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  1. #11
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    ^^ Oh god help me .. hehe.

    Just brought that book from amazon .. How much .. $40 .. I hope it is worth it.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  2. #12
    Senior Member NewEra's Avatar
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    Yeah, the sis sounds more F than T to me.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    ^^ Oh god help me .. hehe.

    Just brought that book from amazon .. How much .. $40 .. I hope it is worth it.
    Oh dear, now I feel pretty responsible.

    I do think the book could help you not only understand your sister, but also to figure out how best to deal with her. Much of the book focuses on SPs because Dr. Delunas says most of her therapy cases start with SPs being brought in by loved ones. The way SPs/Artisans/Improvisers behave tends to get an instant reaction from people, good or bad.

    And your mother reminds me of my mother and my closest female friends (all of whom are ESFPs). It is true that a people-pleaser could be an ESFJ, but the whole "rip you to shreds or retreat" response to being hurt is very reminiscent of most of the ESFPs I have known. Whereas my brother, who is an ESFJ, is more apt to complain or give a long lecture when he thinks what you are saying is inappropriate. He also does not really tend to think in terms of "you hurt me". He is extremely forgiving of even the most hurtful actions by others. He may be the kind of person who has resentments but doesn't know it. He is apt to turn it on himself and believe he did something wrong in the situation. Whereas ESFPs are very aware of when they have resentments, and they are more likely to blame someone else than themselves.

    I could go even deeper into this if you want. I am personally very invested and interested in the distinctions between SJs and SPs, as I have known and loved quite a few of both. I also think SPs can raise quite a lot of trouble when they're unhealthy, more than any of the others, they can bring others down with them. Both of my parents are SPs, most of my friends have been SPs, and I believe your mother, brother, and sister are undoubtedly SPs.

    I must also say you are really, really good at describing people. This is the easiest time I have ever had of typing people because your concrete, to-the-point descriptions make it really easy to put theory into practice.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ladyinspring View Post
    Oh dear, now I feel pretty responsible.

    I do think the book could help you not only understand your sister, but also to figure out how best to deal with her. Much of the book focuses on SPs because Dr. Delunas says most of her therapy cases start with SPs being brought in by loved ones. The way SPs/Artisans/Improvisers behave tends to get an instant reaction from people, good or bad.

    And your mother reminds me of my mother and my closest female friends (all of whom are ESFPs). It is true that a people-pleaser could be an ESFJ, but the whole "rip you to shreds or retreat" response to being hurt is very reminiscent of most of the ESFPs I have known. Whereas my brother, who is an ESFJ, is more apt to complain or give a long lecture when he thinks what you are saying is inappropriate. He also does not really tend to think in terms of "you hurt me". He is extremely forgiving of even the most hurtful actions by others. He may be the kind of person who has resentments but doesn't know it. He is apt to turn it on himself and believe he did something wrong in the situation. Whereas ESFPs are very aware of when they have resentments, and they are more likely to blame someone else than themselves.

    I could go even deeper into this if you want. I am personally very invested and interested in the distinctions between SJs and SPs, as I have known and loved quite a few of both. I also think SPs can raise quite a lot of trouble when they're unhealthy, more than any of the others, they can bring others down with them. Both of my parents are SPs, most of my friends have been SPs, and I believe your mother, brother, and sister are undoubtedly SPs.

    I must also say you are really, really good at describing people. This is the easiest time I have ever had of typing people because your concrete, to-the-point descriptions make it really easy to put theory into practice.
    Lol .. I do have a knack of not mincing my words, not sure yet if that is a good thing or bad.

    The book will be a good read so i am sure i will enjoy it. Don't worry . I was hoping it would help me understand myself better. I am not looking for perfection and i am always open to new ideas, but i know some of the things i do may be classed as unhealthy. I don't know ...

    Yeah your brother's actions are pretty much spot on with mine especially the turning things on himself and forgiving even the craziest things. .

    I have always had a good relationship with my mother but there have been times where she is unable to see things from any other perspective. I just put it down to her being stubborn. Now things are so much better. We confide in each other now (that might be to me lowering my walls though) and i try to get her to rationalise some of her reasoning. Its nice that we can both benefit from each other.

    lol .. So we may all be S .. my poor youngest son NT, there has to be at least one black sheep.

    Thank you.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

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