'ello 'ello. I'm back again with another thread. This time I am having a few doubts that I am an ISFP. I mean, I've been interested in psychology, MBTI, and enneagram for nearly over three years now, and yeah... you would've thought I'd know my type for certain by now, but I guess not. Hehe. The reason I'm having doubts is because it kinda feels like I'm ISFP but again it just doesn't. My boyfriend even said I actually seemed more INTP (I guess this is 'cause I'm pessimistic most of the time and I have this knack for crushing a person's happiness right front in of their face without knowing it).
Now, I'm mixed up with INFP, ISFP, and INFJ.
- In public, I am very quiet. It's not that I don't feel comfortable around people, it's just that I don't really have much to contribute to the conversation. If I'm with just one or two people, I feel it easier for me to express myself/share opinions. Around family or very very close friends, it's like I'm a whole diff. person. I act extremely goofy
- When I'm feeling down, I like to get away from everything for a few minutes (can go up to a few hours) to settle things mentally on my own.
- I'm like an open book. It's hard to cover up my negative emotions even though I try really hard to). My boyfriend likes to say I'm like an open CHILDREN'S book (meaning I'm really easy to read but it's like I'm just a whole bunch of random pictures jumbled together so that it doesn't really make sense). This is 'cause I tend to say I'm ok even though I really don't look it.
- I'm kinda mean to my family. I'm not even sure if I even love them (sorry if this piece of information offends some "traditional" people). When I say "mean", I mean I act pretty "avoidant" to them and would rather spend my time hanging in my bedroom alone than go out there and socialize with them. I have a huge grudge against my mother (ESFJ). She's crossed ALOT of boundaries and this has made me lose my trust in her. I've been physically and mentally abused by her growing up. I didn't really have anyone else to turn to thus making me have to toughen up on my own. This is probably why I do not have anyone as of now for a rolemodel. My dad (IxTJ) is a different story. He was very passive. Didn't really care about anything. He pretty much hated his life and mom. All he'd do all day was smoke, drink, gamble, or try to find the hidden clue to winning the lottery. My siblings... I dunno. I've been too withdrawn to even bother with them. I felt as if I didn't need to take responsibility on them because of the grudge I had with my mother (which I know wasn't a very intelligent or nice thing for me to do).
- I love me some alone time to myself. However, I do feel a bit left out and uncomfortable if I'm alone at a party or club or whatever.
- In highschool, I used to be so avoidant to the extreme that whenever lunchtime came around, I wouldn't even go because I was scared I wouldn't have anyone to sit with (or that if I did, the people I sat with wouldn't understand me and would just look at me as if I'm some abnormal creature). This problem was sort of resolved when I finally had access o the courtyard... (where I'd just draw in my sketchbook. I never really ate lunch). I'm super sensitive. My friends say I take alot of things too literally or seriously sometimes.
- When I was little, I loved talking and playing with others, but I also loved sitting alone and reading books by myself. Growing up, I read ALOT of books. [In my teen years], to waste time, I'd just grab a novel, any novel off the shelf and just read away. I loved being in another time and place. Fiction was the best. I also had this interest in birds to the point where I'd get books about them and research every little thing about them. I loved birdwatching in my backyard and putting out nesting materials for them. I also gardened a pumpkin or two every year just for the sheer enjoyment of seeing it grow. These interests started waning when I started 7th grade.
- I've had a talent for the arts ever since I could remember (which was 3, I think). Growing up, I would always doodle on anything that was doodle-able and draw stories/fantasies of what was in my head. These all had to do with fairies, "ugly ducklings", etc... my drawings started getting morbid when I reached highschool. They were a bit obscure and often showed alot of blood and suffering... Oh, the joy of puberty.
- People say I seem rather bubbly and happy once they get to know me. They then tell me they used to be afraid to approach me because I always looked as if I had this angry look on my face. :/
- I'm a major clutz. There is not a day when I don't knock something over or trip over my own damn feet.
- I'm picky with guys. Very picky. I like to believe that soulmates exist. I've only had one boyfriend actually (current one). I'm very devoted and if I do get married and my husband dies, I'd most likely become a widow and would never love again... then become a cat-lady. You can say I'm a tortured hopeless romantic.. I used to believe that I'd just be alone my whole life... with a cat for company. I really like cats, btw.
- I have a hard time managing money. I am a super nub at it because I have hard time refusing my desires and such. -_- I also have this thing for not using my change. I don't like change. I just rather give the rounded higher amount since its faster and easier for me.
- I like to think I'm always right and that I have the answer to things... because I usually was. I feel dumb when I'm proven wrong.
- It's only been recently that I've had this huge interest in being healthy and looking good. I don't like going out looking like a mess. In highschool, I wasn't very into appearance though. I didn't really feel the use for it because I didn't see the use of it. Now I do it because I has a boyfriend... and I want to look nice for him. Lawl. I don't like dressing fancy to the extreme though. Only once in awhile. I don't like anything trendy either. Would rather dress comfy but still original without it looking like I'm trying too hard.
- I used to want to join Peace Corps. The reason was because I wanted to help contribute to the world being a better place. I don't want to anymore because I don't see myself as fit enough yet.
- Not interested in fame. Not interested in maths or anything to do with it. I had this goal in my life where I'd be this single amateur artist living in a run-down apartment while part-timing as a waitress. I live for the simple things in life.
-I have a hard time giving gifts to close friends because I always want them to be "perfect". I'm always trying to find new ways in making the gift the most wonderful-est thing ever for them. Most of my gifts aren't anything out there though. They're usually handmade (and so are the cards; I find sotre bought ones to be too cheesy for my taste) and come along with a shirt or accessory in a handmade box/wrapping.
- I'm a procrastinator; but when it's something serious or whatever I'm right on to it. I'm just generally very lazy and enjoy lollygagging all day doing nothing important. The internet is bad for me. Hehe..
- I'm very adept at writing poems and such. I find writing to be more comfortable than speaking aloud. I keep a blog, and usually what I post is mostly the current state I'm feeling... in a poetic form. I guess.
Annnnnd that's all! Ehehe, sorry if it was a bit much. I'd love to hear your opinions though! Thank you!