Am I an ESFP or an ENFP?

[KarenParker]

Ahahah you just summed up what me dating an ESFP is like.

Oh I'm so sorry. BUT I bet you guys know how to have fun!

 

[ladyinspring]

Karen I am very happy that you realize you are ESFP. When I learned I was INFP (after years thinking I was ISFJ) I found the experience to be freeing. I really appreciate what you said about giving criticism without it sounding like criticism (I didn't realize until I read your post that I was doing that), and I am very interested in that book about marriage.

Most of my friends in life have been ESFPs. My mother is an ESFP, my father is an ISFP (and I am very close to my parents). My best friend right now is an ESFP, my best friend in high school was an ESFP, and the best friend after that. It's funny because even though you said you needed concrete examples, and I should have plenty of concrete examples and anecdotes, I still based most of post on theory. It was actually hard for me to come up with the few examples I did. But I do have one example I would like to share.

Right now my best friend is in Poland. She's traveled all over the world, and lived in several different countries. 7 years ago she set out to be a Spanish teacher, a wife, a mother, and a full-time Bible teacher. She has been all of those things except for a mother (she's still only 25), in addition to traveling the world and taking advantage of opportunities as they arose. She has lived and worked in Africa, Costa Rica, Jamaica, Mexico, France. She has made so many friends. She is also beautiful, a fabulous dresser, a great teacher, charming, personable, and always on the go. She is always trying to improve herself yet she is very generous and runs herself ragged for her family and friends. She is wonderful with children and animals, and men are drawn to her like a magnet.

Through it all she has been a VERY GOOD AND LOYAL friend to me. Once I went a whole year mired in depression and didn't talk to her at all, and she still left me voicemails and sent emails telling me about her cats or her students, and sent me letters and pictures keeping me up-to-date on her life. I think she knew that most of the time I wasn't even picking up my messages or checking my emails, but she maintained a bond to me and I will be eternally grateful for that (I'm better now and we talk all the time and visit). She (along with my ESFP mother) taught me how to dress, apply makeup, shop, look good, and care about my appearance because it makes me feel good.

So if I could in any way help another wonderful ESFP to know that they are ESFP and how great that is, I am very happy.

 

[Jeffster]

Introverted intuition is always seeing symbols and finding hidden personal meanings in things, and all SPs value introverted intuition and like to use it even though they are not as strong as NJs.

This was a really good post, but I have to point out this part isn't true. Personally, I don't value "introverted intuition" at all, and have yet to be convinced that it's ever really a positive thing. I don't like to use it, and if I ever have, then I apologize to whoever I used it on. I hate it when people see "hidden meanings" in things, and I think it's likely the cause of a ton of conflicts in the world.

 

[KarenParker]

Karen I am very happy that you realize you are ESFP. When I learned I was INFP (after years thinking I was ISFJ) I found the experience to be freeing. I really appreciate what you said about giving criticism without it sounding like criticism (I didn't realize until I read your post that I was doing that), and I am very interested in that book about marriage.

Most of my friends in life have been ESFPs. My mother is an ESFP, my father is an ISFP (and I am very close to my parents). My best friend right now is an ESFP, my best friend in high school was an ESFP, and the best friend after that. It's funny because even though you said you needed concrete examples, and I should have plenty of concrete examples and anecdotes, I still based most of post on theory. It was actually hard for me to come up with the few examples I did. But I do have one example I would like to share.

Right now my best friend is in Poland. She's traveled all over the world, and lived in several different countries. 7 years ago she set out to be a Spanish teacher, a wife, a mother, and a full-time Bible teacher. She has been all of those things except for a mother (she's still only 25), in addition to traveling the world and taking advantage of opportunities as they arose. She has lived and worked in Africa, Costa Rica, Jamaica, Mexico, France. She has made so many friends. She is also beautiful, a fabulous dresser, a great teacher, charming, personable, and always on the go. She is always trying to improve herself yet she is very generous and runs herself ragged for her family and friends. She is wonderful with children and animals, and men are drawn to her like a magnet.

Through it all she has been a VERY GOOD AND LOYAL friend to me. Once I went a whole year mired in depression and didn't talk to her at all, and she still left me voicemails and sent emails telling me about her cats or her students, and sent me letters and pictures keeping me up-to-date on her life. I think she knew that most of the time I wasn't even picking up my messages or checking my emails, but she maintained a bond to me and I will be eternally grateful for that (I'm better now and we talk all the time and visit). She (along with my ESFP mother) taught me how to dress, apply makeup, shop, look good, and care about my appearance because it makes me feel good.

So if I could in any way help another wonderful ESFP to know that they are ESFP and how great that is, I am very happy.

OK you are officially scaring me. My mom is an INFP and I'm ESFP! You're and INFP and your mom's an ESFP! I really like my mom. She was a very cuddly mom when I was a little kid and loved to watch movies with me and let me sing songs in the backyard all evening when I was supposed to be taking a bath. It was quite a contrast from my dad, who is an ESTJ and was always dragging me around making sure I had eaten my dinner, picked up my room, got to bed on time, etc.

I loved your story about your ESFP friend. She sounds like a good one. The book that I read was by John Gottman, called the Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work. I thought it was just some regular self-help book but it's actually a HUGE body of research about what makes marriages work and not work that has been going on for decades. I could seriously talk about that book for hours. I mostly like it because it has solid scientific evidence to back it up and it's not some yuppie book saying that you can save your marriage if you go out on dates every once in a while.

 

[Quinlan]

What a great thread, really good advice.

 

[Athenian200]

This was a really good post, but I have to point out this part isn't true. Personally, I don't value "introverted intuition" at all, and have yet to be convinced that it's ever really a positive thing. I don't like to use it, and if I ever have, then I apologize to whoever I used it on. I hate it when people see "hidden meanings" in things, and I think it's likely the cause of a ton of conflicts in the world.

I don't necessarily like it when people read "hidden meanings" into things at all, and it IS the cause of a lot of conflicts in the world.

Ni doesn't cause people to read hidden meanings into things, anymore than Fe causes people to be manipulative.

Ni CAN read hidden meanings into things, but that's not all it does, and other functions such as Si, Fi, Ti, or Ne can do so as well. It also involves imagining the possible ways in which the present situation might develop in the future, and trying to see reality from more than one perspective. MBTI itself involves trying to look at things from the perspective of multiple functions and types... this is a very Ni endeavor.

You may not value a function, but you can't completely avoid using and acknowledging it. All the functions and perspectives are there, whether you want them to be or not.

 

[Quinlan]

This was a really good post, but I have to point out this part isn't true. Personally, I don't value "introverted intuition" at all, and have yet to be convinced that it's ever really a positive thing. I don't like to use it, and if I ever have, then I apologize to whoever I used it on. I hate it when people see "hidden meanings" in things, and I think it's likely the cause of a ton of conflicts in the world.

That's quite a simplistic view of Ni, it's like saying "Se is only concerned about the present, not thinking about the consequences of our actions is likely the cause of a ton of conflicts in the world, therefore nothing positive comes from Se".

Every function looks bad in isolation, functions are supposed to be used together, and I bet that you do use Ni in tandem with other functions all the time.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

This was a really good post, but I have to point out this part isn't true. Personally, I don't value "introverted intuition" at all, and have yet to be convinced that it's ever really a positive thing. I don't like to use it, and if I ever have, then I apologize to whoever I used it on. I hate it when people see "hidden meanings" in things, and I think it's likely the cause of a ton of conflicts in the world.

Ni is likely the cause of a ton of conflict in the world? You know you need to take a break from MBTI when you are writing sentences like the ones contained in this paragraph. I don't understand how with you being so seemingly well-read on MBTI that you've come to conclude Ni as simply reading hidden meaning into things. And have become so hostile towards it...a function. Now if someone were to take such an erroneous viewpoint on Se, you would be quick to correct them. Ridiculous.

 

[simulatedworld]

This was a really good post, but I have to point out this part isn't true. Personally, I don't value "introverted intuition" at all, and have yet to be convinced that it's ever really a positive thing. I don't like to use it, and if I ever have, then I apologize to whoever I used it on. I hate it when people see "hidden meanings" in things, and I think it's likely the cause of a ton of conflicts in the world.

No offense, but that's because your Ni sucks.

Most types say things similar to this about their weak functions.

 

[Jeffster]

No offense, but that's because your Ni sucks.

Well of course I don't take offense, I just said I didn't value it, so why would I be upset that it sucks?

But, anyway guys, I was responding to what ladyspring posted specifically about the hidden meaning stuff. I did not claim to be posting an objective view on "Ni." And I also said I am not yet convinced meaning I am entirely open to the possibility of being convinced that it is something worthwhile. It just hasn't happened yet, and I have found myself moving in the other direction based on what people have posted on this forum about it. I am a stubborn mule sometimes, I fully admit. But I am not close-minded. I am always scanning for information, and I am not arrogant enough to believe I know it all. Definitely not when it comes to something like the human brain.

So, Lauren, I would NOT be quick to correct an "erroneous viewpoint on Se." Because "Se" itself has no value to me either. An abstract function apart from a person is just a concept, so it needs no defending. I have corrected people who make false assumptions about people who happen to be SP types, because people are real and worth sticking up for. I hope you understand where I'm coming from a little better now.

But in the interest of not completely screwing up Karen's thread, I suggest we talk about this elsewhere. I think I might make a personal thread about it or something.

 

[simulatedworld]

I think that many S's feel they need to change to N after reading this forum for a while.

I know a few esfp's and the big difference I see is that I talk motivations to death, whereas the esfp's I know don't get that. One of my esfp friends really identified with the enfp information, we are similar and that makes it hard.

True. I think ESFP is a pretty misunderstood type that's often misrepresented as overly stupid/ditzy in the media, while ENFPs are usually bright and successful (interesting ESFP/ENFP TV character dichotomy: Homer Simpson/Peter Griffin.)

Anyway ENFPs are much better at brainstorming and open to all kinds of abstract off-topic wanderings in the name of expanding abstract perspectives. As such they're typically much more open to MBTI type thought experiment systems.

ESFPs become impatient with things with no clear practical value much more quickly.

Anyway,

--stuff about theatrics and ESFP vs. ENFP--

I see what you mean, and ESFPs usually are very natural entertainers--but more in a stand-up comedy way than a dramatic monologue way, see what I mean? (Think Paul McCartney vs. John Lennon for S vs. N style entertainers. Ns write a lot more meta-critique of the self and bigger ideals, whereas S songs are mostly about fairly concrete feelings, events and people.)

I think dramatic monologues are more ENFP.

I might mention, by the way, that Paul is my favorite Beatle because his songwriting was pretty much on par with John's, AND he was easily the most talented performer in the group. (Plus his Fi would occasionally produce an absolutely crushing gem like "Eleanor Rigby" or "Yesterday", both of which have melodies that kill me every time I hear them.) I think John gets way too much credit because of his social activism/political smartassery, but Paul never tried to abuse his fame to influence politics or push some kind of agenda and I think there's something really respectable about that.

 

[LotsOfHeart]

Wow, this is really strange. The last girl in my life was an ESFP with ENFP tendencies. She can be really intuitive, predicting the future very accurately sometimes. She is also incredibly intelligent. She was a classic SP. Very in the moment, optimistic, always smiling...She was an "Extra Special Friendly Person" for sure. She hated getting up in the morning (I do too). Had more friends than I could count, loved hosting parties and doing funny things to make people laugh. I think she had intuitive tendencies, though, which is perhaps why we bonded (especially since I'm usually only intuitive about things I care about).

I think ESFPs and ESTPs can be good romantic matches with INFJs, because, for me at least, I can be overly-intense and conscientious. I take responsibility for pretty much everything in my life and am always worrying about tomorrow's demands. These types tend to not be that way, and I find that relieving! They are fun and easy-going. They're also good at getting me to have fun and come out of my shell. Classic type B personalities usually, I'd bet. ESFPs accept everyone as their friends and that's awesome. I've read ESTPs and INFJs are one of the few complete opposite types that can make a good match with considerable consistency. If that's the case, it makes sense that an ESFP would work too, because they have the feeling preference in common. Jeez, combining all of this with ENFPs and ENTPs (not to mention INFPs, ENFJs and other INFJs) and it makes it look like I have prospects all over the place! LOL ....But it's not that simple unfortunately.

I wish I could live in the moment more, I try to...But my problem is time goes by too quickly. The present keeps changing into the future and it's overwhelming. By the time I feel capable of enjoying the moment, it's already another moment. That drives me crazy! LOL. So I guess I can't really enjoy the moment, except maybe on rare occasions, and when I really do, I often don't realize how much I enjoyed the moment until after the fact. That kind of defeats the purpose! If I am enjoying the moment, I start to get depressed because I know it's going to end, and I am not good with change and transition in my life.

But yeah, congrats on finding your type identity, it's really helpful to know those things...It's common to have some switching around...I've scored as INFP, ESTP, ISFJ, ISFP and ENFJ before. But overall, I'm not any of those types. But if I was another type, it would probably be one of those.