If it's any consolation I've been going through a lot of the same things as you. Or more accurately thinking, wondering, and being concerned about the same things as you. So I can relate.
In conversation you definitely come out as more introverted. Just from a reference and pace sort of view. I notice that a lot of the time strong extroverts notice that trait in me and I have to accelerate a bit more and adjust. With you it isn't necessarily that way. The T comes across as well. I'm always a little bit reluctant to mend and change the tone of my messages because I'm much more comfortable critiquing and observing and that style doesn't seem to bother or exhaust you as much.
The F and E sometimes get conflated for me and I notice that while I do have an ability to engage, it's not the starting point or the thing that's most critical to me. I notice the value of that approach and do actively try to utilize it but it's always sort of an addition. Never something that I truly fall back on and trust full heartedly. I think your confusion lies in thinking that because you actively try and use those tactics and see the importance of them that you maybe a different type. I've thought the same at times too but the response from people I've known for a while back up my typing.