Oh, I've definitely experienced deep lows. I'm kind of glad about how I'm examining my life more closely now. I used to be so rigid, paranoid and mindless, but that was because I was repressing about 80% of my personality and overwriting it with social programming... that was awful.
Yes. I really didn't agree with or like the people around me growing up, and felt the only thing I really had in common with any of them was the desire to avoid unpredictable situations and punishment, and have an idea of how my behavior was going to be judged. That pushed me towards Lawful Neutral.
I used to have a framework where all the specifics were structured, but now I'm moving towards one where the overall framework is structured, but with the specifics being more relaxed. It feels more natural to me, although I feel so terrified that in public I still tend to behave in a Lawful Neutral manner out of fear. I still have a long way to go. I wish I had gotten to know some people and learned how to trust a little more in real life, then maybe I wouldn't be so paralyzed to inaction by my fear of screwing up and having no way to avoid the consequences.