Ok…please help me to type this guy. I am pretty certain he is either ESTP or ESFP. I'd also be open to thinking he was some other type, but it would surprise me!
-Charming, handsome, loads of female friends, but as he’s a fairly devout Christian he seems to have resisted getting involved with most of them. I think he could easily have had loads of girlfriends if he’d chosen to. Lots of guy friends too, who he seems to have pretty typical “guy” relationships with. He said to me once that he’d never be able to have a “sensitive” conversation with the type of flatmates he had at the time, but the jury is out on whether he said that to impress on me how sensitive he is, or whether he actually felt that way.
-Can come down very hard on and say rather nasty, petty things about people he doesn’t particularly care for, but also changes his mind a lot. He might come out with something fairly biting about someone one day and have changed his mind completely a day or a week later.
-His greatest loves are travelling, socializing, drinking, eating, and his family (ie. his parents and sister)
-He can sometimes be quite moody. He seems to enjoy talking to me particularly when he’s feeling a bit down about things…not sure if that is a compliment or not! I have known him to tell me how people aren’t accepting him or he doesn’t feel like he fits in, though anyone who saw him with other people would conclude (I think mostly correctly) that he is extremely popular and well liked. I have sometimes (or even often) wondered if he shares this side of him with me because he thinks this is the kind of thing I appreciate…and if I am feeling particularly cynical or suspicious, I’m not sure if he’s being genuine about it at all, or just trying to relate to me because he thinks I like these conversations (or because he thinks I'm always depressed!). In general I think he is genuine, though…just a bit fickle. Or instead of/as well as fickle…a chameleon.
-Further to the above…he has amazing people skills and I think a lot of people are totally charmed by him, while others see through it, or think they do. I find myself caught in the middle, frankly.
-Despite being very handsome by most women’s standards, he seems a bit paranoid about his weight (he’s a big guy, but not fat.) He’ll make these self-deprecating “I’m a bit rotund” remarks to me, when most mutual female friends think he’s gorgeous.
-He can seem two-faced sometimes and even described himself to me in that way once (when I had challenged him about something). He has often told me how he finds the drinking/partying scene superficial, but since I’ve known him (a few years) he has a lot of the time been very much into that scene. Again, I’m not sure if he’s somehow trying to relate to me or impress me by saying he thinks it’s superficial, when he’s also quite into it. Honestly, I think he is happy enough finding it superficial with part of himself, but very much enjoying it with another part of himself.
-He can get angry or upset but seems to more or less forget about it quite quickly. We fell out quite majorly last year but he quickly wanted to be like nothing had happened. He made the overtures to repair things, not me. When we did start talking again, I had a need to discuss what had happened. He was a bit uncomfortable about it, but willing to discuss it and apologised when I explained more how my feelings had been hurt (I also apologised and said “I realise I must have hurt your feelings” and he was like “no no”…even though I KNOW at the time I did hurt his feelings.)
-He won’t pursue indepth discussions about literature, abstract ideas etc with me, but he will listen politely and even with some interest when I start going on about these things that are of such interest to me. He usually steers back to something more concrete, though. We do often talk about our vague plans for the future, but he changes his mind about it a lot. He can sound very definite about it for a while and then have a totally different plan in another week or two. We have long, interesting conversations but not too too abstract.
-Our relationship as friends tends to be one where he sort of disappears on me for some time…I don’t hear from him much, he seems very busy with travelling, his party friends, etc…and then I get a lot of texts from him for a while, he wants to have in-depth exchanges with me, etc. It’s kind of hot and cold. He does have a very large social circle so I think he is moving through it and focusing on other people.
In case it’s not obvious, I am also very smitten by him and have been for a long time…oh dear. Although it poses a big threat to the friendship I am at the point where I think I will probably have to say something to him. Pretending I don’t have feelings is no longer working out well for me.