Although this most recent post comes in part from self doubt of me enneagram type, I'm mostly just curious what perceptions others have of me, so I'm compiling a few things I did in the past that got lost and forgotten over time.
The main focus is to resurrect my Johari and Nohari windows and request feedback on them.
Interactive Johari Window - Describe TenebrousReflection
The Nohari Window - Describe TenebrousReflection
My secondary interest is to get some feedback on what functions show up to others in my writing style. (a poll will be attached if I cna figure out how to do that again ). My posting paterns can be unpredicatable in both frequency and topic of interest, but a while ago I compiled a small collection of non-TC stuff I've written over the years to use as a writing sample for anyone who is saying "WTH are you" but might still want to give feedback . The other value in it is that it refelcts my thinking and writing at times where MBTI would not have been on my mind and is more true to self for that reason.
These are various fragments of things I've written over time
The tertieary concern is the orignal idea of narrowing down my enneagram which I will explain my current thoughts on.
For a long time, I just read the basic descriptions of the Enneagram types on places like the Enneagram Institute and beleived I was either a 4w5 or a 5w4, but a while back I ordered a couple books on the enneagram and I've been reading them (not in their entirety yet, but enough to start questioning my enneagram type a bit more. I still strongly identify with aspects of both 4 and 5, but also see a good amount of traits from 1, 2 and a few from 9 and 6 (the 6 stuff may be to economic uncertainty being on my mind tho).
I do have the "if I want somethign done right, I'll do it myself" attitude when it comes to things I have competency in, but I also know enough to knwo when I'm clueless and am better off placing trust in a professional. I can be critical of others and lack trust in their competency, but more often my critical aspects are focused on myself being content to let others do things thier own way but holding myself to a higher standard. Thats pretty much the extent to which I identify with 1s, but it is pretty strong on the self critical part(ummm, clearly that tendency does nto extend to speeeling or grahmer .
I like doing things for others. I feel a LOT more motivated if I'm doing something for someone else than I do when I'm doing it just for my own benefit. I like to surprise firneds with random gifts if I find something that I think they might like (usually music, but sometimes trinkets or books). I also like to feel useful to others. I do not identify with the 2 aspect of doing these things to get others to like me or from any sense of obligation, I do it because I want to enrich the lives of others when the opportunity to do so arises. I also am NOT very giving (of time or material goods) when it comes to strangers (I'm not sure if 2s are supposed to be all encomposaing in their giving nature or if they also limit it to freiends and family) but I do sometimes feel think about donating time to get involved in causes that align with my values.
The main thing I do NOT identify with about the 4 description is hypersensitivty and being easily offended by insensitive remarks and such. I also do not relate too strongly to the idea of 4s having a "idealized fantasy self image" or feeling .
According to "Wisdom of the Enneagram" by Riso and Hudson, 4s have a basic fear of "having no identity, no personal significance", a basic desire of "to find themselves and their significance, to create an identity out of their inner experience" and a superego message of "you are good or okay if you are true to yoruself". I agree with that superego aspect of it, but my basic fear and desire better corrospond to that of 2s (fear of "being unloved and unwanted for themsleves alone" and desire of "to feel loved"). but I do not relate to the 2s superego message of "you are good or okay if you are loved by others and are close to them). I also have an aditional core desire I would describe as "wanting to find a sense of purpose" but I don't equate that to personal significance (it may be a syntax issue of how the authors word and see things)
I relate to a LOT of the description of the 5 and the childhood patterns descriptions better match 5 than 1, 2 or 4 for me. The problem is I don't really relate to any of the basic desires, fears or superego descriptions of the 5 (fear of being "helpless, useless or incapable", desire for "to be capable and competant" and superego of "you are good or okay if you have mastered something).
I do find myself quite concerned about stability and security, but I attribute it to being a rational reaction to the current state of the economy rather than being a more constant concern as I beleive a 6 would be.
I find it natural to take on the role of mediator when I see a conflict (if I think my insights can help anyway) and I think I naturaly see potential conflicts brewing before they reach a serious point and those are the ones where I'm likely to try to step in and do something to try help others avoid conflict. If I feel that a potential conflict is due to anything other than misunderstnading however I am much more likely to have a strong opinion on who is in the right and argue on their behalf (diplomatically if possible) or offer advice and encouragment to one side or the other feeling that conflict is nescessary to reach closeure and ultimatly peace of mind. That is about the extent of 9 qualities I see in myself.
My current thought is that I am either a 4w5-SP or a 5w4-SX or SO, but I feel that I should not completely rule out either 1, 2 or 9.
Any feedback is welcome, but unless specific questions are asked I'll try to refrain from comment and just read and reflect on it over time.