This is my first post on the forum. For the past while I've been agonizing over whether I'm an ISFJ or an ESFJ (I'm male).
I'll go through a bunch of my preferences and hopefully someone can help me out...I'd really appreciate it!
Ok: My father is an ISTJ, and my mother is an ESFJ.
I know for sure that I have a strong F preference, likely a slight to moderate J preference, and also likely a moderate S preference. I'm really not that intuitive (my ENFP best friend constantly tells me revelations about people and has crazy abstract ideas about things like auras and energy that I don't really get...haha).
The biggest thing for me is whether I am introverted (primary introverted sensing, secondary extroverted feeling) or extroverted (primary extroverted feeling, secondary introverted sensing).
I'm just about to turn 21 years old.
I care deeply about what others think of me, and sometimes judge myself based on others opinions'. I REALLY want other people to like me...sometimes to a fault as I can get down on myself if they don't.
I care very deeply about my close friends, and find comfort and security in them. I also really like having lots of acquaintances and sometimes wish I had more friends. This can be a problem for me as I also have a bit of social anxiety somtimes (the need to perform and to be liked which bothers me when I don't meet it)
In first year university residence, I was a social butterfly on my floor and the one above me. Sometimes I can lose contact with friends who I haven't talk to in a while, and I'm not the best at keeping in contact with people. I don't have a HUGE circle of friends (I have about 7-8 friends I would consider close to very close), and a little wider circle of acquaintances.
If I'm having a good time, (and usually when I'm drunk), I can be the life of the party, talking to everybody, doing ridiculous things. If I can relax a bit and have a good time in a social situation, it energizes me. If I'm not having a good time and feel self-conscious, then social situations drain me and I can't wait to get out of them. I like spending time by myself, but not too much time or I get lonely/bored. I can't imagine living a life not surrounded by close friends and family who I can goof off with and truly be myself.
My close friends would likely describe me as very caring and loving, a bit of a goof, sensitive, and I can be a little b!tch when I'm irritated (although I VERY rarely experience anger). And sexually, I'm a total horn-dog, lol.
When it comes to expressing my feelings, I don't do it naturally, although I've gotten better at it. I'll never express my innermost feelings to people I don't know well, but to friends and family that I know well, I find I can do this more easily (but most times my feelings aren't that convoluted that I need to do this often). When I warm up to people a bit, I'm easily talkative and goofy, but when first meeting people, I tend to be quieter and more self-conscious.
Around my close friends I can be quite gregarious, loud, and obnoxious, and I love going out and doing things when I'm with friends who I know and like (eg. going to restaurants, movies, laser tag, paintball, parties).
I recently went into business school, and at the beginning I was excited at the prospect of meeting new people, going to parties etc. As the year went on, I started to get self conscious, I judged myself negatively compared to other people, and wished that I was more popular. Eventually this led to me feeling depressed. I started isolating myself, and started irrationally obsessing about my future and worried that I would never succeed in life. For a couple of weeks I was pretty depressed and started getting anxiety (which I had never really ever experienced before except in social situations sometimes). I got some meds and am only just coming out of it.
Doing tests, I've tested both ESFJ and ISFJ, but it's usually near 50/50 for E and I. I tested a stronger I when I did this test when I was in the midst of depression (no surprise there).
Some other info that might help: I'm better at math than at english (like concrete ideas better). I'm pretty athletic, and a good tennis and baseball player (I enjoy physical activity). I have a tendency to be a bit lazy sometimes, and not follow through on things (but I always finish stuff on time, and I'm NEVER late for appointments). I'm a bit gullible and have a tendency to believe everything I read.
I love the TV shows Lost, the office. The movies Fight club, royal tenenbaums. Personally, I think I'm ESFJ, and I get worried sometimes when I think I might be ISFJ (I want to be an E!!!). How dumb is that!?!
I really love people, but when feeling self conscious or down, I'll avoid social situations (with people I don't know well) like the plague. I'm also not a huge fan of small talk (or should I certain types of small talk). For example people at work talking about what McDonalds is like in the UK compared to Canada, or questions like "What's your favourite condiment?". I mean please. However, when I feel people are being sincere and expressing their feelings or their real personality somehow, I enjoy it.
PLEASE help me out, I'd REALLY Appreciate it. I know this post was a bit long but THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!