OK, here we go. After half a year of MBTI studies and a couple of months filled with annoying existential angst, I'm more unsure about my personality [type] than ever before. In chase of my long-term goals, I've found myself surrounded with missed opportunities and unfamiliar circumstances.
I hope that (re-)exploring my type will help me (re-)defining who the f*ck I am. I'd be really thankful if some of the gurus here with a little free time would enlighten me
Please note, that
1) Astonishingly funny tl;dr answers won't help anybody, and there are numerous other ways to efficiently increase post count, thanks in advance
2) I'm not a native speaker and have very little experience with this language, I'm more adept in german and french
3) My observations about myself are pretty random, mostly based on type descriptions and tests, though I find these tests 100% inaccurate ("Are you governed by your head or your heart"? WTF? O_o)
4) Inconsistency alert! Please bear with it, I'll be as honest as possible
Some basic facts:
- I'm 18 years old with a pretty fucked-up childhood. Some nasty stories, parents divorced, I've moved to a new flat like... 20 times before; I've been a spoiled little brat for a couple of years, don't really want to talk about it only if it's absolutely necessary
- I consider myself intelligent and a quick leaner, I've always scored As on every single test without much effort, and concentrated on other interesting stuff instead (history and physics are my all-time favorites). I'm a (passive) member of Mensa, which I find surprisingly boring.
I love debates - and, to be honest, I love victories and the fact that I'm defeating my opponents (without ad hominem and stuff), but I also love those occasions when I'm the one being defeated in a heated argument, it's really thrilling, even moreso in case of an interesting subject.
- In the last few years, I started to care about my looks; by concentrating on an "ideal self" or something, I've managed to change myself on the outside (from "way below average", 10/2 to "high average" 10/7 and growing), the motivation was my growing need for socialization (something I always neglected) and the attraction of females.
It was a half success: I've learned that I'm totally incapable of social chitchat. While in a proper environment, I'm witty, sarcastic, loud and somehow "domineering", I'm a fucked-up bunny rabbit in unfamiliar situations, especially in parties and larger social gatherings. I really enjoy most of these parties, and I know how to chill out, it's just that I can't speak of something I'm not used to, and I almost never find those topics I'm interested in - not surprisingly. Say, I love astronomy or prussian history and even motorbikes, but I still can't invest any effort in learning about drinks or mainstream music and whatnot.
The thing is, I know I'm becoming more and more attractive, and I rarely find it possible to approach girls. I should start (heck, continue) a conversation somehow, but I CAN'T talk about weather and these things when I know that we both know that I just want to fuck, dammit. And it's almost never rewarding when I speak of this openly, I don't know why. Maybe I'm still not attractive enough, or whatever. I mostly don't care about romantic relationships (there are exceptions), but... considering we're still animals, people have some biological needs.
Sorry to pour all this stuff down on you, it's just that I love the anonymity of this playground called internet, it's so much easier this way.
Other random things:
- My room is always a mess
- I have many hobbies ranging from roleplaying to animation, water sports and foreign cultures etc.
- I hate changes, I like conventional ways if they are effective: although I try to grasp the importance of traditions, I can't stand them
- I love to read, esp. sci-fi and novels about travelling ('The Dandelion Girl' anyone? it's the only romantic story I kinda like)
- I like to work alone, I can't work effectively in groups (perhaps if I coordinate the work of others)
- I'm starting International Relations next semester, I'd like to study international politics (I'm a proud member of the Colbert Nation even as a foreigner, and I pretty much admire President Obama )
- I tend to make "to do" lists
- I often speak before I think, then I correct myself
- I'm an atheist, and I greatly sympathize with transhumanist views
- What else... dunno why I write this, but I don't smoke, I like black and neutral colors, and I'd love to try parachuting someday
I think this will be more than enough at the moment. Please note that whining was not my ultimate goal, I'd like to discover myself, and I think the observations of a total stranger may prove to be a greater help than I imagined. Thanks to all the helpful people, and I'd be happy to answer every question.