I'd say.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Can come down very hard on and say rather nasty, petty things about people he doesn’t particularly care for, but also changes his mind a lot. He might come out with something fairly biting about someone one day and have changed his mind completely a day or a week later.
    ESTP........
    Not ESFP. When ESFP say nasty things they don't actually say it in a nasty way or they don't say it at all. they say it (if they do) in a way to hint someone that they didn't agree or aprove his/her actions.
    Not nasty.

    Quote Originally Posted by slackinbam View Post
    ESTP. I know a few of them that are "hot and cold" and I rarely see an esFp judging people so harshly
    Agreeeeeed.

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